4 Powerful Lessons to Create an Empowered Life

Here are four of the most significant lessons that I have learned and used to create an empowered life.

These lessons have changed my life in radical ways – helping me to let go of what I can’t control and focus on what I can. These lessons have taught me how to know myself better and how to positively influence every direction of my life, creating what I want on purpose and not by default.

 

1. Stay out of everyone else’s emotions.

I’ll admit, this one took me a long time to learn.

I used to believe that it was my responsibility to create other people’s emotions.
I believed that it was my job to make people feel happy, appreciated, included, calm, engaged, interested and special.
Therefore, I believed that it was also my responsibility to ensure that the people in my life never felt disappointment, anger, sadness, frustration, worry, fear or loneliness.
I thought that was my job and just the way things worked.
It meant that I spent a lot of time trying to ensure that people would feel the way that I wanted them to. Of course, I wanted the people I knew and loved to feel good (positive emotions) and to never suffer (negative emotions) so I worked really hard to manipulate situations, so there would always be happy endings and positive outcomes. I tried to anticipate potential negative outcomes and remove that possibility if I could.
It was a lot of work. It took so much effort. It was exhausting.
Sometimes I felt like I was successful and a lot of the time, I felt like I was not.
I continued to do this, until I learned the important lesson that other people’s emotions are none of my business.
People get to feel and experience any emotion that they want.
I have no business going into their lives and trying to manipulate circumstances in order to create a specific outcome.
Their emotional experience is 100% their own responsibility. It is for their benefit. What they do in their lives is entirely dependent on what they feel. I have no place trying to influence their experience of processing their own emotions – whatever that means for them.
My only job is to create, observe and understand my own emotions and manage them effectively. Lesson one of living an empowered life.

2. Stir up some fear and self-doubt on purpose.

I used to be very risk adverse.
I was afraid of experiencing fear.
I hated feeling self-doubt.
So, I lived in a very cozy comfort zone. Everything was safe and predictable. I loved trying to control everything and make it perfect.
Perfect to me – meant stable and consistent, reliable and steady.
And it also meant my life was stagnant and stuck.
The safety and security that I had created around me was like a protective shield and it was literally sucking the life out of me.
I craved growth and evolution in my own life. I loved learning new things. But as soon as a little fear of the unknown or self-doubt about my abilities to create something new creeped in, I retreated back to the security of my comfort zone.
I started new things and stopped when I got scared, felt uncertain or uncomfortable.
I didn’t know that evolving and growth automatically meant that fear, self-doubt, uncertainty and discomfort would show up.
I didn’t know experiencing the feelings of self-doubt and fear are exactly what I had to experience in order to grow.
I learned that those emotions came from my thoughts.
Those emotions are actually harmless.
The worse thing that could ever happen is that I would feel some self-doubt, some fear, some uncertainty and some discomfort.
Those emotions would wash through my body and I would feel them.
And by being willing to experience them, I would grow towards the new thing that I wanted to learn. I would evolve and stretch myself towards the new experience and ultimately create a new experience in my life.
I learned the lesson that fear and self-doubt are a necessary and manageable part of growing out of a comfort zone. Lesson two of living an empowered life.

 3. Protect my yes.

I used to believe that I had to do it all.
I had to always say yes.
To create the best for family. To make everything perfect. To please everyone. To never disappoint or let anyone down. To always be prepared for anything.
And that I could never ask for help doing it all.
And guess what?
I completely wore myself out.
For a while, it was fulfilling work. I told myself that it was noble.
It’s what women do – they just take care of everything.
And then, my exhaustion caught up with me.
I stopped taking care of myself.
I was angry.
I felt unappreciated.
I was disappointed.
I was deeply resentful.
I didn’t understand why I had these feelings and then I felt badly that I had them. I was ashamed that all my attempts to take care of everything and make it perfect didn’t bring me more satisfaction. It was distressing to realize that I was actually making myself miserable trying to be a woman who took care of everything all the time, at my own expense.
Then, I learned the important lesson of constraint. I learned that I could protect my yes. And most importantly, I did not need to say yes to others at my own expense.
I learned that I was trying to take care of everyone and make everything perfect, so others would be happy.
I was always saying yes to manage other people’s emotions (lesson 1).
This was a big wake-up call for me. If other people are ultimately responsible for creating their own emotions, then it doesn’t matter how much effort I expend and how many times I say yes to everything to try and control their emotions.
It doesn’t work that way.
I was suffering by over-extending myself to do the impossible – manage other people’s emotions.
I learned the lesson of protecting my yes, so that I could take better care of myself and focus on what I could control, not what I couldn’t. Lesson three of creating an empowered life.

