Asking for help is one of the hardest things for most women to do.
And there are so many reasons why will won’t do it. Here are some examples:
We are too proud.
We don’t want to bother someone.
We are supposed to figure things out ourselves.
We just don’t talk about our problems.
Unfortunately, when we are not asking for help we are usually putting ourselves in a position of taking on too much. We end up exhausted, over-scheduled, over-committed and burning out. Not only do we end up with too little energy to do the things we said we would get done, but we find out we don’t have any energy left over for ourselves. This leaves us feeling pretty tapped out and potentially very unhappy. This is often what leads to self-sabotaging behaviors, like over-eating, over-working, over-drinking, over-spending….
I believe that, as women, we can and must, put our needs first, in order to realize all of our potential and to have amazing lives that we deserve. To do this, we must be willing to ask for help in achieving our dreams or for help in working through something that is holding us back from having everything that we want.
I know that for some of you, this can trigger a lot of negative emotions – to imagine asking a friend, partner or family member to help you. Whether you are looking for support to leave a job, lose weight, have a difficult conversation, stick to a wellness plan, get out of a challenging relationship, ask for a raise, or start a new business. It is hard enough to claim exactly what you want, let alone ask someone else to help support you in going after it.
If you are habitually uncomfortable asking for help and consistently find yourself in a cycle of self-sabotage because you always try to do everything on your own, then it is important to uncover what is going on for you. What are the sponsoring feelings that you are consistently experiencing that make it difficult for you to ask for help?
Most likely, you are experiencing one of two feelings:
Guilt shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am supposed to be able to do it all.
I should take care of everything myself.
Everyone expects me to be able to figure it out myself.
Fear shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am afraid of what they will say if I can’t do it myself.
I am afraid of what they will think if I have to ask for help.
I am afraid of being seen as weak or incapable.
Why would we choose to let guilt and fear be the reasons that prevent us from asking for help, and therefore prevent us moving closer to our dreams? Why would we allow fear and guilt to zap our potential and desire for something better?
The truth is, that guilt and fear are just feelings – and not as powerful over our lives as we let it seem. All feelings, including guilt and fear, are just vibrations that run through our bodies, caused by the thoughts that we think. Our thoughts are just opinions and judgements of our circumstances. Our thoughts are not the facts and they are not the truth. And the good news is that we can change our thoughts anytime.
Whenever you are experiencing a negative emotion that is holding you back, you can always find the thoughts that are creating it. With a little focus and some practice, you can replace the limiting thoughts with new thoughts that can inspire new action.
Here are some of my favorite thoughts to think when it comes to asking for help. See if you can use these thoughts or any others this week, to help you ask for something that you need. You will be amazed by how good it feels to ask for help, to get support and to let go of the need to do it all.
A powerful person is comfortable asking for what they need.
A person who asks for help is very clear about their limits and boundaries.
The people who love me, always show up when I ask for help.
A person who asks for help knows their strengths.
People love to support someone who is going after their dreams.
A person who asks for help is not willing to settle.
Asking for help is all about receiving love.