Do you want your future or your past?


Do you want your future or your past?

It’s an interesting question to consider. And here’s why.

One of the main causes of current problems in our lives is our programming from our past. Our past is where all of our current thinking was learned.

From the time you were young all the way until now, you have adopted beliefs and thought patterns mostly unconsciously. Now as an adult, you may be very skilled at thinking those thoughts without even realizing how they are affecting you.

In fact, some of your past programming is not only creating your current thinking, feeling and action patterns, but it is also controlling your focus.

Often, I will have clients who spend most of their sessions with me talking about their past. They will recall stories from their childhood, things they experienced as young adults, and in previous relationships, etc.

Their past-focused approach prevents them from moving forward. It perpetuates evidence for unconscious programming and doesn’t allow for deeper awareness or more deliberate present thinking.

These clients typically have a hard time dreaming and thinking about the future. Their past programming dominates and distracts any opportunity for exciting change and growth.

Here are some past-focused beliefs that my clients have shared with me:

I am just this kind of person
I’ve never been able to do that
This always happens to me
This is just the way life is
It’s what I’ve always known
It’s never going to change

Most of the time, my clients have no idea that they are so focused on the past.

The tricky part about being past-focused is that they are really good at it because they have been practicing it for many years. It’s such an ingrained way of thinking and they do not even realize that you are doing it.

Besides inhibiting growth, change and even dreaming – past-focused thinking prevents us from trying new things.

When we look to our past for confidence and for evidence we can succeed at something new, we will not be able to find it. We can only find confidence and evidence for the things we are already good at doing.

Confidence can come from new beliefs in new things, not from our past.

We need to tap into the energy of our present and our future in order to create momentum. We dream of something we want by imagining something in our future. Even if we want to recreate something we’ve had in our past, we need to remember it’s a new creation and not a repetition.

If we only look for evidence in the past for our confidence we need to move forward, we may not be able to see the potential for change. When we are in our past-focused loop, we can’t find the solutions.

The solutions are always found in the present by changing our minds about what is possible and what can be different.

When we are past-focused we are stuck in patterns that don’t serve our growth. When we are present and future-focused, we are taking control of our thinking and deciding how to think deliberately moving forward.

One of the best ways to focus your mind on the future is by setting goals and dreaming about you want in the future.

If you are ready to start choosing your future over your past, book a complimentary Breakthrough Session and I will show you how. Let’s talk about the past programming that you are ready to let go in pursuit of a future that you are really excited about.

Visualize my Dream Life

I am in Los Angeles working with my Master Coach. I travel out here 3-4 times per year, to work with her in person with our Mastermind group. These experiences always take us to places that we can’t access by ourselves. We never know exactly what we are going to do, but we always get exactly what we need. There are 9 of us – sharing, laughing, challenging, crying, making big decisions, being pushed out of our comfort zones, calling bullshit on each other, while creating the safest space to imagine and cultivate the best versions of ourselves. It’s powerful. It’s uncomfortable. It’s exhausting. It’s one of the greatest gifts that I give myself every couple of months.

Today’s work involved visualizing our dream life. Ok cool, I thought – this will be easy. In so many ways, I feel like I am already living my dream, but I was encouraged to go deeper, dream bigger. But in order to do so, we had to start with writing down every single concern that we have on sticky notes. Right away, I came up with a couple of concerns and problems that I face. I created 5 sticky notes. Great, again that was easy. But then the concerns kept showing up and before I knew it, I had a least 25 sticky notes littering the table in front of me. As I looked at the pile in front of me, I realized that I was staring at all my blocks, limiting beliefs and blindspots. There they all were staring back up at me, daring me to challenge them.

