The Busy Syndrome.

people-pleasing

How many times do you hear people use the excuse that they are too busy?

Do yourself a HUGE favor and don’t use that as a reason for not doing anything ever again.

Your future will thank you. I promise!

“Busy” is the generalized excuse we use for not going after our dreams.

It’s the ultimate dream stealer.

It is important to remember that we define our busy.

We are the ones who choose what we will do with our time and our day. We create this state for ourselves.

It is important to look at it regularly, question it, and decide if it is in line with how we truly want to be living.

Instead of saying that I was too busy to work out, say, “I chose to lie on the couch and watch TV instead of working out.” Or, “I chose to see my daughter’s play instead of going for a walk.”

Everything you do in your life is a choice even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You choose to go to work, you choose to take care of your family and you can choose to take care of yourself.

“Busy” is a dark hole of vagueness that will never help you get a handle on anything. Be specific so you can identify what it is in your life that is and isn’t working.

Kick “busy” to the curb.

One of my clients was a high-level executive who was too busy to do anything she really wanted. I asked her to define busy. She went on to describe her day of running errands, going to meetings, picking up her kids, going to the store, making dinner, doing laundry, and answering clients’ calls. She had lumped these activities into a seemingly unchangeable busy.

Busy was living her life, but it was at the expense of what she really wanted.

I suggested she change her plan by writing down everything important to her, putting these priorities at the top of the list and then shifting activities from the busy pile to the bottom. At first, she thought it would be impossible to add even one more thing to her day. By evaluating how she was spending her time, she saw ways she could delegate and eliminate some of her busy.

It really worked. She had the mantra, “Me first, busy second.”

The ultimate result was that she was able to fulfill her own needs and actually handle the rest with much more peace because she saw it as a choice, not a forced reality of life.

Don’t confuse being busy with living your life.

One of the best secrets to eliminating busy from your life is to learn how to say no. Many times we say yes when we really want to say no. We go to parties and functions we don’t want to attend, we buy things that we do not need and we eat food we don’t want to eat.

When should you say no? Whenever it’s the truth.

Living a life that is based on truth is freeing and wonderful.

You eat when you are truly hungry, you spend time with people you truly like and you live a life you truly want. When you begin to tell the truth about your real desires and real emotions, you can begin to live your truth.

The truth really does set you free and allows you to get the right perspective on how you spend your time. “Busy” will stop becoming an automatic excuse.

And you will instead experience the joy of creating the life you want to live.

Do you want some help kicking “busy” to the curb in your life? Book a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can recreate your priority, so you are spending more time choosing to do exactly what you want and less time using your”busyness” as an excuse.

Denial.

katie pulsifer coaching

denial.
de·ni·al
dəˈnīəl/
noun
the action of declaring something to be untrue.
the refusal of something requested or desired.

We all have dreams and desires and I would venture to say that most of us try to keep them a secret. We are afraid to share what we really want because of fear, self-consciousness or perhaps the belief that what we most want isn’t realistic. We keep our dreams and desires a secret if we think they will make other people uncomfortable, require significant change or cost a lot of money.

When we deny that we have dreams and desires, we settle for living in half-truth. We argue with ourselves about our dreams being frivolous or unnecessary or unproductive or inconvenient. We declare them to be untrue, just so they will stop distracting us. We refuse to acknowledge that they live inside of us. We work hard to make them go away by trying to ignore that they exist.

Sometimes when I ask people what they deeply desire, they can often become very quiet. They will say something like, “I really don’t know – I haven’t really ever thought about it.”

I believe that it’s not that they haven’t thought about their desires as much as they’ve just become disconnected from them because they have become habituated to ignoring them. They have fallen into a pattern of denying what they most want.

When I try to inquire a little further, I always hear the various reasons that have prevented their dreams and desires from becoming reality –
“I don’t have time”
“What I want just doesn’t work for my family”
“I can’t start over”
“It’s not practical”
“They will never understand”
“I can’t afford it”

Hearing these reasons always hurts my heart a little because I know that these are all just excuses. Excuses to keep their dreams and desires locked up. Excuses to avoid the potential fear of claiming what you want. Excuses to steer clear of the potential judgement that you might experience. These excuses perpetuate in a cycle of denial. These excuses keep your dreams and desires just out of reach but close enough to create the discontentedness, pain and frustration that many people feel when they have a secret – an unfulfilled dream or desire.

