How Commitment Makes Your Dreams Come True

commitment

Every day, I get to talk to the most amazing women.

Hard-working. Smart. Devoted. Funny. Accomplished. Generous Women.

Who each have a desire to do big things in their lives.

They can’t wait to tell me about what they really want. They talk about their dreams in full detail. And how much happier they will be on the other side of achieving these dreams.

As they talk, their energy and excitement amplify. They have rehearsed this exact conversation about their dreams so many times.

And despite all their differences in age, marital status, professions, income, geographic location – we often arrive at the exact same place in our conversation.

I say – “Are you ready to commit to making this happen?”

They say – “Well, I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit right now…but I’m definitely really interested in pursuing it someday.”

Interested.

Oh…ok. Great.

Another dream bites the dust.

Here’s what “being interested” really means.

It means a slow surrender and the painful death of a dream.

“Interested” sounds really good. But it requires no real effort or action.

It’s like dipping your big toe in the water and never jumping in.

It’s like taking one baby step and then stopping in that place and staying there forever.

“Interested” is the same as “hoping” – and you know how I feel about “hoping”. It’s Passive. Safe. Risk-free.

Default Living.

Waiting for someday.

Keep the status quo.

At this point in our conversation, I often encourage my clients to just say no to their dream now. I explain how it is much better, in the long run, to kill it quickly and move on, then to stay “interested” and 1/2 committed forever.

Wait. What?

I know that “interested” pretends to feel like positive momentum in creating the dream, but it’s actually just a stall tactic.

We stall out when we anticipate fear, failure, risk, and change.

And yet, real dreams are born out of fear, failure, risk, and change. It’s part of the deal.

“Interested” saps energy. Creates distraction. It keeps all the options open. Nothing ever gets accomplished. Someday gets pushed out further and further into the future.

Got a big dream? I say, throw everything you’ve got at it, now.

Go all in. Move from interested to committed.

Take those baby steps towards what you want and don’t stop until you have it.

Dip all your toes in the water, then both feet, both legs, your whole body and start swimming until you reach your destination.

Yes, there will be fear and some failures – setbacks, and changes. And there is a high likelihood that you will achieve that dream. That dream will become your future reality.

Commitment makes it possible. Interest will not.

Are you a woman with an amazing dream?

Then, go get it!

Do you want to go from interested to committed? Why not, schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can talk about what’s getting in your way and holding you back. This no-obligation conversation could be just what you need to set yourself free. Book your session today!

The Good News for Breaking a People-Pleasing Habit.

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I would define a people-pleasing as someone who is doing something for others in pursuit of a certain, desired outcome.

There is an expectation of a particular result ahead of time. And the result that the people-pleaser is going for, is always a positive feeling.

In other words, the people-pleaser pleases in order to feel good.

Let me explain this a little further. We have a well-intentioned belief that if we do something nice, kind, helpful for someone else, then we will make that person happy. If we make that person happy they will likely be nice, kind and helpful to us.

If we make them happy, then they will make us happy.

And if we become really skilled at making someone happy by being nice, kind and helpful, then we may experience receiving even more from them. Not only will they make us happy – we may also get the other person to like us, make us feel appreciated, loved, secure and taken care of. They might also even agree with us, stand up for us, support us, need us and approve of us.

Wow. That feels amazing. The people-pleaser figures out that making other people happy means that not only do they get to feel good, they get all these other positive emotions and experiences as well.

But what happens when the people-pleaser doesn’t get the outcome that they were expecting?

It can be very difficult to deal with. People-pleasers think that they can expect a certain outcome (happiness, kindness, helpfulness) from the person that they are trying to please and when they don’t get it, it can so hard to understand. Many people-pleasers will think that something is wrong with them. They might have thoughts like this.

I didn’t help them enough
It just wasn’t good enough
It wasn’t what they wanted
I have let them down
I am not good enough
They don’t like me
They don’t appreciate me

These kinds of thoughts can be very painful for people pleasers to think and often create feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, worry, anxiousness, and regret.

Negative emotions like this can be hard to handle and may push people-pleasers to try even harder to make others happy, even trying to anticipate and manage other people’s needs, at all costs.