4. Love myself, no matter what.

This is my most favorite lesson.
This one is powerful because it means that I have learned to generate my own self-love – under any circumstance, no matter what.
I am not reliant on others to love me, so that I feel love.
I am not dependent on taking care of everyone, making everything perfect, managing all the details, manipulating happy ending and outcomes, so that I will experience love.
My job is to love myself.
When I do this, then I can show up and allow other people to experience their own emotions without trying to change them.
When I love myself, I don’t feel compelled to influence other people’s emotions. I allow them to feel whatever they want and I am ok.
When I love myself, I know that I can embrace fear and self-doubt as a necessary part of growing and evolving into the best version of myself.
I use self-love to help me overcome the moments when fear and self-doubt tempt me to quit, give up or sabotage my dreams.
I use self-love to keep from retreating back to the comfort zone of my old life.
When I love myself, I protect my yes, with ease. I know exactly how to ensure that I do not over-extend myself to my own detriment.
When I love myself, I know that perfect doesn’t matter.
When I love myself, I know that taking care of myself is my top priority. And that I can take care of myself without feeling selfish and guilty – because feeling selfish and guilty never inspire me to take care of myself. Those feelings are unnecessary, not useful and do not feel good.
Love always feels good.
And I am the beneficiary of my love.
I get to enjoying the double experience of creating love for myself and receiving the love that I create for myself.
And now I go out of my way to create and experience more of it, every day. Lesson four of creating an empowered life.

mental spring cleaning.

Life Coaching, Katie Pulsifer Coaching,

This week marked the first day of Spring and I couldn’t be more ready for a season shift and do a mental spring clean.

I am anxious for the snow to melt and to begin spending more time outside.

There is so much to do, coming out of a dark, cold winter. Lot’s of tidying up, organizing and purging, while preparing for the warmer months ahead.

And lot’s of spring cleaning.

The physical work of cleaning out our homes – shaking off the dust, opening up the windows – letting light and fresh air come inside.

While the earth softens and new growth appears. Raking, pruning and planting outside. A genuine transformation takes place all around us.

And I like to believe that we can use this time to transform too. We can do some necessary and very important spring clean up of our thoughts.

Everything we think is deciding our future.

Right now, all of our thoughts are building, creating and inspiring our future results.

The good thoughts. And the not-so-good thoughts.

Most of us don’t know this.

We think that life just happens to us and we just have to manage our way through it.

Many of us do not know that every outcome we experience starts with a thought.

That is powerful.

Thoughts create results – just as seeds become plants.

We have so much influence over what thoughts we think.

But we forget this.

We believe that we are stuck with the thoughts that we have been thinking for a long time and I want to tell you that this just isn’t true.

We can always change our thoughts.

Thoughts are just sentences running through our minds about what is happening in our lives. They are opinions and impressions and often filled with judgment and negativity, thus producing negative results in our life.

We can plant new thoughts in our minds, just like we plant new seeds in the ground.
We can air out our minds, just like we air out our homes after the long winter.
We can unpack new, inspiring beliefs about ourselves replacing the heavier, protective ones that we have been carrying around for months or years.

It’s time to do some spring cleaning on our minds – especially if you are ready to create new results in your life.

Remember, every outcome begins with a thought.

So what would you like to create this spring?

Are you ready to let go of some old and ‘holding you back’ beliefs?
Are you ready to stop being so hard on yourself?
Are you ready to break a negative habit?
Are you ready to stop being so hard on yourself?
Are you ready to release your past-focused thinking?

Now is the perfect time to awaken change within your mind to allow new results to take shape in your life.

I would argue that mental spring cleaning is just as important as any other work you are planning to do in or outside of your home in the next few weeks and months to get ready for the new season. It is absolutely necessary if you are looking for new outcomes.

And here is some really great news for you…

I would like to offer you a complimentary mental spring cleaning check-up.
All you have to do is schedule a Breakthrough Session with me.  This is a 30-minute complimentary phone call with me to talk about how to clean up your thinking and direct your thoughts towards the future that you want.

