The Upside of Risk-Taking

risk-taking

Some people are great at risk-taking. They thrive on pursuing what they want, despite big challenges or even danger.

Trying new things seems to come more easily to them. They appear to be fearless. Uber confident. Or completely insane.

They seem care-free and unburdened. Always up for an adventure. Completely willing to try new things.

And always answering, “YES!!!! Let’s do this!”

I used to admire and simultaneously fear risk-takers.

Who are these people? I wondered.
What did they I have that I didn’t have?
Was it a special gene that I just wasn’t born with?

Where does that all that fearlessness come from?

I always knew that had a tiny risk-taker inside of me.

But I also learned how to silence her.

She was inconvenient. Restless and unpredictable. She wanted to mess with my perfectly thoughtful and careful planning.

How dare her?

I wanted to be in control.
And to stay safe.
Numb the fear.
Danger was to be avoided at all costs, no matter what.

But, here’s what I have learned about safety and fear and danger.

Safety is easy. Fear is necessary. And danger is a myth.

The truth is that there’s very little in our everyday lives, that is actually dangerous.

We have homes. And clothes to keep us warm. There is more than enough food to eat. There is clean water. We have heat, drug stores, phones, and jobs. We have education, pets to love, medicine and bank accounts.

We are safer than we think.

Now that’s not to say that a lot of things feel huge and scary and totally impossible, but this is different than dangerous.

Fear trips us up all the time. Our brains get super confused by fear.

Our ‘fight or flight brains’ try to tell us that everything is DANGEROUS and that we must avoid, stay away and protect against danger and the possibility of suffering harm or injury.

Fear is necessary. For growth and change and evolution.
And fear does mean the same thing as danger.

Fear is an emotion. Plain and simple. Fear is a vibration that passes through our bodies that usually feels uncomfortable. Despite what we believe, there is no physical harm with feeling the emotion of fear.

And yet, fear is the biggest excuse we use to not take risks, make a change, pursue a dream, to fall in love, to make more money, to follow our passion.

We also use the excuse of fear justify procrastination, over-eating, avoiding, complaining, gossiping, self-doubt and indecision.

SAFETY FIRST.

Stay comfortable. Stay familiar. Stay predictable.

Everything that we really want is just on the other side of fear.

The best way I know to work with fear in pursuit of growth and change is to acknowledge that fear is necessary and danger is a myth.
Fearlessness takes practice.
The best way to practice is to challenge yourself to do something uncomfortable.
Dare yourself. Unleash your inner risk-taker.
It bolsters self-confidence and courage, which builds the muscle of working with fear in your future.

Everything that you really want is on the other side of fear and fear is just an emotion. Feeling the emotion of fear is not dangerous.

Make a sales call.
Ask for raise.
Schedule some time for yourself.
Go to an event, alone.
Say no.
Sign up for a class.
Start the first chapter of your book.
Say, I love you, first.
Volunteer to speak in public.
End a toxic relationship.

Notice how these things are not dangerous. They are just tasks that seem hard because of an uncomfortable feeling. Don’t let your brain fool you. It wants to protect you from danger.

I want you to have what you want and not to let a little fear get in your way of having it.

I want you to say “YES! Let’s do this!”

Set your inner risk-taker free. I dare you!

Do you want to explore the idea of setting your inner risk-taker free? Why not, schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can talk about what’s getting in your way and holding you back. This no-obligation conversation could be just what you need to set yourself free. Book your session today!

The Importance of Reflection.

reflection

It is a perfect week to look back – to scan over the months and days of 2016 – a time for reflection.

To think about all the things that took place during the year.

To give our time and attention to the details of our life.

We worked hard to create every moment. To schedule every appointment. To accomplish every task.

Why not take some time to assess what it all meant and to reflect on the cumulative effect of all our hard work?

Take 30 minutes and sit down with your 2016 calendar and look back on the year.

Review each month carefully – noticing the doctor’s appointments, scheduled meetings, morning drop-offs, vacations, performances, family reunions, errands, date nights, work trips and house projects.

Think about the flow of money in and out of your life.
Think about your health throughout the year, the sick days and the well days.
Think about the love you gave and the love you received.
Think about the emotions you experienced throughout the year.

How did you feel most of the time?
Happy? Motivated? Excited? Confident? Focused? Content?
Or
Afraid? Worried? Detached? Sad? Guilty? Confused?