This is the negative ugly cycle of people pleasing.

As people-pleasers attempt to create happiness in others, they can lose perspective and connection to their own happiness. Their own needs become secondary.

Resentment builds. Anger surfaces. It gets ugly.

The people-pleaser feels miserable.

And breaking the cycle seems impossible.

Except it isn’t.

So many of us find ourselves in situations like this because we believe that we are the ones responsible for creating the feelings in other people.

But, that is not the way it really works and here is why that is such good news for you.

Everyone creates their own feelings from the thoughts they think. We are each 100% responsible for what we feel. No one can make us feel anything. Feelings are created from thoughts, not from other people and events.

So how is that good news?

First, we get to think whatever we want. As human beings, we can think about our thoughts. Which means that we can notice them, see the effect of them and CHANGE THEM. Thoughts are fluid. Thoughts are only opinions and impressions of the world around us in that moment. And we always have the option to think whatever we want.

Yes, we can change our thinking anytime we want. And changing our thinking changes our feelings. Our feelings are our own responsibility.

Feeling miserable comes from thinking thoughts that make us miserable.

Feeling happy comes from thinking thoughts that make us feel happy.

The second reason this is such good news is that it means that other people do not need to change in order for us to feel better. Other people do not need to be happy for us to be happy. We have the capability of choosing the emotions we want to feel, regardless of what is happening around us.

This is incredibly liberating, especially if you are a people-pleaser who is struggling to manage your own emotions because you believe that you have to create happiness in others to feel good.

You do not – that is not your job. That responsibility belongs to them.

You can create your own happiness and any other emotion that you want to feel, anytime you want. I recommend that you focus on self-pleasing first. Figure out your emotional needs and give that to yourself. Then go out into the world and do amazing, caring, helpful and kind things for others – without any attachment to the outcome. Knowing that you have taken care of yourself ahead of time.

If you want to learn more strategies for who to kick a people-pleasing habit for good, join my upcoming FREE CLASS “6 Reasons Why People-Pleasing Hurts More Than It Helps. How to break the habit that keeps you from having everything you really want!” 

 

For class details and to reserve your seat – CLICK this LINK

They Gossip and I Let Them.

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Early last week, I heard some gossip. Someone I know was saying untrue and unkind things about me. Then over the weekend, I heard some more gossip – that a friend was dramatizing and blowing out of proportion something about my daughter.

When I found out about both of these situations, my immediate response was to think that I had done something wrong and that I was to blame.

Of course, it had to be my fault!

My stomach started to hurt. And I scanned my mind for every possible clue of how I could have upset these two people. I was fixated on this for days and became completely distracted by it.

I desperately needed to find the evidence of what went wrong, so I could immediately get to work fixing it.

I had to find a way to change their minds.

I replayed every interaction, every conversation in my mind. I put myself in their shoes.

How could I have let this happen? How could I have given them just cause for the gossip?

Wait a second….hold on here. What was happening?

Who was this obsessed, self-critical, crazy person that just showed up?

Oh, right – I know her. It was ‘the old me’ back to pay me a visit.

I knew ‘the old me’ very, very well. We had lived together for a very long time.

She didn’t like confrontation and she liked everything to be perfect. She wanted everyone to be happy.

She was a master at taking responsibility and apologizing for things that were not her fault.

She also always wanted to be liked, understood and never judged harshly.

She hated gossip {especially when it was about her or anyone she loved}!

No wonder she was back.

A few years ago, when ‘the old me’ was running the show, she worked hard to make sure that everyone got the right impression about her. She people-pleased her way through life trying to make sure that no one ever said anything negative about her, ever.

Except, that they did.

She tried to control the impossible.

She turned her life upside down to manipulate outcomes that she had no business trying to manipulate.

Despite her best efforts, she found out that not everyone liked her.

And that they definitely didn’t understand her and they also judged her harshly whenever they felt like it.

They were going to keep on gossiping.

Learning this lesson was crushing at first. Quite devastating, actually. To think about all that wasted effort. All the hard work that you can pour into getting someone to know you, to like you, to understand you and be loyal and kind to you forever.