It’s easy. You get to spend some time spring cleaning out your thoughts. And together we will discuss how you can become more purposeful and intentioned in directing your new thoughts towards the future you want. And it’s my gift to you. I want you to take as amazing care of your mind as you do your home this spring.

Let’s kick off the new season with renewed focus and energy towards making this an amazing spring. Book your FREE session now.

Decision + Commitment = Success

success

Last week, I gave you the assignment to look back on 2016 and really take ownership of your year. To review the calendar for success, big milestones, and accomplishments. Here’s the link to that post: https://katiepulsifercoaching.com/2016/12/30/reflection/

We know that you achieved a great deal and it is important to own it and celebrate it!

Then I asked you to spend time reflecting on what you were feeling most of the year.
I asked if you experienced any of these emotions on a regular basis during 2016.

Happy, Motivated, Excited, Confident, Focused, Content?
Or
Afraid, Worried, Detached, Sad, Guilty, Confused, Shame?

How do you feel?

This is one of the most important questions that we can ask ourselves.

Here’s why.

Our feelings tell us exactly what is going on in our minds and what we are thinking about. And all of our feelings inspire the action we take towards the results that we achieve. Everything we do in life is based on how we feel.
And everything we feel is based on our thoughts.
Our feelings tell us EVERYTHING!

When we feel happy and motivated, we take very different action than when we feel afraid and worried. If you are like me, then I am sure you can think of many specific examples in your life where this has been true.

Often when we are dealing with negative feelings, we take no action or worse, we indulge in pleasure-seeking activities to help us feel better. This is can be a very slippery slope because our strong desire to push away negative feelings and to replace them with more positive feelings can become so strong, that we can create a pattern of over-indulgence and self-sabotage. The results of over-indulgence and self-sabotage are always negative and require even more effort to get us back on track.

So what does all this mean as we head into 2017?

New Year. Fresh Start. Goals. Resolutions.

We are filled with such hope at this time of year. We see what is possible as we write down our resolutions. We tell ourselves that this is the year that we will really make a change. We can feel it. Or can we?

Most of us will struggle to follow-thru on the changes that we want to make or to achieve the goals that we set for ourselves.

And here’s why.

There is a big difference between “noticing” what we want and deciding what we want.
“Noticing” what we want is basically like saying….”I am going to try to achieve this goal in 2017 and let’s see how it works out.”

Hmmmm.

Being “interested” in a goal is like keeping the option to not follow-through, open. We let ourselves off the hook (ahead of time) before we try to accomplish it. We go only 1/2 in.

I know the results of this kind of goal-setting all too well because I see it in my new clients all the time. They are “interested” in making a change and start out with all kinds of conviction about it and then when any negative feelings surface (which they always do), they have a pattern of turning to an indulgence behavior to “feel better”, which ultimately sabotages their original goal.

Regardless of the client or the situation, the problem is always the same.
The problem is that there was never a decision to achieve the goal.
A decision to achieve the goal, no matter what.
Making a decision is absolutely critical to the goal-setting process.
A decision seals commitment.
Commitment is what produces success.

Here are some real client examples of what it looks like to be “interested” in a goal vs. deciding to achieve the goal.

Goal 1. To get in better shape / lose weight
Then indulge in over-eating and over-drinking when discomfort, boredom or loneliness show up.

Goal 2. To get out of debt
Then to indulge in over-spending and over-purchasing when fear and worry show up.

Goal 3. To get more organized
Then to indulge in clutter and being too busy to hide behind unhappiness.

Goal 4. To be more empowered
Then to indulge in being the victim, blaming others, gossiping and creating drama when we need attention from others.

Goal 5. To improve relationship with spouse
Then to indulge in trying to manipulate and change him to feel appreciated and valued.

Most of us know how to make decisions.
Where we struggle, is how to manage the negative emotions that come up for us.
And because we do not know how to sit with negative emotions and accept their presence in our lives, we do everything in our power to avoid them – even if that means sabotaging our own goals.

  • So as you think about what you want to accomplish in 2017, can you decide to go all in?
  • Can you make a decision to achieve your goal, no matter what?
  • Can you seal your commitment level with a decision to succeed?
  • Can you decide that you will manage all your emotions as they come up because you have committed to your goal?
  • Can you make your success inevitable, because you are not willing to sabotage your goal with other competing interests?

