4 Powerful Lessons to Create an Empowered Life

Here are four of the most significant lessons that I have learned and used to create an empowered life.

These lessons have changed my life in radical ways – helping me to let go of what I can’t control and focus on what I can. These lessons have taught me how to know myself better and how to positively influence every direction of my life, creating what I want on purpose and not by default.

 

1. Stay out of everyone else’s emotions.

I’ll admit, this one took me a long time to learn.

I used to believe that it was my responsibility to create other people’s emotions.
I believed that it was my job to make people feel happy, appreciated, included, calm, engaged, interested and special.
Therefore, I believed that it was also my responsibility to ensure that the people in my life never felt disappointment, anger, sadness, frustration, worry, fear or loneliness.
I thought that was my job and just the way things worked.
It meant that I spent a lot of time trying to ensure that people would feel the way that I wanted them to. Of course, I wanted the people I knew and loved to feel good (positive emotions) and to never suffer (negative emotions) so I worked really hard to manipulate situations, so there would always be happy endings and positive outcomes. I tried to anticipate potential negative outcomes and remove that possibility if I could.
It was a lot of work. It took so much effort. It was exhausting.
Sometimes I felt like I was successful and a lot of the time, I felt like I was not.
I continued to do this, until I learned the important lesson that other people’s emotions are none of my business.
People get to feel and experience any emotion that they want.
I have no business going into their lives and trying to manipulate circumstances in order to create a specific outcome.
Their emotional experience is 100% their own responsibility. It is for their benefit. What they do in their lives is entirely dependent on what they feel. I have no place trying to influence their experience of processing their own emotions – whatever that means for them.
My only job is to create, observe and understand my own emotions and manage them effectively. Lesson one of living an empowered life.

2. Stir up some fear and self-doubt on purpose.

I used to be very risk adverse.
I was afraid of experiencing fear.
I hated feeling self-doubt.
So, I lived in a very cozy comfort zone. Everything was safe and predictable. I loved trying to control everything and make it perfect.
Perfect to me – meant stable and consistent, reliable and steady.
And it also meant my life was stagnant and stuck.
The safety and security that I had created around me was like a protective shield and it was literally sucking the life out of me.
I craved growth and evolution in my own life. I loved learning new things. But as soon as a little fear of the unknown or self-doubt about my abilities to create something new creeped in, I retreated back to the security of my comfort zone.
I started new things and stopped when I got scared, felt uncertain or uncomfortable.
I didn’t know that evolving and growth automatically meant that fear, self-doubt, uncertainty and discomfort would show up.
I didn’t know experiencing the feelings of self-doubt and fear are exactly what I had to experience in order to grow.
I learned that those emotions came from my thoughts.
Those emotions are actually harmless.
The worse thing that could ever happen is that I would feel some self-doubt, some fear, some uncertainty and some discomfort.
Those emotions would wash through my body and I would feel them.
And by being willing to experience them, I would grow towards the new thing that I wanted to learn. I would evolve and stretch myself towards the new experience and ultimately create a new experience in my life.
I learned the lesson that fear and self-doubt are a necessary and manageable part of growing out of a comfort zone. Lesson two of living an empowered life.

 3. Protect my yes.

I used to believe that I had to do it all.
I had to always say yes.
To create the best for family. To make everything perfect. To please everyone. To never disappoint or let anyone down. To always be prepared for anything.
And that I could never ask for help doing it all.
And guess what?
I completely wore myself out.
For a while, it was fulfilling work. I told myself that it was noble.
It’s what women do – they just take care of everything.
And then, my exhaustion caught up with me.
I stopped taking care of myself.
I was angry.
I felt unappreciated.
I was disappointed.
I was deeply resentful.
I didn’t understand why I had these feelings and then I felt badly that I had them. I was ashamed that all my attempts to take care of everything and make it perfect didn’t bring me more satisfaction. It was distressing to realize that I was actually making myself miserable trying to be a woman who took care of everything all the time, at my own expense.
Then, I learned the important lesson of constraint. I learned that I could protect my yes. And most importantly, I did not need to say yes to others at my own expense.
I learned that I was trying to take care of everyone and make everything perfect, so others would be happy.
I was always saying yes to manage other people’s emotions (lesson 1).
This was a big wake-up call for me. If other people are ultimately responsible for creating their own emotions, then it doesn’t matter how much effort I expend and how many times I say yes to everything to try and control their emotions.
It doesn’t work that way.
I was suffering by over-extending myself to do the impossible – manage other people’s emotions.
I learned the lesson of protecting my yes, so that I could take better care of myself and focus on what I could control, not what I couldn’t. Lesson three of creating an empowered life.

4. Love myself, no matter what.

This is my most favorite lesson.
This one is powerful because it means that I have learned to generate my own self-love – under any circumstance, no matter what.
I am not reliant on others to love me, so that I feel love.
I am not dependent on taking care of everyone, making everything perfect, managing all the details, manipulating happy ending and outcomes, so that I will experience love.
My job is to love myself.
When I do this, then I can show up and allow other people to experience their own emotions without trying to change them.
When I love myself, I don’t feel compelled to influence other people’s emotions. I allow them to feel whatever they want and I am ok.
When I love myself, I know that I can embrace fear and self-doubt as a necessary part of growing and evolving into the best version of myself.
I use self-love to help me overcome the moments when fear and self-doubt tempt me to quit, give up or sabotage my dreams.
I use self-love to keep from retreating back to the comfort zone of my old life.
When I love myself, I protect my yes, with ease. I know exactly how to ensure that I do not over-extend myself to my own detriment.
When I love myself, I know that perfect doesn’t matter.
When I love myself, I know that taking care of myself is my top priority. And that I can take care of myself without feeling selfish and guilty – because feeling selfish and guilty never inspire me to take care of myself. Those feelings are unnecessary, not useful and do not feel good.
Love always feels good.
And I am the beneficiary of my love.
I get to enjoying the double experience of creating love for myself and receiving the love that I create for myself.
And now I go out of my way to create and experience more of it, every day. Lesson four of creating an empowered life.