Except that it just doesn’t work that way.

Grown-ups get to do whatever they want. Boy, did I resist this lesson at first – but, the fact is that it’s still true.

Yes, they get to think and feel whatever they want. ANYTHING they want, ANYTIME they want!

They can form their own opinions, change their minds and behave however they want.

Even if it is not what I want and it makes me uncomfortable.

Even if it means that they decide not to like me or my daughter or to say untrue or unkind things about either one of us.

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Yes, what I want them to do is completely irrelevant. Just like what they want me to do, is irrelevant to me.

When I really began to understand this and apply it to my life, I realized that I didn’t want anyone trying to manipulate my thoughts, feelings or actions either. I wanted to be free to decide what is true for me. I wanted to conduct myself according to my standards and be responsible for my own emotions and not someone else’s.

And, here is the part of the learning of this lesson that has brought me the greatest relief and has helped keep ‘the old me” in check – I decided to believe that I am really OK with other people being wrong about me.

Yes, people get to be wrong about me. And I can just let them.

They can misunderstand me. They can judge me harshly. They don’t have to like me for whatever reason. And, it’s totally ok.

AND IT’S SO MUCH EASIER…

Because here’s the deal.

All my efforting to please others, to be understood, judged fairly and to be liked was based on convincing others to be RIGHT about me. And that pulled all my focus, energy and power away from me (something I can always control) and placed it all on other people (something that I can never control).

I was spending my entire life inside of other people’s lives trying to influence things that were actually none of my business.

The only person that ever has to be RIGHT about me, is me.

So, I told ‘the old me’ to take a hike.

And I settled into the acceptance that these two people have some negative thinking about me and my daughter. And that I don’t have to do anything about it. They can gossip and I can let them.

At first, it was hard to accept this. But I keep practicing the acceptance and letting go of wanting to control these situations. I knew that despite my discomfort, I was choosing the easier path.
Because I knew the alternative (convincing them to change their minds, believe something different, be right about me) is much harder and ultimately, impossible.

It would have taken hours and hours, perhaps even days away from my own life. It would have taken me to places (their minds and emotions) where I didn’t belong. It would have triggered all my old manipulating and people pleasing.

And I am done with that, for good.

Hello, ‘new me’!

What about you? Ready to let them gossip and not have it turn your life upside down?

If you prefer, we can figure this out together – because I know that two minds are better than one. Book a complimentary Breakthrough Session to see how letting go of what you can’t control and allowing others to be wrong about you, can help you to start feeling better immediately! Let’s take 30 minutes to talk about it. Book your session today!

The Busy Syndrome.

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How many times do you hear people use the excuse that they are too busy?

Do yourself a HUGE favor and don’t use that as a reason for not doing anything ever again.

Your future will thank you. I promise!

“Busy” is the generalized excuse we use for not going after our dreams.

It’s the ultimate dream stealer.

It is important to remember that we define our busy.

We are the ones who choose what we will do with our time and our day. We create this state for ourselves.

It is important to look at it regularly, question it, and decide if it is in line with how we truly want to be living.

Instead of saying that I was too busy to work out, say, “I chose to lie on the couch and watch TV instead of working out.” Or, “I chose to see my daughter’s play instead of going for a walk.”

Everything you do in your life is a choice even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You choose to go to work, you choose to take care of your family and you can choose to take care of yourself.

“Busy” is a dark hole of vagueness that will never help you get a handle on anything. Be specific so you can identify what it is in your life that is and isn’t working.

Kick “busy” to the curb.

One of my clients was a high-level executive who was too busy to do anything she really wanted. I asked her to define busy. She went on to describe her day of running errands, going to meetings, picking up her kids, going to the store, making dinner, doing laundry, and answering clients’ calls. She had lumped these activities into a seemingly unchangeable busy.

Busy was living her life, but it was at the expense of what she really wanted.

I suggested she change her plan by writing down everything important to her, putting these priorities at the top of the list and then shifting activities from the busy pile to the bottom. At first, she thought it would be impossible to add even one more thing to her day. By evaluating how she was spending her time, she saw ways she could delegate and eliminate some of her busy.

