The Upside of Risk-Taking

risk-taking

Some people are great at risk-taking. They thrive on pursuing what they want, despite big challenges or even danger.

Trying new things seems to come more easily to them. They appear to be fearless. Uber confident. Or completely insane.

They seem care-free and unburdened. Always up for an adventure. Completely willing to try new things.

And always answering, “YES!!!! Let’s do this!”

I used to admire and simultaneously fear risk-takers.

Who are these people? I wondered.
What did they I have that I didn’t have?
Was it a special gene that I just wasn’t born with?

Where does that all that fearlessness come from?

I always knew that had a tiny risk-taker inside of me.

But I also learned how to silence her.

She was inconvenient. Restless and unpredictable. She wanted to mess with my perfectly thoughtful and careful planning.

How dare her?

I wanted to be in control.
And to stay safe.
Numb the fear.
Danger was to be avoided at all costs, no matter what.

But, here’s what I have learned about safety and fear and danger.

Safety is easy. Fear is necessary. And danger is a myth.

The truth is that there’s very little in our everyday lives, that is actually dangerous.

We have homes. And clothes to keep us warm. There is more than enough food to eat. There is clean water. We have heat, drug stores, phones, and jobs. We have education, pets to love, medicine and bank accounts.

We are safer than we think.

Now that’s not to say that a lot of things feel huge and scary and totally impossible, but this is different than dangerous.

Fear trips us up all the time. Our brains get super confused by fear.

Our ‘fight or flight brains’ try to tell us that everything is DANGEROUS and that we must avoid, stay away and protect against danger and the possibility of suffering harm or injury.

Fear is necessary. For growth and change and evolution.
And fear does mean the same thing as danger.

Fear is an emotion. Plain and simple. Fear is a vibration that passes through our bodies that usually feels uncomfortable. Despite what we believe, there is no physical harm with feeling the emotion of fear.

And yet, fear is the biggest excuse we use to not take risks, make a change, pursue a dream, to fall in love, to make more money, to follow our passion.

We also use the excuse of fear justify procrastination, over-eating, avoiding, complaining, gossiping, self-doubt and indecision.

SAFETY FIRST.

Stay comfortable. Stay familiar. Stay predictable.

Everything that we really want is just on the other side of fear.

The best way I know to work with fear in pursuit of growth and change is to acknowledge that fear is necessary and danger is a myth.
Fearlessness takes practice.
The best way to practice is to challenge yourself to do something uncomfortable.
Dare yourself. Unleash your inner risk-taker.
It bolsters self-confidence and courage, which builds the muscle of working with fear in your future.

Everything that you really want is on the other side of fear and fear is just an emotion. Feeling the emotion of fear is not dangerous.

Make a sales call.
Ask for raise.
Schedule some time for yourself.
Go to an event, alone.
Say no.
Sign up for a class.
Start the first chapter of your book.
Say, I love you, first.
Volunteer to speak in public.
End a toxic relationship.

Notice how these things are not dangerous. They are just tasks that seem hard because of an uncomfortable feeling. Don’t let your brain fool you. It wants to protect you from danger.

I want you to have what you want and not to let a little fear get in your way of having it.

I want you to say “YES! Let’s do this!”

Set your inner risk-taker free. I dare you!

Do you want to explore the idea of setting your inner risk-taker free? Why not, schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can talk about what’s getting in your way and holding you back. This no-obligation conversation could be just what you need to set yourself free. Book your session today!

The Busy Syndrome.

people-pleasing

How many times do you hear people use the excuse that they are too busy?

Do yourself a HUGE favor and don’t use that as a reason for not doing anything ever again.

Your future will thank you. I promise!

“Busy” is the generalized excuse we use for not going after our dreams.

It’s the ultimate dream stealer.

It is important to remember that we define our busy.

We are the ones who choose what we will do with our time and our day. We create this state for ourselves.

It is important to look at it regularly, question it, and decide if it is in line with how we truly want to be living.

Instead of saying that I was too busy to work out, say, “I chose to lie on the couch and watch TV instead of working out.” Or, “I chose to see my daughter’s play instead of going for a walk.”

Everything you do in your life is a choice even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You choose to go to work, you choose to take care of your family and you can choose to take care of yourself.

“Busy” is a dark hole of vagueness that will never help you get a handle on anything. Be specific so you can identify what it is in your life that is and isn’t working.

Kick “busy” to the curb.

One of my clients was a high-level executive who was too busy to do anything she really wanted. I asked her to define busy. She went on to describe her day of running errands, going to meetings, picking up her kids, going to the store, making dinner, doing laundry, and answering clients’ calls. She had lumped these activities into a seemingly unchangeable busy.

Busy was living her life, but it was at the expense of what she really wanted.

I suggested she change her plan by writing down everything important to her, putting these priorities at the top of the list and then shifting activities from the busy pile to the bottom. At first, she thought it would be impossible to add even one more thing to her day. By evaluating how she was spending her time, she saw ways she could delegate and eliminate some of her busy.

It really worked. She had the mantra, “Me first, busy second.”

