Asking for Help.

Katie Pulsifer ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Asking for help is one of the hardest things for most women to do.

And there are so many reasons why will won’t do it. Here are some examples:
We are too proud.
We don’t want to bother someone.
It’s embarrassing.
We are supposed to figure things out ourselves.
We just don’t talk about our problems.

Unfortunately, when we are not asking for help we are usually putting ourselves in a position of taking on too much. We end up exhausted, over-scheduled, over-committed and burning out. Not only do we end up with too little energy to do the things we said we would get done, but we find out we don’t have any energy left over for ourselves. This leaves us feeling pretty tapped out and potentially very unhappy. This is often what leads to self-sabotaging behaviors, like over-eating, over-working, over-drinking, over-spending….

I believe that, as women, we can and must, put our needs first, in order to realize all of our potential and to have amazing lives that we deserve. To do this, we must be willing to ask for help in achieving our dreams or for help in working through something that is holding us back from having everything that we want.

I know that for some of you, this can trigger a lot of negative emotions – to imagine asking a friend, partner or family member to help you. Whether you are looking for support to leave a job, lose weight, have a difficult conversation, stick to a wellness plan, get out of a challenging relationship, ask for a raise, or start a new business. It is hard enough to claim exactly what you want, let alone ask someone else to help support you in going after it.

If you are habitually uncomfortable asking for help and consistently find yourself in a cycle of self-sabotage because you always try to do everything on your own, then it is important to uncover what is going on for you. What are the sponsoring feelings that you are consistently experiencing that make it difficult for you to ask for help?

Most likely, you are experiencing one of two feelings:
1. Guilt
or
2. Fear

Guilt shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am supposed to be able to do it all.
I should take care of everything myself.
Everyone expects me to be able to figure it out myself.

Fear shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am afraid of what they will say if I can’t do it myself.
I am afraid of what they will think if I have to ask for help.
I am afraid of being seen as weak or incapable.

Why would we choose to let guilt and fear be the reasons that prevent us from asking for help, and therefore prevent us moving closer to our dreams? Why would we allow fear and guilt to zap our potential and desire for something better?

The truth is, that guilt and fear are just feelings – and not as powerful over our lives as we let it seem. All feelings, including guilt and fear, are just vibrations that run through our bodies, caused by the thoughts that we think. Our thoughts are just opinions and judgements of our circumstances. Our thoughts are not the facts and they are not the truth. And the good news is that we can change our thoughts anytime.

Whenever you are experiencing a negative emotion that is holding you back, you can always find the thoughts that are creating it. With a little focus and some practice, you can replace the limiting thoughts with new thoughts that can inspire new action.

Here are some of my favorite thoughts to think when it comes to asking for help. See if you can use these thoughts or any others this week, to help you ask for something that you need. You will be amazed by how good it feels to ask for help, to get support and to let go of the need to do it all.

A powerful person is comfortable asking for what they need.
A person who asks for help is very clear about their limits and boundaries.
The people who love me, always show up when I ask for help.
A person who asks for help knows their strengths.
People love to support someone who is going after their dreams.
A person who asks for help is not willing to settle.
Asking for help is all about receiving love.

Fall Goals.

Katie Pulsifer Coachingask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care
It’s the time of year again, signaled by the end of August, back to school and fall around the corner – the time when we often re-evaluate routines and patterns, and consider making changes. It can literally feel like the new year and awaken in us, the desire to set new goals or resolutions about how we will move into the new season and the last four months of the year. It can be an inspiring time. Full of possibility and hope, for bad habits to be replaced by good ones – to foster more structure, follow-though and consistency in our daily lives.

Exciting, right?

Absolutely!
And then we get to work creating our new fall routines – getting organized, signing up for activities and classes, cleaning and purging from summer vacation, travel and camp. This will keep us very pre-occupied for the month of September. The days will be full and schedules packed, and we will let ourselves believe that this means that we are making real change and progress towards our goals.
But this often isn’t the kind of change that we are ultimately craving. This is just busy-ness. Busy-ness being recreated all over again, like last fall and the fall before that. We step right back into the same pattern of over-scheduling and over-whelming ourselves with huge to-do lists and obligations. We forget to make time for ourselves and to think about the bigger goals that we secretly desire. This can be challenging and very frustrating. It can be difficult to figure out what it is that we really want for ourselves, especially when we become so habituated to being busy.
Here is what I like to suggest if you want to move into the rest of this year feeling more empowered, grounded and connected with your goals. This is a great exercise to put in place this week of transition, before fall really starts.
Answer these two questions:
  • What are my strengths? Make a list of them.
  • How can I better utilize my strengths to create a happier, more joyful and successful fall?
By answering these two powerful questions, you will generate amazing feelings about yourself, realize what is possible and increase your excitement motivation to follow through on goal-setting.
Now answer this question.
  • What are my weaker qualities that need strengthening, compassion and attention in order to reach my goals for this fall? Choose three.
This is a great question to help make your goals become even more crystal clear.
Once you have answered all the questions above and have chosen the three qualities you would like to strengthen, follow this 3-step process:
Step 1: Write a Fall Goal Card for each goal with a positive affirmation to go along with it (keep it in the present tense).
Step 2: Put your Fall Goal Cards where you will see them, every day. Look at them a couple of times every day (remind yourself what matters and why).
Step 3: Choose three actions you can take this week to begin to strengthen a quality within yourself that needs your attention (add extra love and compassion).
As you consider the qualities you would like to strengthen, remember that the quickest way to create a better life is to focus on taking action. Release yourself from focusing on what you haven’t done or still need to do. Even the smallest of action steps will create amazing momentum. Momentum combined with everything that you captured on your list of strengths, will help boost your confidence and get you closer to achieving your goals.