Yes, you can. I know you can.

And, if you’re thinking that you want some support in creating a commitment to support your big decision this year, why not schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session? It’s a 30-minute conversation that may just be exactly what you need to inspire commitment and bring you closer to the success you’re wanting this year!

My New Thoughts.

katie pulsifer coaching

You know those moments when you can’t get out of your own head? When you are consumed by your negative thoughts? That endless parade of negative thinking that distorts your perception of EVERYTHING!

Everything is doom and gloom, worst case scenario, glass half empty.

It feels painful and beyond your control.

It’s happening and it feels there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it.

You just have to get through it….until something else comes along to direct your attention elsewhere.

You are helpless.

Except, you are not.

Thoughts are optional. Especially the negative ones.

Here is what I mean.

We are always going to think thoughts. And all of our thoughts are just the judgments and opinions and impressions of the world around us. We have so much freedom in our thinking. We just don’t know it. We believe that our thinking is by default…that is just happens to us. We do not know that we are the creators of everything that is going on in our minds.
As human beings, we are so blessed because we get to think about what we think about.
We are privileged to be able to influence all of our thinking.

That means that we have the ability to change our thoughts, to evolve our thoughts, especially all that negative thinking.

And you are probably wondering exactly how change your thoughts, especially the ones that we have carried around with us for such a long time. Changing negative thoughts requires creating consciousness and awareness around what you think about. Simply put – it means paying attention to what is happening in your mind. It means getting curious about what is going on in your head.

What are you thinking?

It is so important to then view the thoughts from a place of compassion and non-judgement. And once you are there, you can begin to replace the negative thoughts with new thoughts to think. And then practice the new thoughts over and over again until they become automatic – your new normal.

Now this work doesn’t just happen overnight and it can be difficult if you try and do it on your own. And if you choose to pursue the experience of learning how to shift your negative thinking, it will be the most rewarding, life-changing, freedom producing work that you can do in this life-time.

I choose to do this work, every day. And it has changed my life.
My coach taught me how and then supported me through my learning process until I masted the skill.
Mastering the skill of thinking about what I think about means that I have learned how to break old negative thought cycles, permanently.
I know how to get myself out of my head, how to stop feeling sorry for myself and how to stop focusing on negative potential outcomes.

I know how to make myself feel better, anytime I want to, regardless of my circumstances. I know how to do this because I know how to change my thoughts. And that is total freedom.

Here is my gift for you this week. It is a short list of my favorite New Thoughts to Think. It’s my go-to list that I can refer to whenever I get stuck in a negative thought loop. I have several copies taped up around my house to remind me that I always have a choice in what I think and therefore how I feel. I just look at my list and find the thought that feels most relevant and necessary in the moment. I focus on the new thought and practice thinking it as long as I need to, to feel better and break the negative thought cycle.

I am guided.
Everything is exactly as it should be.
Everything happens for my benefit.
It was meant to happen the way that it did.
I choose to unconditionally love whenever possible.
I am exactly as I should be.
Everything happens right on time.
The Universe doesn’t make mistakes.
Love is always my most favorite option.
I am responsible for everything I think and feel.
No one can cause a feeling inside of me.
People are allowed to behave the way they want and I am allowed to react the way that I want.
It’s not what I do, but who I am.
There is nothing you can do that wouldn’t be worthy of forgiveness.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I am enough.
Nothing has gone wrong here.
We are here to get to the work of ourselves.
My purpose is the life that I am living right now.
I am deeply loved.
The world longs for what I have to offer.
There is nothing that I truly want that I can’t have.
I can do hard things.
Worry serves no purpose.
Money is easy.
There is plenty of time.
Everything I do is a choice.
My past is perfect.
There is nothing they can do to make me happy – that’s my job.
What others think of me is about them, not me.
Suffering is sometimes familiar, but not necessary.

Denial.

katie pulsifer coaching

denial.
de·ni·al
dəˈnīəl/
noun
the action of declaring something to be untrue.
the refusal of something requested or desired.

We all have dreams and desires and I would venture to say that most of us try to keep them a secret. We are afraid to share what we really want because of fear, self-consciousness or perhaps the belief that what we most want isn’t realistic. We keep our dreams and desires a secret if we think they will make other people uncomfortable, require significant change or cost a lot of money.