It really worked. She had the mantra, “Me first, busy second.”

The ultimate result was that she was able to fulfill her own needs and actually handle the rest with much more peace because she saw it as a choice, not a forced reality of life.

Don’t confuse being busy with living your life.

One of the best secrets to eliminating busy from your life is to learn how to say no. Many times we say yes when we really want to say no. We go to parties and functions we don’t want to attend, we buy things that we do not need and we eat food we don’t want to eat.

When should you say no? Whenever it’s the truth.

Living a life that is based on truth is freeing and wonderful.

You eat when you are truly hungry, you spend time with people you truly like and you live a life you truly want. When you begin to tell the truth about your real desires and real emotions, you can begin to live your truth.

The truth really does set you free and allows you to get the right perspective on how you spend your time. “Busy” will stop becoming an automatic excuse.

And you will instead experience the joy of creating the life you want to live.

Do you want some help kicking “busy” to the curb in your life? Book a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can recreate your priority, so you are spending more time choosing to do exactly what you want and less time using your”busyness” as an excuse.

make yourself #1

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Over and over again I hear women say they don’t have enough time to plan healthy meals, have connected time with their partners, declutter their home, feel their feelings or exercise. It’s a tragedy. All of these well-meaning, intelligent and accomplished women give so much to everyone else but leave the scraps to themselves.

They forget that they can’t pour love from an empty pitcher.

The hardest part of this scenario is that giving to others at your expense can be externally rewarding. You are viewed as a giver and you really are – but inside, you are starving for your own attention. This is one of the main reasons we self-sabotage – because we are trying to get our own attention.

The most important person to take care of is you. Period. If you aren’t healthy you won’t be any good to anyone. Also, women who have children need to remember the best legacy they can give to their kids is an example of a life well-lived. Kids might listen to what you say, but they will do what you do. If you tell them to take care of themselves and you don’t do it yourself, what kind of message are you sending?

You must become number one. You do not ever have to sacrifice healthy eating, intimacy in your relationships, exercise, or your emotional health for the sake of anyone else…ever. If someone really needs you, they need you to be healthy and available. Put your own oxygen mask on first and then take care of the kids or anyone else who needs you. The ironic part of this process is that once you start taking care of yourself, you have so much more to give to others. Your attention to you doesn’t take away anything from anyone else – it actually adds value and joy to their lives.

When I work with clients who struggle to prioritize their needs, they have usually all heard this advice before and understand it intellectually. My job is to help them start applying it. Sometimes this requires that I be extreme with this advice and require my clients to at least try it out. In support of my clients making themselves their number one priority, I have said…”sometimes the kids will have to give up on some of their activities so that you can have one of your own. It will mean that your friends don’t always get the help they need and dinner is not quite ready at the exact time expected.”

My clients will often tell me there is a special circumstance which made it impossible for them to take care of themselves and when I inquire about the situation, it will be because of a party they were throwing or a meeting or a son’s soccer tournament. The truth is that there will always be these things vying for our attention because we live full and busy lives and those things are still always secondary to their emotional health and physical care. And I will tell them this…”if you can’t take care of yourself and throw a party, cancel the party. If you can’t work out and attend your son’s tournament, you don’t see your son play soccer.”

And almost 100% of the time, my clients will find a way to do both.

I know this approach can be very difficult for my clients to accept at first. Many women will feel terrible asking their families to wait for what they need while they get in their exercise. The worry that their families and friends will be shocked because they are used to her dropping everything so that they can be happy. My clients have conditioned everyone to believe that taking care of herself isn’t important or as important as everyone else.

I tell my clients that they should expect their families or friends to be a bit surprised when she introduces a new way of treating herself. I tell my clients that there will be a period of time where everyone is uncomfortable with a change in routine and behavior. Expect it. Know that it will be a natural reaction to the adjustment. And that feelings of discomfort are just vibrations in our bodies caused by the thoughts we think. It is always temporary. Consistent follow-through of the new plan will eventually shift the feelings that everyone is experiencing. A new pattern will be established and the old negative thought cycles will be replaced. The external reward of giving to others at your own expense will be replaced with the internal reward – for making yourself your number one priority, by giving yourself attention, by eliminating self-sabotaging patterns. The internal reward will come from helping and supporting those in your life from a place of pure joy, knowing that when you treat yourself with the respect and love that you deserve, everyone ultimately benefits.