Make notes and observations about 2016 and then answer these questions:

  • What moments are you most proud of and why?
  • Where did you struggle and why?
  • What did you learn about yourself?
  • How did you grow and evolve?
  • Where did you hold yourself back?

Take responsibility and ownership of all of it. Every single moment was created by you.

It’s not just the events that fill the blocks of time on our calendars that matter – it is the effect of all of those events, combined with our physical and emotional well-being that determine the success of our lives.

It doesn’t matter how much we accomplished (on the calendar) in 2016, if we spent a lot of the year feeling exhausted, lonely, stressed out and broke.

This reflection exercise is so important because it encourages us to look at the whole picture of 2016 and to be honest with ourselves about our results. And here is what is really important to understand – our results are always created by our own thinking. Seriously! All of our 2016 results began with our thoughts. So all of our positive results started with positive thoughts and all of our negative results started with negative thoughts.

It is so important to really grasp this concept before moving into any goal setting for 2017 because you have the opportunity to generate different results for yourself by changing your thoughts. But before you do any 2017 planning, I really encourage you to look back in detail at 2016 and reflect on the overall outcome. Be honest with yourself about your year. Be truthful. Own it. All of it. From this place, you will be able to be much more authentic in looking ahead to what you want to accomplish next year.

Next week, I will give you some specific exercises on how to create your 2017 goals, using your most valuable and sophisticated planning tool – your mind! Here’s the link to the exercises: https://katiepulsifercoaching.com/2017/01/06/success/

Until then – Happy New Year!

Do you want your future or your past?

past

Do you want your future or your past?

It’s an interesting question to consider. And here’s why.

One of the main causes of current problems in our lives is our programming from our past. Our past is where all of our current thinking was learned.

From the time you were young all the way until now, you have adopted beliefs and thought patterns mostly unconsciously. Now as an adult, you may be very skilled at thinking those thoughts without even realizing how they are affecting you.

In fact, some of your past programming is not only creating your current thinking, feeling and action patterns, but it is also controlling your focus.

Often, I will have clients who spend most of their sessions with me talking about their past. They will recall stories from their childhood, things they experienced as young adults, and in previous relationships, etc.

Their past-focused approach prevents them from moving forward. It perpetuates evidence for unconscious programming and doesn’t allow for deeper awareness or more deliberate present thinking.

These clients typically have a hard time dreaming and thinking about the future. Their past programming dominates and distracts any opportunity for exciting change and growth.

Here are some past-focused beliefs that my clients have shared with me:

I am just this kind of person
I’ve never been able to do that
This always happens to me
This is just the way life is
It’s what I’ve always known
It’s never going to change

Most of the time, my clients have no idea that they are so focused on the past.

The tricky part about being past-focused is that they are really good at it because they have been practicing it for many years. It’s such an ingrained way of thinking and they do not even realize that you are doing it.

Besides inhibiting growth, change and even dreaming – past-focused thinking prevents us from trying new things.

When we look to our past for confidence and for evidence we can succeed at something new, we will not be able to find it. We can only find confidence and evidence for the things we are already good at doing.

Confidence can come from new beliefs in new things, not from our past.

We need to tap into the energy of our present and our future in order to create momentum. We dream of something we want by imagining something in our future. Even if we want to recreate something we’ve had in our past, we need to remember it’s a new creation and not a repetition.

If we only look for evidence in the past for our confidence we need to move forward, we may not be able to see the potential for change. When we are in our past-focused loop, we can’t find the solutions.

The solutions are always found in the present by changing our minds about what is possible and what can be different.

When we are past-focused we are stuck in patterns that don’t serve our growth. When we are present and future-focused, we are taking control of our thinking and deciding how to think deliberately moving forward.

One of the best ways to focus your mind on the future is by setting goals and dreaming about you want in the future.

If you are ready to start choosing your future over your past, book a complimentary Breakthrough Session and I will show you how. Let’s talk about the past programming that you are ready to let go in pursuit of a future that you are really excited about.

Confidence.

katie pulsifer coaching confidence creation self-care

Increasing self-confidence is much easier than you think. I promise. You must first deeply value yourself and own all of who you are – in this moment. You must start to release self-criticism, judgement and end the conversation with yourself that is all about not being enough and waiting for everything to be perfect. Self-confidence is about believing in yourself, no matter what. If you decide to reject yourself rather than believe in yourself, you will always struggle with confidence issues. Increasing self-confidence comes from increasing how you care for yourself – what you think and say about yourself – how you treat yourself. It’s that simple.