When we deny that we have dreams and desires, we settle for living in half-truth. We argue with ourselves about our dreams being frivolous or unnecessary or unproductive or inconvenient. We declare them to be untrue, just so they will stop distracting us. We refuse to acknowledge that they live inside of us. We work hard to make them go away by trying to ignore that they exist.

Sometimes when I ask people what they deeply desire, they can often become very quiet. They will say something like, “I really don’t know – I haven’t really ever thought about it.”

I believe that it’s not that they haven’t thought about their desires as much as they’ve just become disconnected from them because they have become habituated to ignoring them. They have fallen into a pattern of denying what they most want.

When I try to inquire a little further, I always hear the various reasons that have prevented their dreams and desires from becoming reality –
“I don’t have time”
“What I want just doesn’t work for my family”
“I can’t start over”
“It’s not practical”
“They will never understand”
“I can’t afford it”

Hearing these reasons always hurts my heart a little because I know that these are all just excuses. Excuses to keep their dreams and desires locked up. Excuses to avoid the potential fear of claiming what you want. Excuses to steer clear of the potential judgement that you might experience. These excuses perpetuate in a cycle of denial. These excuses keep your dreams and desires just out of reach but close enough to create the discontentedness, pain and frustration that many people feel when they have a secret – an unfulfilled dream or desire.

What is it that you keep thinking and dreaming about?

Is there something your soul has been burning to do, be, or offer, that keeps trying to get your attention?

What is your secret dream or desire?

How would your life change right now, if you decided to shine light on your inner secret desire?

What would happen if you made that desire your top priority and shared it with the rest of the world?

What would be possible for you, if you stop denying yourself what you most want?

In my experience – happiness is what happens! I see it all the time. For the people that pursue their desires and stop denying what they truly want – they are rewarded with genuine and authentic happiness. They experience a deep sense of calm and inner connection. They experience the ultimate gift of living in truth. They no longer hide or try to keep secrets from themselves. They no longer say one thing and mean something else. They no longer refuse or deny themselves what they most want.

In choosing their truth – they ultimately choose freedom. Freedom over fear, self-consciousness and other limiting beliefs.

There is a simple exercise that you can do today, to stop denying what you really want and to start experiencing the freedom and happiness that you are craving. Click here for access to the Stop Denying and Start Dreaming worksheet.

on the fence.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Do you spend a lot of your time “on the fence”?

The place where we like to hang out when we have a decision to make. We like this place because it’s neutral and protected. It’s a safety zone, of sorts. It buys us all the space and time we need as we prepare to make a decision.

We consider all our options.
We ask for insights, inputs and information.
We weigh all the pros and the cons.
We think. We imagine. We worry.
We go get more information.

We are prudent and responsible, thoughtful and considerate, in taking the time to make the decision. It is imperative to gather all the information and to consult with the people in our lives who might be impacted by our decision. We look at our money. We consider our time availability. We question our commitment and investment. We ask for support and buy-in where we need it.

These are all necessary and very important steps. These steps are what allow up to climb up to that place where we are sitting on the fence, checking out the view on the other side. With each piece of information, we climb higher. We get more of a perspective of what life would be like on the other side of the decision.

We see opportunity. We see possibility. We see transformation.

It’s exciting. We climb higher.
It’s scary. We hang out right where we are.
It’s exciting. We take another step.
It’s scary. We stop moving. We focus on fear we are feeling.
And then we wait.
And wait.
And wait.

And for many of us – this is as far as we get. We never get to the other side of the fence. We never make the decision. We stall out right before we have to make the commitment and decide. We freeze. We get stuck.

Stuck in the indecision. 1/2 in where we are now and 1/2 in where we would like to be. We argue with ourselves about the comfort and stability of where we are now versus the discomfort and unpredictability that change could bring. We are tempted by what is on the other side of our decision and the fence, yet we love the safety of where we are right now.

Staying “on the fence” for too long is exhausting – it depletes us, drains us and distracts us. We prolong having what we really want and then we begin to make up excuses for why we can’t have it. It becomes a vicious cycle and the sad part is that we look for reasons to justify it. We use excuses like we are afraid of making “the wrong decision” or we blame someone for not supporting us.

Yes, making big decisions is hard. Sometimes very hard. But I truly believe that nothing is harder that wanting something and not giving yourself the chance to have it because you are afraid of making a decision. Not ever knowing what it is like to get over the fence and experience what it is like on the other side – seeing the opportunity, the possibility, the transformation and never having it – that is a million times harder than the process of deciding.