Asking for Help.

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Asking for help is one of the hardest things for most women to do.

And there are so many reasons why will won’t do it. Here are some examples:
We are too proud.
We don’t want to bother someone.
It’s embarrassing.
We are supposed to figure things out ourselves.
We just don’t talk about our problems.

Unfortunately, when we are not asking for help we are usually putting ourselves in a position of taking on too much. We end up exhausted, over-scheduled, over-committed and burning out. Not only do we end up with too little energy to do the things we said we would get done, but we find out we don’t have any energy left over for ourselves. This leaves us feeling pretty tapped out and potentially very unhappy. This is often what leads to self-sabotaging behaviors, like over-eating, over-working, over-drinking, over-spending….

I believe that, as women, we can and must, put our needs first, in order to realize all of our potential and to have amazing lives that we deserve. To do this, we must be willing to ask for help in achieving our dreams or for help in working through something that is holding us back from having everything that we want.

I know that for some of you, this can trigger a lot of negative emotions – to imagine asking a friend, partner or family member to help you. Whether you are looking for support to leave a job, lose weight, have a difficult conversation, stick to a wellness plan, get out of a challenging relationship, ask for a raise, or start a new business. It is hard enough to claim exactly what you want, let alone ask someone else to help support you in going after it.

If you are habitually uncomfortable asking for help and consistently find yourself in a cycle of self-sabotage because you always try to do everything on your own, then it is important to uncover what is going on for you. What are the sponsoring feelings that you are consistently experiencing that make it difficult for you to ask for help?

Most likely, you are experiencing one of two feelings:
1. Guilt
or
2. Fear

Guilt shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am supposed to be able to do it all.
I should take care of everything myself.
Everyone expects me to be able to figure it out myself.

Fear shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am afraid of what they will say if I can’t do it myself.
I am afraid of what they will think if I have to ask for help.
I am afraid of being seen as weak or incapable.

Why would we choose to let guilt and fear be the reasons that prevent us from asking for help, and therefore prevent us moving closer to our dreams? Why would we allow fear and guilt to zap our potential and desire for something better?

The truth is, that guilt and fear are just feelings – and not as powerful over our lives as we let it seem. All feelings, including guilt and fear, are just vibrations that run through our bodies, caused by the thoughts that we think. Our thoughts are just opinions and judgements of our circumstances. Our thoughts are not the facts and they are not the truth. And the good news is that we can change our thoughts anytime.

Whenever you are experiencing a negative emotion that is holding you back, you can always find the thoughts that are creating it. With a little focus and some practice, you can replace the limiting thoughts with new thoughts that can inspire new action.

Here are some of my favorite thoughts to think when it comes to asking for help. See if you can use these thoughts or any others this week, to help you ask for something that you need. You will be amazed by how good it feels to ask for help, to get support and to let go of the need to do it all.

A powerful person is comfortable asking for what they need.
A person who asks for help is very clear about their limits and boundaries.
The people who love me, always show up when I ask for help.
A person who asks for help knows their strengths.
People love to support someone who is going after their dreams.
A person who asks for help is not willing to settle.
Asking for help is all about receiving love.

Fall Goals.

Katie Pulsifer Coachingask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care
It’s the time of year again, signaled by the end of August, back to school and fall around the corner – the time when we often re-evaluate routines and patterns, and consider making changes. It can literally feel like the new year and awaken in us, the desire to set new goals or resolutions about how we will move into the new season and the last four months of the year. It can be an inspiring time. Full of possibility and hope, for bad habits to be replaced by good ones – to foster more structure, follow-though and consistency in our daily lives.

Exciting, right?