The ultimate result was that she was able to fulfill her own needs and actually handle the rest with much more peace because she saw it as a choice, not a forced reality of life.

Don’t confuse being busy with living your life.

One of the best secrets to eliminating busy from your life is to learn how to say no. Many times we say yes when we really want to say no. We go to parties and functions we don’t want to attend, we buy things that we do not need and we eat food we don’t want to eat.

When should you say no? Whenever it’s the truth.

Living a life that is based on truth is freeing and wonderful.

You eat when you are truly hungry, you spend time with people you truly like and you live a life you truly want. When you begin to tell the truth about your real desires and real emotions, you can begin to live your truth.

The truth really does set you free and allows you to get the right perspective on how you spend your time. “Busy” will stop becoming an automatic excuse.

And you will instead experience the joy of creating the life you want to live.

Do you want some help kicking “busy” to the curb in your life? Book a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can recreate your priority, so you are spending more time choosing to do exactly what you want and less time using your”busyness” as an excuse.

Do you want your future or your past?

past

Do you want your future or your past?

It’s an interesting question to consider. And here’s why.

One of the main causes of current problems in our lives is our programming from our past. Our past is where all of our current thinking was learned.

From the time you were young all the way until now, you have adopted beliefs and thought patterns mostly unconsciously. Now as an adult, you may be very skilled at thinking those thoughts without even realizing how they are affecting you.

In fact, some of your past programming is not only creating your current thinking, feeling and action patterns, but it is also controlling your focus.

Often, I will have clients who spend most of their sessions with me talking about their past. They will recall stories from their childhood, things they experienced as young adults, and in previous relationships, etc.

Their past-focused approach prevents them from moving forward. It perpetuates evidence for unconscious programming and doesn’t allow for deeper awareness or more deliberate present thinking.

These clients typically have a hard time dreaming and thinking about the future. Their past programming dominates and distracts any opportunity for exciting change and growth.

Here are some past-focused beliefs that my clients have shared with me:

I am just this kind of person
I’ve never been able to do that
This always happens to me
This is just the way life is
It’s what I’ve always known
It’s never going to change

Most of the time, my clients have no idea that they are so focused on the past.

The tricky part about being past-focused is that they are really good at it because they have been practicing it for many years. It’s such an ingrained way of thinking and they do not even realize that you are doing it.

Besides inhibiting growth, change and even dreaming – past-focused thinking prevents us from trying new things.

When we look to our past for confidence and for evidence we can succeed at something new, we will not be able to find it. We can only find confidence and evidence for the things we are already good at doing.

Confidence can come from new beliefs in new things, not from our past.

We need to tap into the energy of our present and our future in order to create momentum. We dream of something we want by imagining something in our future. Even if we want to recreate something we’ve had in our past, we need to remember it’s a new creation and not a repetition.

If we only look for evidence in the past for our confidence we need to move forward, we may not be able to see the potential for change. When we are in our past-focused loop, we can’t find the solutions.

The solutions are always found in the present by changing our minds about what is possible and what can be different.

When we are past-focused we are stuck in patterns that don’t serve our growth. When we are present and future-focused, we are taking control of our thinking and deciding how to think deliberately moving forward.

One of the best ways to focus your mind on the future is by setting goals and dreaming about you want in the future.

If you are ready to start choosing your future over your past, book a complimentary Breakthrough Session and I will show you how. Let’s talk about the past programming that you are ready to let go in pursuit of a future that you are really excited about.

Self-Doubt.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Most people let self-doubt stand between them and the thing that they desire most in their life.

Self-doubt is powerful.
And it has a grip on many of us.
It is a quiet and subtle dream killer.

Here is how I approach self-doubt, especially as it relates to setting a new goal or attempting to create something new in my life.

If you set a new goal for yourself and the goal is going to stretch you, as a good goal should, then is likely you will experience some self-doubt and fear. This is a very good sign because it means that you have the opportunity to grow. To overcome the self-doubt, is to grow.

On the other hand, if you pretend that self-doubt doesn’t exist and just ignore it, you do not overcome it. Instead you let it determine your action with very little awareness. Most people, at this point, run away from the feeling by changing the goal or deciding that they don’t like goal setting because of the negative emotion (self-doubt) that it causes.

Instead, be willing to feel it…to feel the self-doubt.

Let’s think about it. What does doubt feel like? I am guessing that it must feel pretty terrible to work so hard at avoiding it, right?

If you had to describe your self-doubt, what would you say about it?
Can you distinguish the way that it is different from other feelings you experience?
Does it have a color?
Do it move through your body at a slow or rapid pace?
Where is located in your body?

If you can get there and describe your self-doubt,or any emotion with this level of detail, then you are the one in control of it. When we avoid our emotions or try to push them away, we experience resistance.
It is always the negative emotion + resistance that feel unbearable.
And that is where the emotion is controlling us instead of the other way around.

I would describe my own self-doubt as being located in the pit of my stomach. It is slow moving with a subtle vibration to it. It is usually dark green and feels heavy.

I know this may sound a little weird, but stay with me on this.