What is it that you keep thinking and dreaming about?

Is there something your soul has been burning to do, be, or offer, that keeps trying to get your attention?

What is your secret dream or desire?

How would your life change right now, if you decided to shine light on your inner secret desire?

What would happen if you made that desire your top priority and shared it with the rest of the world?

What would be possible for you, if you stop denying yourself what you most want?

In my experience – happiness is what happens! I see it all the time. For the people that pursue their desires and stop denying what they truly want – they are rewarded with genuine and authentic happiness. They experience a deep sense of calm and inner connection. They experience the ultimate gift of living in truth. They no longer hide or try to keep secrets from themselves. They no longer say one thing and mean something else. They no longer refuse or deny themselves what they most want.

In choosing their truth – they ultimately choose freedom. Freedom over fear, self-consciousness and other limiting beliefs.

There is a simple exercise that you can do today, to stop denying what you really want and to start experiencing the freedom and happiness that you are craving. Click here for access to the Stop Denying and Start Dreaming worksheet.

make yourself #1

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Over and over again I hear women say they don’t have enough time to plan healthy meals, have connected time with their partners, declutter their home, feel their feelings or exercise. It’s a tragedy. All of these well-meaning, intelligent and accomplished women give so much to everyone else but leave the scraps to themselves.

They forget that they can’t pour love from an empty pitcher.

The hardest part of this scenario is that giving to others at your expense can be externally rewarding. You are viewed as a giver and you really are – but inside, you are starving for your own attention. This is one of the main reasons we self-sabotage – because we are trying to get our own attention.

The most important person to take care of is you. Period. If you aren’t healthy you won’t be any good to anyone. Also, women who have children need to remember the best legacy they can give to their kids is an example of a life well-lived. Kids might listen to what you say, but they will do what you do. If you tell them to take care of themselves and you don’t do it yourself, what kind of message are you sending?

You must become number one. You do not ever have to sacrifice healthy eating, intimacy in your relationships, exercise, or your emotional health for the sake of anyone else…ever. If someone really needs you, they need you to be healthy and available. Put your own oxygen mask on first and then take care of the kids or anyone else who needs you. The ironic part of this process is that once you start taking care of yourself, you have so much more to give to others. Your attention to you doesn’t take away anything from anyone else – it actually adds value and joy to their lives.

When I work with clients who struggle to prioritize their needs, they have usually all heard this advice before and understand it intellectually. My job is to help them start applying it. Sometimes this requires that I be extreme with this advice and require my clients to at least try it out. In support of my clients making themselves their number one priority, I have said…”sometimes the kids will have to give up on some of their activities so that you can have one of your own. It will mean that your friends don’t always get the help they need and dinner is not quite ready at the exact time expected.”

My clients will often tell me there is a special circumstance which made it impossible for them to take care of themselves and when I inquire about the situation, it will be because of a party they were throwing or a meeting or a son’s soccer tournament. The truth is that there will always be these things vying for our attention because we live full and busy lives and those things are still always secondary to their emotional health and physical care. And I will tell them this…”if you can’t take care of yourself and throw a party, cancel the party. If you can’t work out and attend your son’s tournament, you don’t see your son play soccer.”

And almost 100% of the time, my clients will find a way to do both.

I know this approach can be very difficult for my clients to accept at first. Many women will feel terrible asking their families to wait for what they need while they get in their exercise. The worry that their families and friends will be shocked because they are used to her dropping everything so that they can be happy. My clients have conditioned everyone to believe that taking care of herself isn’t important or as important as everyone else.

I tell my clients that they should expect their families or friends to be a bit surprised when she introduces a new way of treating herself. I tell my clients that there will be a period of time where everyone is uncomfortable with a change in routine and behavior. Expect it. Know that it will be a natural reaction to the adjustment. And that feelings of discomfort are just vibrations in our bodies caused by the thoughts we think. It is always temporary. Consistent follow-through of the new plan will eventually shift the feelings that everyone is experiencing. A new pattern will be established and the old negative thought cycles will be replaced. The external reward of giving to others at your own expense will be replaced with the internal reward – for making yourself your number one priority, by giving yourself attention, by eliminating self-sabotaging patterns. The internal reward will come from helping and supporting those in your life from a place of pure joy, knowing that when you treat yourself with the respect and love that you deserve, everyone ultimately benefits.