Absolutely!
And then we get to work creating our new fall routines – getting organized, signing up for activities and classes, cleaning and purging from summer vacation, travel and camp. This will keep us very pre-occupied for the month of September. The days will be full and schedules packed, and we will let ourselves believe that this means that we are making real change and progress towards our goals.
But this often isn’t the kind of change that we are ultimately craving. This is just busy-ness. Busy-ness being recreated all over again, like last fall and the fall before that. We step right back into the same pattern of over-scheduling and over-whelming ourselves with huge to-do lists and obligations. We forget to make time for ourselves and to think about the bigger goals that we secretly desire. This can be challenging and very frustrating. It can be difficult to figure out what it is that we really want for ourselves, especially when we become so habituated to being busy.
Here is what I like to suggest if you want to move into the rest of this year feeling more empowered, grounded and connected with your goals. This is a great exercise to put in place this week of transition, before fall really starts.
Answer these two questions:
  • What are my strengths? Make a list of them.
  • How can I better utilize my strengths to create a happier, more joyful and successful fall?
By answering these two powerful questions, you will generate amazing feelings about yourself, realize what is possible and increase your excitement motivation to follow through on goal-setting.
Now answer this question.
  • What are my weaker qualities that need strengthening, compassion and attention in order to reach my goals for this fall? Choose three.
This is a great question to help make your goals become even more crystal clear.
Once you have answered all the questions above and have chosen the three qualities you would like to strengthen, follow this 3-step process:
Step 1: Write a Fall Goal Card for each goal with a positive affirmation to go along with it (keep it in the present tense).
Step 2: Put your Fall Goal Cards where you will see them, every day. Look at them a couple of times every day (remind yourself what matters and why).
Step 3: Choose three actions you can take this week to begin to strengthen a quality within yourself that needs your attention (add extra love and compassion).
As you consider the qualities you would like to strengthen, remember that the quickest way to create a better life is to focus on taking action. Release yourself from focusing on what you haven’t done or still need to do. Even the smallest of action steps will create amazing momentum. Momentum combined with everything that you captured on your list of strengths, will help boost your confidence and get you closer to achieving your goals.

Getting Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable.

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I will never forget when my coach taught me this important concept. At first, I was so resist to accepting it. I pushed back. I argued against it until I wanted to make change in my life so badly that I was willing to surrender to the idea. Now I teach my clients the exact same concept. And why do I tell them this? Because it is 100% true.

For most of us, we will do just about anything to not feel uncomfortable. We will resist, push back, avoid, and procrastinate. And then we will become moody and irritable, we will sleep too much, eat too much, drink too much, we will settle and then complain about it…. the list goes on and on. But what are these actions doing to facilitate our growth as human beings? Absolutely nothing.

Let’s face it – change is uncomfortable. Feeling comfortable comes from knowing what to expect, maintaining the status quo and staying within our comfort zones.

Here are some tips to help you move through feeling uncomfortable:

Accept that feeling uncomfortable is part of the process.

If you can learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable, and you’ll experience ongoing growth and success. When it comes to accepting the changes in your life, you need to learn how to feel your fear and then release it. Once you release your negative, scary thoughts, you allow new opportunities to come into your life. The longer you avoid feeling your feelings (discomfort & fear) the longer it will take to eventually release them. And the longer it will take to make changes and move closer to the life you have always wanted.

Create a “feel great” state of being.

Your emotional state is a clue to what you are attracting to your life. If you want to attract more….love, money, adventure, friends – you must release limiting or negative beliefs about yourself. When we are presented with change, our minds automatically think about what we’re giving up, not what we’re gaining. That mindset keeps us in a place of lack rather than moving us into a place of abundance. Instead of focusing on what you may not have right now, focus on what you want.

Ask yourself if you are really willing.

  • Are you willing to trade short-term discomfort for long-term success?
  • Are you willing to stop denying yourself the career, romance, money or wellness lifestyle that you have always wanted?
  • Are you willing to work around inevitable road-blocks in pursuit of your dreams?
  • Are you willing to start believing that you are deserving and worthy of everything that you truly desire?

When you answer “yes” to these willingness questions and embrace the feeling of being uncomfortable – it means you are ready to make change. You are ready to release the resistance, to create a “feel great” state and step into the life that you have always wanted.