In that moment, I realized that this is exactly how far my life would go if I kept all 25 of those concerns with me every day – this would be as good as it would ever get. And yes my life is good, but I do actually want so much more of the good. To dream bigger, to actualize more – I would have to face these concerns and then let them go. There is no negotiating this one. I can’t have a dream to help more clients while also having a limiting belief that I do not have enough time. I can’t have the dream of teaching my daughter how to meet her own needs, if I have any blocks about how to do that for myself. I can’t have a dream about having more abundance in my life if I have concerns and focus on all the things that I lack. I can’t be a confident public speaker if I believe that I don’t know how to book speaking engagements.

I spent the rest of the day shining the light on my concerns and they kept coming to me – I probably created a total of 40 sticky notes of concerns by the end of the day. It felt so good to be honest about them, share them with the group and not be judged for them. And to realize that I spend a lot of time sending myself mixed messages – and continuing with the mixed messages just will never work. I can’t grow while holding myself back. I can’t say I can and I can’t at the same time. Enough is enough. 40 concerns went in the trash.

So, heading into day 2 of our time together, I feel lighter and unburdened. Today, I can really begin to focus on visualizing my dream life without the confusion of my concerns getting in the way. I can’t wait to see what I imagine up for myself. Blindspots, limiting beliefs and concerns are not invited.

Goals. Part 2

Well, I have finally completed writing my goals for the new year. I feel like I have been doing the research on these goals for months, figuring out what is most important to me, where I want my life to be heading, and what keeps getting in my way.

When I finally sat down to write the goals out, the process was actually very quick. 12 focused, clear and achievable goals for 2016.

Will they be easy? Absolutely not.

Am I slightly scared? Most definitely.

These goals push me to get to know that future version of myself – the one who accomplishes things, commits and follows through. The one who doesn’t make excuses or shows up late. We had a interesting little chat, the two of us, during the goal writing process. She resembles me and yet, walks taller. She speaks up more often, laughs more deeply and evokes a stronger sense of self-confidence. She knows what she is talking about. She is convincing. She makes stuff happen. She is focused. And I want to be her!

As I mentioned in Goals. Part 1, I spent time with these questions to help really honor that future version of myself that I am aspiring to become. Here is 1 of my 12 goals.

The goal.

Participate in a highly acclaimed life coach training program in the first half of 2016.

Why is this goal important to me?

To expand my coaching knowledge base and skill set – to be able to effectively help more women achieve their desired style of living.

How will I feel when I have achieved it?

Immensely proud. More confident in my abilities. More experienced. More expansive and open to new ideas. More connected to others in this industry.

Who will I be after I have accomplished this goal?

A coach who has trained with one of the top master coaches in this field. A coach who is able to better serve her future clients. A woman who is able reach her financial goals to provide a freedom-based lifestyle for herself and her daughter.

What will I be capable of after I have achieved this goal?

Specializing in my field. Creating incredible coaching programs. Networking with other coaches. Reaching my full potential.

What do I need to think about myself in order to make accomplishing this goal possible?

I am capable. I am qualified. I deserve a seat at the table. I have a lot to offer. I can receive feedback about my coaching and not make it mean something negative about me or my abilities.

What am I willing to do each month, each week and each day to stay committed to this goal?

Do the homework. Show up on time. Get rest, eat well, exercise, limit wine, and take exceptional care of myself during intensive training periods. Be open to learning new things. Implement feedback and suggestions on how to improve and grow.

What am I willing to give up in order to support achieving this goal?

Procrastinating and not waiting until the last minute to do the work. Fear of speaking up in groups when I don’t know anyone. Using “I don’t know how” or “leaning new technology is so hard” as excuses.

Who will support me if I struggle to maintain focus on this goal?

My best friend, Kirstin. She know what this means to me. She knows what I have done to make this goal a reality for 2016. She knows that I do not want to fall short.

What I love about these questions, is that they help prove that I am already committed to my own success. I am already connected to how I will feel when I have accomplished the goal. I know what my distractions will be, so I can deal with them, when they come up and yes, they will come up. But, I have my own back on this goal from the very beginning. I also have a buddy in place when I need a little extra encouragement. I understand my investment and what success will feel like. This is what will motivate me, day after day and move me closer to becoming that future self that I admire so much.