A decision often creates short-term discomfort and some level of inconvenience.

Know that going in. Are you willing to experience the discomfort and inconvenience, in order to have want you ultimately want? If so, then find people in your life who will support you. Find the people that will cheer you on and hold you accountable to your decision. Surround yourself with friends, family, mentors, coaches, advisors that see your “other side of the fence” and will help you get there, no matter what. Once you get “off the fence” and over to the other side, you will find everything you need to make the decision “right” and to move your life in the direction that you have always wanted.

Avoidance.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

 

Not wanting to do something that we have to do.
Keeping away.
An escape from consequences.

We love to create all kinds of worse case scenarios for the way that things will turn out, so we can avoid doing things that we don’t want to do.

We dream up terrible outcomes. We imagine bad endings. We create all sorts of evidence why avoiding the situation makes perfect sense. Then we distract. We procrastinate. And we resist wanting the thing that we have worked so hard to avoid going after.

The negative self-talk begins and all sorts of feelings emerge. These are usually, the not-so-great feelings, like frustration, guilt, disappointment, worry. Each of these unsettling feelings created, because we decided to avoid doing something we needed / wanted to do.

The truth is that we avoid doing difficult and challenging things because we want to avoid feeling uncomfortable. And yet, when we don’t follow through and take action on things we need to do, we experience all kinds of negative emotions anyway. We trade a potential negative feeling and taking action for wanting to escape a negative feeling, taking no action and feeling negative emotions of avoidance anyway.

So here are my tips on how to move through avoidance.

Identify your WHY. Why do you need to do this thing? Search for the meaning and connect to it. Does it improve your life in some way? Will it have long-term positive consequences if it goes well? Is it about helping someone that you care about? Look at the big picture. If you can’t find and identify the why and stand behind it, then perhaps this thing is something you are doing out of obligation or for the wrong reasons. Make sure you know your WHY. Be truthful and connected to it.
Focus on the positive outcomes. What are all the amazing possible outcomes that can come from taking this action? What is possible? Use your imagination to predict best-case scenarios – let this motivate you in a very powerful way towards making decisions and taking action.
Be willing to sit with negative emotion. Accept that negative feelings are going to come up. Knowing ahead of time, that negative emotions will show up as guilt, regret, disappointment and worry if you don’t take the action that you need to. Understand that taking action may trigger discomfort, fear, embarrassment for you. Be ready for those feelings. Expect them. Welcome the uncomfortable into your life, because it means that you are doing something challenging / difficult and moving closer towards something you want. Be willing to feel your uncomfortable feelings and take action anyway. It is best way to move closer towards the things that you want in your life.

Make Change For The Better.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

To better your life, there must be a willingness and openness to change. The best news is that change comes from within. We are in control of how, when and if we decide to change in order to improve our lives. We do not have to wait for circumstances or other people to make it happen. We have the privilege of being able to do it ourselves, anytime we want. All we have to do is start.

Here are 5 of my favorite ways to start making change for the better!

1. Trust Your Intuition:
Imagine your life if you fully tapped into your intuition. Our intuition is one of most powerful resources we own. Listening to our intuition is the essence of creativity, the foundation for intentional living, and the source of all our best answers and decisions. Intuition is that hunch you have, your gut feeling our “knowing”. Connecting and listening to your intuition is a skill to master and it takes practice. Allowing yourself the experience of listening to your intuition, even if you’re unsure will begin to build your trust. Listening to your intuition is key to making decisions because you already have the best answer inside you.

2. Show Up in Your Life:
Do you expend more energy avoiding your life rather than showing up in it? Is more time spent telling yourself you will do it tomorrow, wasting hours in procrastination and avoidance? It’s time for that to change. Begin showing up in your life, in small or big ways, it doesn’t matter, the point is to show up. Show up imperfectly – be exactly who you are right now. Agree to stop tricking yourself into thinking you will show up later once you’ve come up with the perfect way to do it, with the best idea or the ideal opportunity. The best of everything comes after you decide to show up. When you show up in your life, you build a deep sense of self-confidence and which allows you to play a bigger role in your life.

3. Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable:
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be unpleasant or scary, but staying in a place where we feel at ease doesn’t help us make the changes we desire or take our lives to the next level. Make an agreement with yourself to find a way to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Today, do one thing you’ve wanted to do but haven’t yet because you feel uncomfortable doing so. Through the process of doing this you will find out you have much more to offer yourself and the world.

4. Take More Action:
Inaction does not result in fulfillment. Get out of your head and into your life by taking action. Instead of waiting for some big push or inspiration to hit, decide to take action right now. If you have a sense your life would benefit from taking a class, or working with a coach, then sign up. If you have been thinking about writing that book, starting drawing or getting back to an exercise regimen, stop thinking and take action. Write your outline, enroll in that class, get your art supplies, put your sneakers on and take that walk. Take action.

5. Embrace Life’s Lessons:
Don’t worry about making mistakes. When you concern yourself with thoughts of failure, you hinder yourself from making any progress. Focusing on how you might not succeed keeps you from taking action to move forward. The more you worry about making mistakes, the more stagnant you become. Begin to trust that every mistake you make is the perfect opportunity to learn and grow. Embrace the lessons you’ll learn from the blunders and errors you might make rather than allowing these fears to hold you back. Don’t beat yourself up about how you might not be perfect; celebrate the fact that you are taking charge of your life and taking action toward your goals.

The best thing about your life is you get to decide, how and when you want to change it. Putting one or all of these tips into practice will getting you moving and I guarantee you’ll find that you are more confident than you think you are and you will feel more in control of your life and your destiny.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

When was the last time that you stepped out of your comfort zone and did something unexpected?

It is very easy to play it safe – to stay comfortable and to not risk anything. We like to predict endings. We like to control outcomes. This tendency keeps us within our comfort zone.

The challenge with the comfort zone is that we don’t get to learn anything new about ourselves when we stay there. Our life results are consistently the same, which proves our thoughts about avoiding risk, playing it safe to be consistently the same. The cycle continues.

When we step out of our comfort zones, we enter the area of unknowing. It can test our resiliency and strength. Outside the comfort zone gives our minds new things to think about. Creative problem-solving is activated and our bodies are flooded with new thoughts and feelings and it can be very uncomfortable. And it is also where the vulnerable fun is. Yes, I just said vulnerable fun! Being vulnerable means not having all the answers all the time, not always having to be right, being in uncharted territory, being messy and a little scared. What’s not fun about that? It can be so exhausting and stressful to be so predictable and perfect and comfortable and safe. Being vulnerable means releasing the pressure valve a little bit, letting go and trusting that everything will be ok. It is also an amazing chance to see ourselves in new ways. The chance to fail and try again, the chance to experiment with new belief systems. A chance to grow, evolve and get closer to our dreams.

Being vulnerable invites us outside the comfort zone and into opportunity.

If you feel like the walls around your comfort zone are closing in on you, consider these questions:

  • What are you denying yourself because you are staying in your comfort zone?
  • What dream are you postponing because of a fear of possibly being uncomfortable?
  • How could your life be different if you chose to boldly step out of your comfort zone?
  • What could you learn about yourself if you were willing to choose opportunity?

Staying in your comfort zone is optional. Choosing to step out, means that anything is possible.

Change Your Story

We all have stories.

Stories from our pasts that shape and define who we are today.

Stories that help explain and justify how we ended up where we are, doing what we do.

Stories that sometimes give us an excuse for not meeting our full potential.

Stories that keep our drama from the past, very alive in our present.

Stories that are full of blame.

Stories that keep us being the victim.

Stories that hold a lot of power over us.

And we think that this is the only way that stories work.

That they were written for us. Forever bound to us. Defining who we are now and in the future, permanently.

Until we learn that our stories can change.

All stories are made of up of two things: facts & opinions of those facts.

The facts hold true over time – dates, times, places, events and what people said or did.

The opinions of those facts are just that – opinions. They are not truth. They may look like truth, feel like truth, but still they are only opinions of truth.

The opinions of facts can always evolve, shift and transform.

We get to change our stories anytime we want to, especially when our stories is keeping us trapped, small, afraid and stuck.

We can change our minds. We can see things differently. We can alter our perspectives. We can grow up. We can forgive. We can heal. We can let go. We can stop blaming. We can assume responsibility. We can tell a new story.

Anytime we want.

We can use our stories to inspire, motivate, encourage, teach and expand.

That is powerful.

That is freedom.

Change your story. Change your life.