Let Go Of Tolerations.

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Many of us have learned how to live with settling and suffering. We forget that suffering is optional and that we all have the ability to end our own suffering by giving up the things we tolerate and put up with in our lives. Whether it’s tolerating a difficult relationship, lack of money, a messy home, a bad job or just living a life that is not desirable, we all do it to some degree.

WHAT ARE YOU TOLERATING?

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Do you procrastinate on small tasks like clearing the clutter at home or getting organized at work?
  • Do you postpone making important appointments for yourself?
  • Are you tolerating being too busy to make time to be with your friends?
  • Are you postponing doing things that you know would contribute to your happiness or success?
  • Are you tolerating a relationship that makes you feel stuck?

When you put off a task that could easily or even not so easily be accomplished, it only prolongs the inevitable and then it starts to feel like an awful chore. Something that could be taken care of in less than fifteen minutes – like booking a doctor’s appointment – turns into an all-day process because it becomes a constant, all day long distraction. Your thoughts return to it over and over. You sit down to do one thing and your mind drifts back to making that appointment. When we postpone and procrastinate, we sabotage everything else we do. We tell ourselves all kinds of reasons why we can’t make the doctor’s appointment. We make excuses. We make ourselves feel guilty or badly for not following through. We create our own suffering, again.

When these burdens accumulate, you give them power to completely overwhelm you. An abundance of toleration and distractions keeps you from taking action in all areas of your life and towards your true goals. Having too much to do frequently leads to stagnation because it becomes hard to decide where to start. I want to share with you that today is the perfect day to begin taking action and to stop tolerating.

This week, think about the things you’re tolerating in your life and write them down. Decide to eliminate one toleration now. You will feel relief instantly and will free up your thoughts and energy to focus on the bigger tasks in your day. Go into the rest of your week deciding to eliminate a small toleration every day. When you remove tolerations and distractions, you open yourself up to the possibility of doing more of the things you love. You will choose action and results over procrastination and suffering. You will build momentum giving up small tolerations, to then eventually take action on your bigger tolerations. You’ll be amazed at how good it feels and how empowering this sense of accomplishment can be.

Worry and Letting Go

Do you spend a lot of time wondering about what other people think?
Do you spend a lot of time trying to make the ‘right decision’?
Do you spend a lot of time reflecting on the past and wishing things had turned out differently?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are spending a lot of your time in worry. Worrying about the things from the past, future and things we can’t control, never provides a helpful solution or contributes productively to our goals and dreams. Worry is a distraction, holding us back and keeping us from taking conscious and meaningful action in our lives. Worry dampens our confidence and never brings us happiness.

To move from worry towards more confidence and happiness, try these three steps:

Enjoy every moment in life – even the difficult ones.
Being confident and letting go of worry means learning to savor every bit of life, even when things become challenging. It’s knowing that through challenge, there is growth. Allow yourself to move in the flow of things and let go of resistance that things are easier. This is key even when things are most challenging. It means looking for positive and creative solutions and staying connected to your good energy. It means letting go of critical or negative thoughts so you are able to find perfect opportunities in the challenging moments.

Find connection.
This is such an important step to letting go of worry. Connect with what matters to you most, whether it is yourself, others, nature, or experiences. Go to the places and people in your life that allow you to feel love, hope and opportunity. Spend time with the people whose opinion and perspective motivates and inspires you. Walk away from those that criticize, deplete and drain you, as that will always just will create more worry.

Decide to be present.
Worry about the past and fear of what could happen in the future, stop you from being authentic and truthful in your present. This fear and worry delays decision-making and often causes us to postpone having something we really want. We get so caught up in trying to make the right decision, that we make no decision at all. The past is over and we always have a choice in how we reflect on it. It doesn’t have to negatively influence our present, unless we choose to let it. The future hasn’t happened yet, so fearing what could happen also prevents us from seeing all the opportunity in our present. To be truly present is let go of worry – to trust that we have everything we need in the moment – to have the confidence to take action and make decisions. It is deliberate choice which allows us move closer to our happiness.