self-love.

self-love evolution, life coaching,

Happy Valentine’s Week.

And this is what I want to know – what are you going to do to show yourself some love today?

Seriously. How are you going to love yourself today?

What words will you choose to describe yourself and all the amazing things that you do?
What actions will you take to bring you closer to your dreams?
What do you want to feel, on purpose, about yourself?
How can you create more love for yourself today?

There will be a lot of emphasis on your relationship status today. The cards, the candy, the flowers, the jewelry – all focused on whether or not you have new love, old love or no love in your life. Yes, relationship status is important. But, nothing is more important than the relationship that you have with yourself. When you are loving towards yourself – new love deepens, old love strengthens and no love turns into the possibility of finding love.

It all starts with self-love. How we treat ourselves. How we care for ourselves. How we nurture our well-being. Everything we do, say, think, feel is a choice. And choosing, on purpose, to treat ourselves in a loving way is always available to us.

So here are some questions for you to consider today.

Do you put your needs last?
Do you constantly apologize?
Do you assume that you are letting others down in some way?
Do you regularly find ways to make fun of yourself or put yourself down?
Do you have a hard time following through on what you say matters to you?
Do you feel sorry for yourself?
Do you feel afraid a lot?

If you answered yes, to one or more of these questions, then it is time for you to ignite your self-love. Here’s why.

It doesn’t matter how much someone else loves you, if you don’t love yourself like you are the most incredible person that you have ever met.

And, if you are looking for love…you will continue to block it from coming into your life if you don’t love yourself with everything you’ve got.

And, if you are working on your relationship and trying to take it to a deeper level, it can’t go there until you lead by example and deepen the love you have for yourself.

I know, that this sounds counter-intuitive, to everything that we are taught about being selfless in love, making others happy, taking care of others, meeting their needs, etc…

But let me tell you, it doesn’t work that way.

The most important person for you to love is you. You have to start with you. When you develop true unconditional love for yourself, then you are ready to love others with such conviction, loyalty, compassion, respect and devotion.

Unconditional self-love is about being kind to yourself. It’s about creating your feelings on purpose. It is about trusting yourself. It is about not letting yourself down. It about being your own best friend through everything that life throws at you.

Love is one of the best feeling emotions that we can feel. And it is available for us to feel anytime we want based on the thoughts we think. Self-love gives us a double dose of love. Not only do we generate the feeling of love with our thoughts. We also experience being loved by the actions we take and the way we treat ourselves.

Who wouldn’t want a double dose of love?

When we create self-love in our lives, we show up differently. We give more generously. We listen more intently. We pay more attention. We choose kinder words. We forgive more easily. We act more truthfully. We create more love everywhere we go. Every relationship strengthens. Life as we know it, just gets better.

So, how are you going to love yourself today?

P.S. Interested in learning more about how to ignite your self-love? Then I invite you to check out the SELF-LOVE EVOLUTION – a journey that will help you revolutionize your relationship with yourself!

The Most Powerful Question

powerful question

Sometimes I just can’t make sense of myself.
I forget what I am doing.
I get really distracted.
I say one thing and actually mean something else.
I decide, then change my mind, then re-decide, then change my mind again.
And so on.
It’s messy.
And awkward.
I say “no” a lot.
I’m uncertain.
And I’m pretty sure that I seem very confusing to everyone around me.

Then other times, I am really efficient.
I’m organized for my day.
I’m on time.
Productive.
I have clear intentions and I follow through.
I create everything on purpose.
I am unstoppable.
I accomplish small things and I accomplish big things.
Time is on my side.
Anything is possible.

So, what is really going on here?
How can I be one person and have such diverse ways of behaving in my life?

The answer is simple and complicated.

It’s feelings. The answer is always – feelings.

Everything we do or don’t do is based on how we feel.
I will say that again just to really make a point here.
The way we behave and the action we take (or don’t take) is based on how we feel.
Feelings drive all of our actions.

If this is how it works, then it becomes imperative that we are able to identify what we are feeling to understand our behavior.

Which leads me to the question that we can always ask ourselves.

Why am I doing / not doing ________ right now?

And the answer always has to be a feeling.

It is not always easy to locate that feeling. But that feeling is the source of all our action or inaction. And that feeling is always the only answer.

If you can figure out what you feel and understand it is the reason you do or don’t do something, then you are getting to close to understanding yourself and taking responsibility for yourself.

