Let Go Of Tolerations.

self-care

Many of us have learned how to live with settling and suffering. We forget that suffering is optional and that we all have the ability to end our own suffering by giving up the things we tolerate and put up with in our lives. Whether it’s tolerating a difficult relationship, lack of money, a messy home, a bad job or just living a life that is not desirable, we all do it to some degree.

WHAT ARE YOU TOLERATING?

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Do you procrastinate on small tasks like clearing the clutter at home or getting organized at work?
  • Do you postpone making important appointments for yourself?
  • Are you tolerating being too busy to make time to be with your friends?
  • Are you postponing doing things that you know would contribute to your happiness or success?
  • Are you tolerating a relationship that makes you feel stuck?

When you put off a task that could easily or even not so easily be accomplished, it only prolongs the inevitable and then it starts to feel like an awful chore. Something that could be taken care of in less than fifteen minutes – like booking a doctor’s appointment – turns into an all-day process because it becomes a constant, all day long distraction. Your thoughts return to it over and over. You sit down to do one thing and your mind drifts back to making that appointment. When we postpone and procrastinate, we sabotage everything else we do. We tell ourselves all kinds of reasons why we can’t make the doctor’s appointment. We make excuses. We make ourselves feel guilty or badly for not following through. We create our own suffering, again.

When these burdens accumulate, you give them power to completely overwhelm you. An abundance of toleration and distractions keeps you from taking action in all areas of your life and towards your true goals. Having too much to do frequently leads to stagnation because it becomes hard to decide where to start. I want to share with you that today is the perfect day to begin taking action and to stop tolerating.

This week, think about the things you’re tolerating in your life and write them down. Decide to eliminate one toleration now. You will feel relief instantly and will free up your thoughts and energy to focus on the bigger tasks in your day. Go into the rest of your week deciding to eliminate a small toleration every day. When you remove tolerations and distractions, you open yourself up to the possibility of doing more of the things you love. You will choose action and results over procrastination and suffering. You will build momentum giving up small tolerations, to then eventually take action on your bigger tolerations. You’ll be amazed at how good it feels and how empowering this sense of accomplishment can be.

Distraction

We are all prone to a little distraction now and again. In truth, it is sometimes exactly what we need. We need to be able to do something a little mindless, blow off steam, relax and detach every once in a while. It’s good for us.

Especially when it is intentional and planned. Conscious distraction, is what I like to call it.

And then there is the other kind of distraction – otherwise known as unintentional distraction.

Unintentional distracted is subtle, less obvious and usually not planned.

So what really happens when we spend time in unintentional distraction?

It means that we show up in life half paying attention, half focused, half checked-in to what is going on. Our bodies go through the motions while our minds are elsewhere. We say one thing but do something else. We eat even when we are not hungry. We say yes when we mean no. We stay up late when we are tired. We use being too busy to exercise as an excuse when we really want to be in better shape. We are prone to forgetting what is important to us, caught up in the moment instead of being grounded in our truth.

Being unintentionally distracted means that we are constantly leaking our own precious time – wasting it on stuff that is usually not very important. It means we deplete our creative resources, energy, health, love and money for instant gratification. We stop investing in our goals and dreams. And then when we do not get the results that we want, we like to blame others for the outcome.

Instead, we can look closely and discover when and where we slip into unintended distraction. We can notice where we are leaking time and moving further away from the goals and dreams. We can consciously and compassionately bring ourselves back to more presence and connection with what really matters – rewarding ourselves for our hard work with intentionally “taking a break” instead of constantly living in distraction and half commitment to everything.

Clutter

It is so easy to get trapped in this cycle, whether it’s with physical clutter in our homes or mental clutter in our minds. We love to think that there is not enough time to do anything about it. However, if we decide that we want to break the cycle, we can always find a few minutes to clean out a drawer, clean off the countertop, clean out a closet or purge unhelpful thoughts.

