How Commitment Makes Your Dreams Come True

commitment

Every day, I get to talk to the most amazing women.

Hard-working. Smart. Devoted. Funny. Accomplished. Generous Women.

Who each have a desire to do big things in their lives.

They can’t wait to tell me about what they really want. They talk about their dreams in full detail. And how much happier they will be on the other side of achieving these dreams.

As they talk, their energy and excitement amplify. They have rehearsed this exact conversation about their dreams so many times.

And despite all their differences in age, marital status, professions, income, geographic location – we often arrive at the exact same place in our conversation.

I say – “Are you ready to commit to making this happen?”

They say – “Well, I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit right now…but I’m definitely really interested in pursuing it someday.”

Interested.

Oh…ok. Great.

Another dream bites the dust.

Here’s what “being interested” really means.

It means a slow surrender and the painful death of a dream.

“Interested” sounds really good. But it requires no real effort or action.

It’s like dipping your big toe in the water and never jumping in.

It’s like taking one baby step and then stopping in that place and staying there forever.

“Interested” is the same as “hoping” – and you know how I feel about “hoping”. It’s Passive. Safe. Risk-free.

Default Living.

Waiting for someday.

Keep the status quo.

At this point in our conversation, I often encourage my clients to just say no to their dream now. I explain how it is much better, in the long run, to kill it quickly and move on, then to stay “interested” and 1/2 committed forever.

Wait. What?

I know that “interested” pretends to feel like positive momentum in creating the dream, but it’s actually just a stall tactic.

We stall out when we anticipate fear, failure, risk, and change.

And yet, real dreams are born out of fear, failure, risk, and change. It’s part of the deal.

“Interested” saps energy. Creates distraction. It keeps all the options open. Nothing ever gets accomplished. Someday gets pushed out further and further into the future.

Got a big dream? I say, throw everything you’ve got at it, now.

Go all in. Move from interested to committed.

Take those baby steps towards what you want and don’t stop until you have it.

Dip all your toes in the water, then both feet, both legs, your whole body and start swimming until you reach your destination.

Yes, there will be fear and some failures – setbacks, and changes. And there is a high likelihood that you will achieve that dream. That dream will become your future reality.

Commitment makes it possible. Interest will not.

Are you a woman with an amazing dream?

Then, go get it!

Do you want to go from interested to committed? Why not, schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can talk about what’s getting in your way and holding you back. This no-obligation conversation could be just what you need to set yourself free. Book your session today!

The Upside of Risk-Taking

risk-taking

Some people are great at risk-taking. They thrive on pursuing what they want, despite big challenges or even danger.

Trying new things seems to come more easily to them. They appear to be fearless. Uber confident. Or completely insane.

They seem care-free and unburdened. Always up for an adventure. Completely willing to try new things.

And always answering, “YES!!!! Let’s do this!”

I used to admire and simultaneously fear risk-takers.

Who are these people? I wondered.
What did they I have that I didn’t have?
Was it a special gene that I just wasn’t born with?

Where does that all that fearlessness come from?

I always knew that had a tiny risk-taker inside of me.

But I also learned how to silence her.

She was inconvenient. Restless and unpredictable. She wanted to mess with my perfectly thoughtful and careful planning.

How dare her?

I wanted to be in control.
And to stay safe.
Numb the fear.
Danger was to be avoided at all costs, no matter what.

But, here’s what I have learned about safety and fear and danger.

Safety is easy. Fear is necessary. And danger is a myth.

The truth is that there’s very little in our everyday lives, that is actually dangerous.

We have homes. And clothes to keep us warm. There is more than enough food to eat. There is clean water. We have heat, drug stores, phones, and jobs. We have education, pets to love, medicine and bank accounts.

We are safer than we think.

Now that’s not to say that a lot of things feel huge and scary and totally impossible, but this is different than dangerous.

Fear trips us up all the time. Our brains get super confused by fear.

Our ‘fight or flight brains’ try to tell us that everything is DANGEROUS and that we must avoid, stay away and protect against danger and the possibility of suffering harm or injury.

Fear is necessary. For growth and change and evolution.
And fear does mean the same thing as danger.

Fear is an emotion. Plain and simple. Fear is a vibration that passes through our bodies that usually feels uncomfortable. Despite what we believe, there is no physical harm with feeling the emotion of fear.

And yet, fear is the biggest excuse we use to not take risks, make a change, pursue a dream, to fall in love, to make more money, to follow our passion.

We also use the excuse of fear justify procrastination, over-eating, avoiding, complaining, gossiping, self-doubt and indecision.