If you want to ask yourself the question: Why am I doing / not doing ________ right now?

The answer will never sound like these:

I have to.
They are expecting me to do this.
I made a promise.
He will be mad at me if I don’t do this.
What will they say if I do it?
She wants me to.
This is a waste of my time.
I don’t know how to do this.
What will they think if I don’t do it?
I can’t wait to get started.

These answers are all thoughts. They are not feelings.

The correct answer to your question will be one-word answers like this.
Because I feel…

Bored
Excited
Irritated
Motivated
Happy
Confused
Afraid
Inspired
Conflicted
Calm

Feelings tell you EVERYTHING. They tell you exactly what is going on in your mind and the thoughts that you are creating. They explain your behavior and give you the control to makes changes in what you do/don’t do. Your feelings are your responsibility. No one else creates them. And you get to feel whatever you want. It is just so important to understand that everything you do and don’t do, is based on a feeling. That is powerful.

So, as you head into this week, can you get curious about your behavior?

Can you notice what you are doing or not doing?

How are you acting? Or reacting?

Then ask yourself the question. Why am I doing / not doing ________ right now?

Find the answer inside your feelings. What does that feeling tell you about you? What thoughts are creating that feeling? Do you like the feeling? Do you want to keep the feeling? Do you want a new feeling? Are others thoughts available to you that will inspire a new feeling?

You always have way more power and control over things that you think you do, so get comfortable with connecting to what you are feeling. It will tell you everything you need to know about yourself. And from there, you can decide to stay the course or make changes if you want to be behaving and acting in a new way. The choice is always yours.

And I know that 2 minds are always better than 1 – so if you would like help in learning how to more easily access your feelings to determine your actions – book a complimentary Breakthrough Session today. This is no-obligation conversation where I can help you uncover what feelings might be blocking your productivity and organization. Let’s work together to help you implement this powerful question into your life!

The Importance of Reflection.

reflection

It is a perfect week to look back – to scan over the months and days of 2016 – a time for reflection.

To think about all the things that took place during the year.

To give our time and attention to the details of our life.

We worked hard to create every moment. To schedule every appointment. To accomplish every task.

Why not take some time to assess what it all meant and to reflect on the cumulative effect of all our hard work?

Take 30 minutes and sit down with your 2016 calendar and look back on the year.

Review each month carefully – noticing the doctor’s appointments, scheduled meetings, morning drop-offs, vacations, performances, family reunions, errands, date nights, work trips and house projects.

Think about the flow of money in and out of your life.
Think about your health throughout the year, the sick days and the well days.
Think about the love you gave and the love you received.
Think about the emotions you experienced throughout the year.

How did you feel most of the time?
Happy? Motivated? Excited? Confident? Focused? Content?
Or
Afraid? Worried? Detached? Sad? Guilty? Confused?

Make notes and observations about 2016 and then answer these questions:

  • What moments are you most proud of and why?
  • Where did you struggle and why?
  • What did you learn about yourself?
  • How did you grow and evolve?
  • Where did you hold yourself back?

Take responsibility and ownership of all of it. Every single moment was created by you.

It’s not just the events that fill the blocks of time on our calendars that matter – it is the effect of all of those events, combined with our physical and emotional well-being that determine the success of our lives.

It doesn’t matter how much we accomplished (on the calendar) in 2016, if we spent a lot of the year feeling exhausted, lonely, stressed out and broke.

This reflection exercise is so important because it encourages us to look at the whole picture of 2016 and to be honest with ourselves about our results. And here is what is really important to understand – our results are always created by our own thinking. Seriously! All of our 2016 results began with our thoughts. So all of our positive results started with positive thoughts and all of our negative results started with negative thoughts.

It is so important to really grasp this concept before moving into any goal setting for 2017 because you have the opportunity to generate different results for yourself by changing your thoughts. But before you do any 2017 planning, I really encourage you to look back in detail at 2016 and reflect on the overall outcome. Be honest with yourself about your year. Be truthful. Own it. All of it. From this place, you will be able to be much more authentic in looking ahead to what you want to accomplish next year.

Next week, I will give you some specific exercises on how to create your 2017 goals, using your most valuable and sophisticated planning tool – your mind! Here’s the link to the exercises: https://katiepulsifercoaching.com/2017/01/06/success/

Until then – Happy New Year!