Make Change For The Better.

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To better your life, there must be a willingness and openness to change. The best news is that change comes from within. We are in control of how, when and if we decide to change in order to improve our lives. We do not have to wait for circumstances or other people to make it happen. We have the privilege of being able to do it ourselves, anytime we want. All we have to do is start.

Here are 5 of my favorite ways to start making change for the better!

1. Trust Your Intuition:
Imagine your life if you fully tapped into your intuition. Our intuition is one of most powerful resources we own. Listening to our intuition is the essence of creativity, the foundation for intentional living, and the source of all our best answers and decisions. Intuition is that hunch you have, your gut feeling our “knowing”. Connecting and listening to your intuition is a skill to master and it takes practice. Allowing yourself the experience of listening to your intuition, even if you’re unsure will begin to build your trust. Listening to your intuition is key to making decisions because you already have the best answer inside you.

2. Show Up in Your Life:
Do you expend more energy avoiding your life rather than showing up in it? Is more time spent telling yourself you will do it tomorrow, wasting hours in procrastination and avoidance? It’s time for that to change. Begin showing up in your life, in small or big ways, it doesn’t matter, the point is to show up. Show up imperfectly – be exactly who you are right now. Agree to stop tricking yourself into thinking you will show up later once you’ve come up with the perfect way to do it, with the best idea or the ideal opportunity. The best of everything comes after you decide to show up. When you show up in your life, you build a deep sense of self-confidence and which allows you to play a bigger role in your life.

3. Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable:
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be unpleasant or scary, but staying in a place where we feel at ease doesn’t help us make the changes we desire or take our lives to the next level. Make an agreement with yourself to find a way to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Today, do one thing you’ve wanted to do but haven’t yet because you feel uncomfortable doing so. Through the process of doing this you will find out you have much more to offer yourself and the world.

4. Take More Action:
Inaction does not result in fulfillment. Get out of your head and into your life by taking action. Instead of waiting for some big push or inspiration to hit, decide to take action right now. If you have a sense your life would benefit from taking a class, or working with a coach, then sign up. If you have been thinking about writing that book, starting drawing or getting back to an exercise regimen, stop thinking and take action. Write your outline, enroll in that class, get your art supplies, put your sneakers on and take that walk. Take action.

5. Embrace Life’s Lessons:
Don’t worry about making mistakes. When you concern yourself with thoughts of failure, you hinder yourself from making any progress. Focusing on how you might not succeed keeps you from taking action to move forward. The more you worry about making mistakes, the more stagnant you become. Begin to trust that every mistake you make is the perfect opportunity to learn and grow. Embrace the lessons you’ll learn from the blunders and errors you might make rather than allowing these fears to hold you back. Don’t beat yourself up about how you might not be perfect; celebrate the fact that you are taking charge of your life and taking action toward your goals.

The best thing about your life is you get to decide, how and when you want to change it. Putting one or all of these tips into practice will getting you moving and I guarantee you’ll find that you are more confident than you think you are and you will feel more in control of your life and your destiny.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

When was the last time that you stepped out of your comfort zone and did something unexpected?

It is very easy to play it safe – to stay comfortable and to not risk anything. We like to predict endings. We like to control outcomes. This tendency keeps us within our comfort zone.

The challenge with the comfort zone is that we don’t get to learn anything new about ourselves when we stay there. Our life results are consistently the same, which proves our thoughts about avoiding risk, playing it safe to be consistently the same. The cycle continues.

When we step out of our comfort zones, we enter the area of unknowing. It can test our resiliency and strength. Outside the comfort zone gives our minds new things to think about. Creative problem-solving is activated and our bodies are flooded with new thoughts and feelings and it can be very uncomfortable. And it is also where the vulnerable fun is. Yes, I just said vulnerable fun! Being vulnerable means not having all the answers all the time, not always having to be right, being in uncharted territory, being messy and a little scared. What’s not fun about that? It can be so exhausting and stressful to be so predictable and perfect and comfortable and safe. Being vulnerable means releasing the pressure valve a little bit, letting go and trusting that everything will be ok. It is also an amazing chance to see ourselves in new ways. The chance to fail and try again, the chance to experiment with new belief systems. A chance to grow, evolve and get closer to our dreams.

Being vulnerable invites us outside the comfort zone and into opportunity.

If you feel like the walls around your comfort zone are closing in on you, consider these questions:

  • What are you denying yourself because you are staying in your comfort zone?
  • What dream are you postponing because of a fear of possibly being uncomfortable?
  • How could your life be different if you chose to boldly step out of your comfort zone?
  • What could you learn about yourself if you were willing to choose opportunity?

Staying in your comfort zone is optional. Choosing to step out, means that anything is possible.