SAFETY FIRST.

Stay comfortable. Stay familiar. Stay predictable.

Everything that we really want is just on the other side of fear.

The best way I know to work with fear in pursuit of growth and change is to acknowledge that fear is necessary and danger is a myth.
Fearlessness takes practice.
The best way to practice is to challenge yourself to do something uncomfortable.
Dare yourself. Unleash your inner risk-taker.
It bolsters self-confidence and courage, which builds the muscle of working with fear in your future.

Everything that you really want is on the other side of fear and fear is just an emotion. Feeling the emotion of fear is not dangerous.

Make a sales call.
Ask for raise.
Schedule some time for yourself.
Go to an event, alone.
Say no.
Sign up for a class.
Start the first chapter of your book.
Say, I love you, first.
Volunteer to speak in public.
End a toxic relationship.

Notice how these things are not dangerous. They are just tasks that seem hard because of an uncomfortable feeling. Don’t let your brain fool you. It wants to protect you from danger.

I want you to have what you want and not to let a little fear get in your way of having it.

I want you to say “YES! Let’s do this!”

Set your inner risk-taker free. I dare you!

Do you want to explore the idea of setting your inner risk-taker free? Why not, schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can talk about what’s getting in your way and holding you back. This no-obligation conversation could be just what you need to set yourself free. Book your session today!

A Recovering Perfectionist Response to Epic Fails.

perfectionist, epic fails, failure, recovering

Wonder what I am laughing at in this picture? Well, I am laughing at what is about to happen. Yes, I am cracking myself up – because this is what I do now, when I realize that I have just made an epic fail and my inner perfectionist is going to get her ass kicked.

Seriously. As a self-proclaimed recovering perfectionist, this is how I have learned to approach my ‘failings’.

I laugh, hard – thinking “Oh, this is going to be sooooooo good”.

Then I get to work – to make it right, to move forward and try to recover as gracefully as possible.

Here is the backstory on the epic fail that inspired this photo.

For the last several months, I have been working on a video series about how to overcome denying what you really want. I had the idea for this series about 6 months ago and had been gathering notes and ideas in a big folder for quite a while. I wrote “create video series” on my to-do list each month and slowly, I tackled the project.

But in truth, I was hiding out in my perfectionist tendencies – slightly scared to put myself out there for the world to see. Afraid that it wouldn’t be good enough. Scared of the potential judgment and scrutiny.

About six weeks ago, I got completely sick of myself.

Seriously? Was was I so stalled out? What was the worse thing that could happen?

I was sick and tired of this slow and ineffectual way of ‘trying’ to get this project done. I was sick of my scared and cautious brain holding me back and making up lame excuses. I was sick of caving into my perfectionist side.

So, I made a decision to complete the video project. And I put a completion date on the calendar. I wrote out all the steps that I needed to do. I captured each step in careful detail and then I scheduled each step on my calendar. It took exactly 3 weeks from start to finish to do the writing, recording, editing, re-recording, uploading and publishing.

There. It was done. It was live and I was thrilled.

And in that process of taking all that action, I had to literally say ‘no’ to my inner perfectionist over and over again.

Here is what I mean by that – there were so many times that I just didn’t feel like working on the videos, so many times that I was bored with myself because I thought it wasn’t good enough, so many times that I was nervous and scared. And I kept having to tell myself NO – Stay in this. Keep going and finish.

So, I did. I worked through my negative emotions (unmotivated, scared, worried, nervous, bored) and got it done. Yes, I did cave some into distraction now and again, but big picture, I was pretty impressed with myself.

Katie = 1. Perfectionist = 0.

Now the video series was out there and my real emotional work was just about to begin.

My thoughts were going into over-drive…

“Would women want this?” “Had I remembered everything?” “Was it any good?” “Was it full of mistakes that I just didn’t see?” “Maybe, I should have waited.”

My emotions were all over the place.

Pride. Fear. Worry. Anxiousness. Excitement. More Fear. Self-judgment. Nervousness.

Then I got a kind note from a woman who let me know that she had signed up for the video series, was excited to get it and was still waiting for it. The video series never arrived in her inbox. She let me know that it was NOT a great first impression so far, with frowning emojis and everything!

OUCH. Epic Fail.

More thoughts….

“See, I told you that you shouldn’t have made this.” “What were you thinking?” “This is a disaster.” “Everyone is going to know that you can’t do things right.” “This woman is going to tell everyone you are a fraud!” “I need to go back to my corporate job.”

More negative emotions…

Panic. Anxiety. Embarrassment. Fear. Worry. More panic. Dread.