No one can make you feel confident. Confidence is not something that you can go out and acquire. Feeling confident is an inside job. It is internal skill to be developed by you and developing this skill takes daily focus and practice.

The best way I know how to do this, is to establish a consistent routine of self-care. I think of self-care as the way I use my thoughts, words and actions to direct my life towards what I want. I can choose to value myself through the thoughts I think and the words I speak, or not. The more deliberate that I am in my thoughts and words, the more compassionate and loving I become – the more intentioned I am about believing in myself. With compassion and love, I can shut down my inner critic, stop rejecting myself and start believing in myself instead. And when my inner critic goes quiet, I release self-doubt and take more action towards what I want in my life. Taking action always builds self-confidence.

For this week, focus on these 3 self-care tips to help boost your self-confidence.

  • Choose kind words to describe yourself, always.
  • Direct your mind towards more loving and compassionate thoughts to inspire feeling more confident
  • Take action from a place of believing in yourself and all your potential

Calm And Connected.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Part of being confident, strong, and successful means living from a place of calm and connection. It means doing away with drama, chaos, worry, self-criticism and self-doubt.
Being free from everything that is not authentic to you will give you a sense of calm so you can get clear and connected – to take action on the plans and desires that you have for yourself.

Confident, strong and successful people have no interest in interpreting the actions of others.

They let go of the need to worry, especially about what others think or meant when they did this or said that. They release the need to dwell on what happened, what you did or didn’t say or what others did or didn’t do. They let go of the drama and the gossip.
The truth is that we have no control over what others do or think, ever. When we spend time interpreting the actions of others, it depletes us and distracts us from our life; these distractions usually lead to self-sabotaging behaviors – the opposite of being calm and connected. Let go today of the habit of interpreting others’ actions and put this energy into living out your desires and creating the most meaningful life.

Confident, strong and successful people choose a life free from worry.

Worrying about the things from the past, future and things we can’t control, never provides a helpful solution or contributes productively to our goals and dreams. Worry is a big distraction, holding us back and keeping us from taking consciousness and meaningful action in our lives. When you stop worrying, you are choosing to stay present – to stay calm and connected to your life in this moment – not what happened in the past or could happen in the future. Let go today of the habit of worry today and choose to focus on what you can control and take action on to bring you closer to your dreams.

Confident, strong and successful people enjoy every moment in life – even the difficult ones.

They know how to savor every part of life. They believe themselves to be strong, resourceful and creative, even in when things become difficult. They know that through challenge, there is growth.

Allow yourself to move in the flow of things and let go of resistance, even when things are most challenging. Staying connected to your calm energy, even in the most difficult moments in life, means looking for positive and creative solutions. Let go today of the habit of creating critical or negative thoughts when things get tough so you are able to find the perfect opportunity to stay calm and connected though the challenging times.

Holding Back.

Do you question whether you are holding yourself back in your life?

If you are asking yourself this on a regular basis, then chances are pretty clear that you are.

Remind yourself that now is always the right time, the perfect time to step out of procrastination and into the life that you want. Why? Because, your life is now — not later.

Many people believe that they have to wait for the right time to start, but the truth is that there is always some underlying fear holding them back. If you find yourself waiting for the fear to go away – chances are, you’ll be waiting a long time. Instead, get curious and honest about what fears you may have. Understanding the reasons why you are holding yourself back will empower you, enable you to end it, and let you get back on track.

You can also turn this holding back & procrastination cycle around by identifying your top priorities. Start this week. What matters most to you and why? Then begin to take small steps towards actualizing those priorities. Many small steps can create the greatest impact of change. An just because you don’t know exactly how to start or what to do isn’t the problem. The absence of priorities combined with fear is the problem.  Taking small steps will help you create a path forward. It will allow you to step through your fear and replace procrastination with action.

I cannot stress enough the importance of getting a clear picture of your top priorities and aligning your energy and actions with them. The truth is that you have everything you need to get your life moving forward. Take action and be productive, rather than holding back and waiting.

When I coach clients and help them to reconnect with their true desires, they can instantly get clarity, define their priorities, and move right out of procrastination. When you truly align with what you desire you will be amazed at how resourceful you become.

Consider the reasons holding you back from what you truly want. Ask yourself: Is it fear? Are you happy with your surroundings? Is it your attitude? Are you letting your mood rule your life? Do you know what your priorities are? Once you have pinpointed the problem and gotten clear about what matters most to you, you can move onto creating the solution.