Think of the clutter as unnecessary worry and weight that we are choosing to carry around with us. It is triggered by what we think, how we feel and what we see when we look around our homes. It is unnecessary and unhelpful. And just adds more stress to our already busy lives.

We can choose to be less burdened and lighter in our minds and bodies and in our homes. Decluttering our minds allows new thoughts and creative ideas to take shape. Decluttering surfaces and spaces at home allows a sense of peace and calm to prevail, something that we can all benefit from.

My favorite way to release the negative clutter of thoughts is to write them down, to get them out of my mind. Sometimes I find it helpful to throw away the paper afterwards. Sometimes I even burn it. I also like release the negative clutter of thoughts with getting outside for a walk or going to the yoga studio. Feeling overwhelmed is optional, so I try to make things easier on myself with less clutter to distract and overwhelm me. When I put in a little effort to clear my mind or the countertop, it always makes a profound difference in how I feel.

Goals. Part 2

Well, I have finally completed writing my goals for the new year. I feel like I have been doing the research on these goals for months, figuring out what is most important to me, where I want my life to be heading, and what keeps getting in my way.

When I finally sat down to write the goals out, the process was actually very quick. 12 focused, clear and achievable goals for 2016.

Will they be easy? Absolutely not.

Am I slightly scared? Most definitely.

These goals push me to get to know that future version of myself – the one who accomplishes things, commits and follows through. The one who doesn’t make excuses or shows up late. We had a interesting little chat, the two of us, during the goal writing process. She resembles me and yet, walks taller. She speaks up more often, laughs more deeply and evokes a stronger sense of self-confidence. She knows what she is talking about. She is convincing. She makes stuff happen. She is focused. And I want to be her!

As I mentioned in Goals. Part 1, I spent time with these questions to help really honor that future version of myself that I am aspiring to become. Here is 1 of my 12 goals.

The goal.

Participate in a highly acclaimed life coach training program in the first half of 2016.

Why is this goal important to me?

To expand my coaching knowledge base and skill set – to be able to effectively help more women achieve their desired style of living.

How will I feel when I have achieved it?

Immensely proud. More confident in my abilities. More experienced. More expansive and open to new ideas. More connected to others in this industry.

Who will I be after I have accomplished this goal?

A coach who has trained with one of the top master coaches in this field. A coach who is able to better serve her future clients. A woman who is able reach her financial goals to provide a freedom-based lifestyle for herself and her daughter.

What will I be capable of after I have achieved this goal?

Specializing in my field. Creating incredible coaching programs. Networking with other coaches. Reaching my full potential.

What do I need to think about myself in order to make accomplishing this goal possible?

I am capable. I am qualified. I deserve a seat at the table. I have a lot to offer. I can receive feedback about my coaching and not make it mean something negative about me or my abilities.

What am I willing to do each month, each week and each day to stay committed to this goal?

Do the homework. Show up on time. Get rest, eat well, exercise, limit wine, and take exceptional care of myself during intensive training periods. Be open to learning new things. Implement feedback and suggestions on how to improve and grow.

What am I willing to give up in order to support achieving this goal?

Procrastinating and not waiting until the last minute to do the work. Fear of speaking up in groups when I don’t know anyone. Using “I don’t know how” or “leaning new technology is so hard” as excuses.

Who will support me if I struggle to maintain focus on this goal?

My best friend, Kirstin. She know what this means to me. She knows what I have done to make this goal a reality for 2016. She knows that I do not want to fall short.

What I love about these questions, is that they help prove that I am already committed to my own success. I am already connected to how I will feel when I have accomplished the goal. I know what my distractions will be, so I can deal with them, when they come up and yes, they will come up. But, I have my own back on this goal from the very beginning. I also have a buddy in place when I need a little extra encouragement. I understand my investment and what success will feel like. This is what will motivate me, day after day and move me closer to becoming that future self that I admire so much.