Those feelings made me want to run – out of my house and down the road and never come back.

In that moment, I had a choice.

I could let those negative emotions consume me and take me down or I could decide to get back to work.

I sat back down at my computer. All those negative thoughts and emotions were still with me.

I was vibrating negativity in such a big way that I was almost visibly shaking.

Deep breath. Another deep breath. Find the mistake. You can do this. It’s just technology. Breathe. Keep going. The world is not going to end.

I found the glitch and I fixed it. It took less than 5 minutes.

I started laughing. Seriously deep laughter. Perfectionist ass kicking just happened.

I was literally ready to run away and thought the world was ending, because I had made a mistake that took only 5 minutes to fix.

That is what panic and fear and embarrassment can feel like. It can feel like the walls are closing in – the end is near and that you are going to die. It’s completely brutal. And here is the funny part – all that emotional energy is created by what we think and we allow ourselves to think some pretty crazy thoughts.

As I kept laughing at myself and the 5 minute fix, I wrote back to this super awesome woman and thanked her from the bottom of my heart for sharing her disappointment with me. I knew that there was a good chance that she could have given up on me and that was ok – she was entitled to be disappointed by her experience with me and move on.

Regardless of what response I got back (or not), I wanted her to know how grateful I was that she had written me. Not only did it give me a chance to fix a technological issue for her and others, it gave me a chance to practice overcoming my perfectionism tendencies. And I got to kick some serious booty that day. What a gift!

Because, the more I fail and put myself out there and manage the inevitable discomfort that comes along with it, the better I get at overcoming perfectionism, once and for all.

And the better I become at overcome my limiting perfectionism, the more that I will do and learn and create and make. And a life of action is really the one I want to live.

So, a big thank you to L. for letting me know that I did not make a great first impression on you. As you can see, I got a lot from your feedback.

And in case you are wondering about the video series that inspired all of this in the first place, you can access it here. Click the link below to sign up – glitches are fixed!

How to Become an Expert at Creating What you Want – FREE 3 Part Video Series

Visualize my Dream Life

I am in Los Angeles working with my Master Coach. I travel out here 3-4 times per year, to work with her in person with our Mastermind group. These experiences always take us to places that we can’t access by ourselves. We never know exactly what we are going to do, but we always get exactly what we need. There are 9 of us – sharing, laughing, challenging, crying, making big decisions, being pushed out of our comfort zones, calling bullshit on each other, while creating the safest space to imagine and cultivate the best versions of ourselves. It’s powerful. It’s uncomfortable. It’s exhausting. It’s one of the greatest gifts that I give myself every couple of months.

Today’s work involved visualizing our dream life. Ok cool, I thought – this will be easy. In so many ways, I feel like I am already living my dream, but I was encouraged to go deeper, dream bigger. But in order to do so, we had to start with writing down every single concern that we have on sticky notes. Right away, I came up with a couple of concerns and problems that I face. I created 5 sticky notes. Great, again that was easy. But then the concerns kept showing up and before I knew it, I had a least 25 sticky notes littering the table in front of me. As I looked at the pile in front of me, I realized that I was staring at all my blocks, limiting beliefs and blindspots. There they all were staring back up at me, daring me to challenge them.

In that moment, I realized that this is exactly how far my life would go if I kept all 25 of those concerns with me every day – this would be as good as it would ever get. And yes my life is good, but I do actually want so much more of the good. To dream bigger, to actualize more – I would have to face these concerns and then let them go. There is no negotiating this one. I can’t have a dream to help more clients while also having a limiting belief that I do not have enough time. I can’t have the dream of teaching my daughter how to meet her own needs, if I have any blocks about how to do that for myself. I can’t have a dream about having more abundance in my life if I have concerns and focus on all the things that I lack. I can’t be a confident public speaker if I believe that I don’t know how to book speaking engagements.

I spent the rest of the day shining the light on my concerns and they kept coming to me – I probably created a total of 40 sticky notes of concerns by the end of the day. It felt so good to be honest about them, share them with the group and not be judged for them. And to realize that I spend a lot of time sending myself mixed messages – and continuing with the mixed messages just will never work. I can’t grow while holding myself back. I can’t say I can and I can’t at the same time. Enough is enough. 40 concerns went in the trash.

So, heading into day 2 of our time together, I feel lighter and unburdened. Today, I can really begin to focus on visualizing my dream life without the confusion of my concerns getting in the way. I can’t wait to see what I imagine up for myself. Blindspots, limiting beliefs and concerns are not invited.