Paying Attention.

www.katiepulsifercoaching.com

Pay attention to yourself.
Because when you don’t – you are actually choosing to be selfish.

Wait. What?

This is not what you were expecting me to tell you, right?

As women, we have been lead to believe that when deny something for ourselves or hold back on our self-care, it is a “self-less” gesture. We tell ourselves all of these things… The family needs us. Our friends need us. Work needs us. There isn’t enough time. There isn’t enough money. Everyone else comes first. This is just the way life works.

So we tell ourselves that we can go “without” and “make do” and we eventually stop paying attention to ourselves.

In our effort to please, serve, care-take, be responsible, accommodate others – whatever we want to call it – we inadvertently create a cycle of self-sabotage and selfishness.

I talk to women every day who find themselves in this cycle and here is what they tell me that they feel like in their lives. They are successful, accomplished, smart women and this is their daily experience.

  • I get quiet.
  • I stopped asking for what I want.
  • I am disconnected from what was important to me.
  • I complain all the time.
  • I spend money on things I do not need.
  • I stopped dreaming.
  • I have too much stuff and can’t stay organized.
  • I eat too much.
  • I am so angry.
  • I drink too much.
  • I feel detached.
  • I have no idea what makes me happy.
  • I gossip.
  • I just want to escape.
  • I am so resentful.
  • I have spent so much money trying to fix myself.
  • I think something is wrong with me.

This self-sabotage cycle leaves so many of my clients frustrated, disheartened, discouraged and feeling sorry for themselves. They are trying so hard to do the right thing by their families and friends, and yet have become consumed with their own pain and unhappiness. It’s all they think about it. It’s all they talk about it. They obsess about it and complain about it. They have created a pattern of selfish living – the exact thing they were trying to avoid when they decided to put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

So, how do you break this cycle? How do you show up in your life for yourself and everyone that you care about, while not trading off your happiness for everyone else?

Here is how I teach my clients to start paying attention to themselves.

Express yourself and be willing to let everyone disagree
Dream big for yourself
Carve out quality time for yourself every day
Talk about yourself with kindness and respect
Conserve your energy / time / money for what you really love
Clear the clutter
Be your own best friend
Notice your thoughts without judgment
Feed your hunger instead of your feelings
Use your imagination
Ask yourself interesting questions
Choose your words carefully
Honor your priorities
Find out what brings you joy
Refrain from gossip
Be present
Speak your truth
Be willing to say no
Believe that happiness is created by your thoughts, not stuff
Know your worth
Believe you are amazing and so is everyone else
Treat your needs as if they are as important as everyone else’s
And finally, pay attention to yourself from a place of love. It is impossible to be in a state of love and to be selfish at the same time. Self-love promotes quality self-care, allowing us to show up for others with greater compassion, presence and connection – the most selfless state of being.

Calm And Connected.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Part of being confident, strong, and successful means living from a place of calm and connection. It means doing away with drama, chaos, worry, self-criticism and self-doubt.
Being free from everything that is not authentic to you will give you a sense of calm so you can get clear and connected – to take action on the plans and desires that you have for yourself.

Confident, strong and successful people have no interest in interpreting the actions of others.

They let go of the need to worry, especially about what others think or meant when they did this or said that. They release the need to dwell on what happened, what you did or didn’t say or what others did or didn’t do. They let go of the drama and the gossip.
The truth is that we have no control over what others do or think, ever. When we spend time interpreting the actions of others, it depletes us and distracts us from our life; these distractions usually lead to self-sabotaging behaviors – the opposite of being calm and connected. Let go today of the habit of interpreting others’ actions and put this energy into living out your desires and creating the most meaningful life.

Confident, strong and successful people choose a life free from worry.

Worrying about the things from the past, future and things we can’t control, never provides a helpful solution or contributes productively to our goals and dreams. Worry is a big distraction, holding us back and keeping us from taking consciousness and meaningful action in our lives. When you stop worrying, you are choosing to stay present – to stay calm and connected to your life in this moment – not what happened in the past or could happen in the future. Let go today of the habit of worry today and choose to focus on what you can control and take action on to bring you closer to your dreams.

Confident, strong and successful people enjoy every moment in life – even the difficult ones.

They know how to savor every part of life. They believe themselves to be strong, resourceful and creative, even in when things become difficult. They know that through challenge, there is growth.

Allow yourself to move in the flow of things and let go of resistance, even when things are most challenging. Staying connected to your calm energy, even in the most difficult moments in life, means looking for positive and creative solutions. Let go today of the habit of creating critical or negative thoughts when things get tough so you are able to find the perfect opportunity to stay calm and connected though the challenging times.

Worry and Letting Go

Do you spend a lot of time wondering about what other people think?
Do you spend a lot of time trying to make the ‘right decision’?
Do you spend a lot of time reflecting on the past and wishing things had turned out differently?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are spending a lot of your time in worry. Worrying about the things from the past, future and things we can’t control, never provides a helpful solution or contributes productively to our goals and dreams. Worry is a distraction, holding us back and keeping us from taking conscious and meaningful action in our lives. Worry dampens our confidence and never brings us happiness.

To move from worry towards more confidence and happiness, try these three steps:

Enjoy every moment in life – even the difficult ones.
Being confident and letting go of worry means learning to savor every bit of life, even when things become challenging. It’s knowing that through challenge, there is growth. Allow yourself to move in the flow of things and let go of resistance that things are easier. This is key even when things are most challenging. It means looking for positive and creative solutions and staying connected to your good energy. It means letting go of critical or negative thoughts so you are able to find perfect opportunities in the challenging moments.

Find connection.
This is such an important step to letting go of worry. Connect with what matters to you most, whether it is yourself, others, nature, or experiences. Go to the places and people in your life that allow you to feel love, hope and opportunity. Spend time with the people whose opinion and perspective motivates and inspires you. Walk away from those that criticize, deplete and drain you, as that will always just will create more worry.

Decide to be present.
Worry about the past and fear of what could happen in the future, stop you from being authentic and truthful in your present. This fear and worry delays decision-making and often causes us to postpone having something we really want. We get so caught up in trying to make the right decision, that we make no decision at all. The past is over and we always have a choice in how we reflect on it. It doesn’t have to negatively influence our present, unless we choose to let it. The future hasn’t happened yet, so fearing what could happen also prevents us from seeing all the opportunity in our present. To be truly present is let go of worry – to trust that we have everything we need in the moment – to have the confidence to take action and make decisions. It is deliberate choice which allows us move closer to our happiness.