Confidence.

katie pulsifer coaching confidence creation self-care

Increasing self-confidence is much easier than you think. I promise. You must first deeply value yourself and own all of who you are – in this moment. You must start to release self-criticism, judgement and end the conversation with yourself that is all about not being enough and waiting for everything to be perfect. Self-confidence is about believing in yourself, no matter what. If you decide to reject yourself rather than believe in yourself, you will always struggle with confidence issues. Increasing self-confidence comes from increasing how you care for yourself – what you think and say about yourself – how you treat yourself. It’s that simple.

No one can make you feel confident. Confidence is not something that you can go out and acquire. Feeling confident is an inside job. It is internal skill to be developed by you and developing this skill takes daily focus and practice.

The best way I know how to do this, is to establish a consistent routine of self-care. I think of self-care as the way I use my thoughts, words and actions to direct my life towards what I want. I can choose to value myself through the thoughts I think and the words I speak, or not. The more deliberate that I am in my thoughts and words, the more compassionate and loving I become – the more intentioned I am about believing in myself. With compassion and love, I can shut down my inner critic, stop rejecting myself and start believing in myself instead. And when my inner critic goes quiet, I release self-doubt and take more action towards what I want in my life. Taking action always builds self-confidence.

For this week, focus on these 3 self-care tips to help boost your self-confidence.

  • Choose kind words to describe yourself, always.
  • Direct your mind towards more loving and compassionate thoughts to inspire feeling more confident
  • Take action from a place of believing in yourself and all your potential

Make Change For The Better.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

To better your life, there must be a willingness and openness to change. The best news is that change comes from within. We are in control of how, when and if we decide to change in order to improve our lives. We do not have to wait for circumstances or other people to make it happen. We have the privilege of being able to do it ourselves, anytime we want. All we have to do is start.

Here are 5 of my favorite ways to start making change for the better!

1. Trust Your Intuition:
Imagine your life if you fully tapped into your intuition. Our intuition is one of most powerful resources we own. Listening to our intuition is the essence of creativity, the foundation for intentional living, and the source of all our best answers and decisions. Intuition is that hunch you have, your gut feeling our “knowing”. Connecting and listening to your intuition is a skill to master and it takes practice. Allowing yourself the experience of listening to your intuition, even if you’re unsure will begin to build your trust. Listening to your intuition is key to making decisions because you already have the best answer inside you.

2. Show Up in Your Life:
Do you expend more energy avoiding your life rather than showing up in it? Is more time spent telling yourself you will do it tomorrow, wasting hours in procrastination and avoidance? It’s time for that to change. Begin showing up in your life, in small or big ways, it doesn’t matter, the point is to show up. Show up imperfectly – be exactly who you are right now. Agree to stop tricking yourself into thinking you will show up later once you’ve come up with the perfect way to do it, with the best idea or the ideal opportunity. The best of everything comes after you decide to show up. When you show up in your life, you build a deep sense of self-confidence and which allows you to play a bigger role in your life.

3. Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable:
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be unpleasant or scary, but staying in a place where we feel at ease doesn’t help us make the changes we desire or take our lives to the next level. Make an agreement with yourself to find a way to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Today, do one thing you’ve wanted to do but haven’t yet because you feel uncomfortable doing so. Through the process of doing this you will find out you have much more to offer yourself and the world.

4. Take More Action:
Inaction does not result in fulfillment. Get out of your head and into your life by taking action. Instead of waiting for some big push or inspiration to hit, decide to take action right now. If you have a sense your life would benefit from taking a class, or working with a coach, then sign up. If you have been thinking about writing that book, starting drawing or getting back to an exercise regimen, stop thinking and take action. Write your outline, enroll in that class, get your art supplies, put your sneakers on and take that walk. Take action.

5. Embrace Life’s Lessons:
Don’t worry about making mistakes. When you concern yourself with thoughts of failure, you hinder yourself from making any progress. Focusing on how you might not succeed keeps you from taking action to move forward. The more you worry about making mistakes, the more stagnant you become. Begin to trust that every mistake you make is the perfect opportunity to learn and grow. Embrace the lessons you’ll learn from the blunders and errors you might make rather than allowing these fears to hold you back. Don’t beat yourself up about how you might not be perfect; celebrate the fact that you are taking charge of your life and taking action toward your goals.

The best thing about your life is you get to decide, how and when you want to change it. Putting one or all of these tips into practice will getting you moving and I guarantee you’ll find that you are more confident than you think you are and you will feel more in control of your life and your destiny.