Because I have paid attention to my self-doubt. I recognize it as soon as it shows up. In fact I have even been know to talk to my self-doubt and the conversation goes something like this…

“Hey self-doubt. What’s up? I have been expecting you. I just set a new goal (or I want to do this new thing) and whenever I put myself in a situation like this, you show up! I know you are here because of the thoughts that I am creating in my mind and you will leave when I have found new thoughts to think. So, self-doubt, let’s do this!”

OK, you might be laughing at me at this point or have stopped reading this altogether, but seriously, imagine this…

What if I actually let a dark green, heavy, slow moving with a slight vibration in the pit of my stomach emotion, prevent me from working on a stretch goal in my life?
Seriously, that would be the saddest thing ever.
And as I wrote at the beginning – most people let self-doubt stand between them and the thing that they desire most in their life.

If you allow yourself to experience self doubt and describe it in detail, lean into it and embrace it, you begin to realize you can do it. You can do self-doubt. You can do humiliation. You can do fear.

This works with any emotion!

What would happen if you were willing to feel any emotion on purpose? Not just tolerate them but really feel and allow all of them. Think about the all the things that you would be able to do and the relationships that you would hold the space for. Think about the goals you would set and dreams that could be fulfilled.

It’s powerful.

It is called taking emotional responsibility for yourself. Instead of your emotions taking responsibility for you.

Give it a try this week and let me know how it goes. I look forward to hearing from you.

Asking for Help.

Katie Pulsifer ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Asking for help is one of the hardest things for most women to do.

And there are so many reasons why will won’t do it. Here are some examples:
We are too proud.
We don’t want to bother someone.
It’s embarrassing.
We are supposed to figure things out ourselves.
We just don’t talk about our problems.

Unfortunately, when we are not asking for help we are usually putting ourselves in a position of taking on too much. We end up exhausted, over-scheduled, over-committed and burning out. Not only do we end up with too little energy to do the things we said we would get done, but we find out we don’t have any energy left over for ourselves. This leaves us feeling pretty tapped out and potentially very unhappy. This is often what leads to self-sabotaging behaviors, like over-eating, over-working, over-drinking, over-spending….

I believe that, as women, we can and must, put our needs first, in order to realize all of our potential and to have amazing lives that we deserve. To do this, we must be willing to ask for help in achieving our dreams or for help in working through something that is holding us back from having everything that we want.

I know that for some of you, this can trigger a lot of negative emotions – to imagine asking a friend, partner or family member to help you. Whether you are looking for support to leave a job, lose weight, have a difficult conversation, stick to a wellness plan, get out of a challenging relationship, ask for a raise, or start a new business. It is hard enough to claim exactly what you want, let alone ask someone else to help support you in going after it.

If you are habitually uncomfortable asking for help and consistently find yourself in a cycle of self-sabotage because you always try to do everything on your own, then it is important to uncover what is going on for you. What are the sponsoring feelings that you are consistently experiencing that make it difficult for you to ask for help?

Most likely, you are experiencing one of two feelings:
1. Guilt
or
2. Fear

Guilt shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am supposed to be able to do it all.
I should take care of everything myself.
Everyone expects me to be able to figure it out myself.

Fear shows up if you consistently have thoughts like this:
I am afraid of what they will say if I can’t do it myself.
I am afraid of what they will think if I have to ask for help.
I am afraid of being seen as weak or incapable.

Why would we choose to let guilt and fear be the reasons that prevent us from asking for help, and therefore prevent us moving closer to our dreams? Why would we allow fear and guilt to zap our potential and desire for something better?

The truth is, that guilt and fear are just feelings – and not as powerful over our lives as we let it seem. All feelings, including guilt and fear, are just vibrations that run through our bodies, caused by the thoughts that we think. Our thoughts are just opinions and judgements of our circumstances. Our thoughts are not the facts and they are not the truth. And the good news is that we can change our thoughts anytime.

Whenever you are experiencing a negative emotion that is holding you back, you can always find the thoughts that are creating it. With a little focus and some practice, you can replace the limiting thoughts with new thoughts that can inspire new action.

Here are some of my favorite thoughts to think when it comes to asking for help. See if you can use these thoughts or any others this week, to help you ask for something that you need. You will be amazed by how good it feels to ask for help, to get support and to let go of the need to do it all.

A powerful person is comfortable asking for what they need.
A person who asks for help is very clear about their limits and boundaries.
The people who love me, always show up when I ask for help.
A person who asks for help knows their strengths.
People love to support someone who is going after their dreams.
A person who asks for help is not willing to settle.
Asking for help is all about receiving love.

What it takes to be seen

A willingness to be very uncomfortable.

A willingness to take risks.

A willingness to speak truth.

A willingness to embody one’s greatness.

A willingness to be misunderstood.

A willingness to pioneer.

A willingness to stand your ground.

A willingness to have faith.

A willingness to let go of things that are not in your best interest.

A willingness to be alone.

A willingness to honor your dreams.

A willingness to be vulnerable.

A willingness to laugh and not take yourself so seriously.

A willingness to piss people off.

A willingness to celebrate every little accomplishment along the way.

A willingness to live with conviction.

A willingness to love unconditionally.

A willingness to detach from outcomes.

Be seen.