Decision + Commitment = Success

success

Last week, I gave you the assignment to look back on 2016 and really take ownership of your year. To review the calendar for success, big milestones, and accomplishments. Here’s the link to that post: https://katiepulsifercoaching.com/2016/12/30/reflection/

We know that you achieved a great deal and it is important to own it and celebrate it!

Then I asked you to spend time reflecting on what you were feeling most of the year.
I asked if you experienced any of these emotions on a regular basis during 2016.

Happy, Motivated, Excited, Confident, Focused, Content?
Or
Afraid, Worried, Detached, Sad, Guilty, Confused, Shame?

How do you feel?

This is one of the most important questions that we can ask ourselves.

Here’s why.

Our feelings tell us exactly what is going on in our minds and what we are thinking about. And all of our feelings inspire the action we take towards the results that we achieve. Everything we do in life is based on how we feel.
And everything we feel is based on our thoughts.
Our feelings tell us EVERYTHING!

When we feel happy and motivated, we take very different action than when we feel afraid and worried. If you are like me, then I am sure you can think of many specific examples in your life where this has been true.

Often when we are dealing with negative feelings, we take no action or worse, we indulge in pleasure-seeking activities to help us feel better. This is can be a very slippery slope because our strong desire to push away negative feelings and to replace them with more positive feelings can become so strong, that we can create a pattern of over-indulgence and self-sabotage. The results of over-indulgence and self-sabotage are always negative and require even more effort to get us back on track.

So what does all this mean as we head into 2017?

New Year. Fresh Start. Goals. Resolutions.

We are filled with such hope at this time of year. We see what is possible as we write down our resolutions. We tell ourselves that this is the year that we will really make a change. We can feel it. Or can we?

Most of us will struggle to follow-thru on the changes that we want to make or to achieve the goals that we set for ourselves.

And here’s why.

There is a big difference between “noticing” what we want and deciding what we want.
“Noticing” what we want is basically like saying….”I am going to try to achieve this goal in 2017 and let’s see how it works out.”

Hmmmm.

Being “interested” in a goal is like keeping the option to not follow-through, open. We let ourselves off the hook (ahead of time) before we try to accomplish it. We go only 1/2 in.

I know the results of this kind of goal-setting all too well because I see it in my new clients all the time. They are “interested” in making a change and start out with all kinds of conviction about it and then when any negative feelings surface (which they always do), they have a pattern of turning to an indulgence behavior to “feel better”, which ultimately sabotages their original goal.

Regardless of the client or the situation, the problem is always the same.
The problem is that there was never a decision to achieve the goal.
A decision to achieve the goal, no matter what.
Making a decision is absolutely critical to the goal-setting process.
A decision seals commitment.
Commitment is what produces success.

Here are some real client examples of what it looks like to be “interested” in a goal vs. deciding to achieve the goal.

Goal 1. To get in better shape / lose weight
Then indulge in over-eating and over-drinking when discomfort, boredom or loneliness show up.

Goal 2. To get out of debt
Then to indulge in over-spending and over-purchasing when fear and worry show up.

Goal 3. To get more organized
Then to indulge in clutter and being too busy to hide behind unhappiness.

Goal 4. To be more empowered
Then to indulge in being the victim, blaming others, gossiping and creating drama when we need attention from others.

Goal 5. To improve relationship with spouse
Then to indulge in trying to manipulate and change him to feel appreciated and valued.

Most of us know how to make decisions.
Where we struggle, is how to manage the negative emotions that come up for us.
And because we do not know how to sit with negative emotions and accept their presence in our lives, we do everything in our power to avoid them – even if that means sabotaging our own goals.

  • So as you think about what you want to accomplish in 2017, can you decide to go all in?
  • Can you make a decision to achieve your goal, no matter what?
  • Can you seal your commitment level with a decision to succeed?
  • Can you decide that you will manage all your emotions as they come up because you have committed to your goal?
  • Can you make your success inevitable, because you are not willing to sabotage your goal with other competing interests?

Yes, you can. I know you can.

And, if you’re thinking that you want some support in creating a commitment to support your big decision this year, why not schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session? It’s a 30-minute conversation that may just be exactly what you need to inspire commitment and bring you closer to the success you’re wanting this year!

Getting Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

I will never forget when my coach taught me this important concept. At first, I was so resist to accepting it. I pushed back. I argued against it until I wanted to make change in my life so badly that I was willing to surrender to the idea. Now I teach my clients the exact same concept. And why do I tell them this? Because it is 100% true.

For most of us, we will do just about anything to not feel uncomfortable. We will resist, push back, avoid, and procrastinate. And then we will become moody and irritable, we will sleep too much, eat too much, drink too much, we will settle and then complain about it…. the list goes on and on. But what are these actions doing to facilitate our growth as human beings? Absolutely nothing.

Let’s face it – change is uncomfortable. Feeling comfortable comes from knowing what to expect, maintaining the status quo and staying within our comfort zones.

Here are some tips to help you move through feeling uncomfortable:

Accept that feeling uncomfortable is part of the process.

If you can learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable, and you’ll experience ongoing growth and success. When it comes to accepting the changes in your life, you need to learn how to feel your fear and then release it. Once you release your negative, scary thoughts, you allow new opportunities to come into your life. The longer you avoid feeling your feelings (discomfort & fear) the longer it will take to eventually release them. And the longer it will take to make changes and move closer to the life you have always wanted.

Create a “feel great” state of being.

Your emotional state is a clue to what you are attracting to your life. If you want to attract more….love, money, adventure, friends – you must release limiting or negative beliefs about yourself. When we are presented with change, our minds automatically think about what we’re giving up, not what we’re gaining. That mindset keeps us in a place of lack rather than moving us into a place of abundance. Instead of focusing on what you may not have right now, focus on what you want.

Ask yourself if you are really willing.

  • Are you willing to trade short-term discomfort for long-term success?
  • Are you willing to stop denying yourself the career, romance, money or wellness lifestyle that you have always wanted?
  • Are you willing to work around inevitable road-blocks in pursuit of your dreams?
  • Are you willing to start believing that you are deserving and worthy of everything that you truly desire?

When you answer “yes” to these willingness questions and embrace the feeling of being uncomfortable – it means you are ready to make change. You are ready to release the resistance, to create a “feel great” state and step into the life that you have always wanted.

Calm And Connected.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Part of being confident, strong, and successful means living from a place of calm and connection. It means doing away with drama, chaos, worry, self-criticism and self-doubt.
Being free from everything that is not authentic to you will give you a sense of calm so you can get clear and connected – to take action on the plans and desires that you have for yourself.

Confident, strong and successful people have no interest in interpreting the actions of others.

They let go of the need to worry, especially about what others think or meant when they did this or said that. They release the need to dwell on what happened, what you did or didn’t say or what others did or didn’t do. They let go of the drama and the gossip.
The truth is that we have no control over what others do or think, ever. When we spend time interpreting the actions of others, it depletes us and distracts us from our life; these distractions usually lead to self-sabotaging behaviors – the opposite of being calm and connected. Let go today of the habit of interpreting others’ actions and put this energy into living out your desires and creating the most meaningful life.

Confident, strong and successful people choose a life free from worry.

Worrying about the things from the past, future and things we can’t control, never provides a helpful solution or contributes productively to our goals and dreams. Worry is a big distraction, holding us back and keeping us from taking consciousness and meaningful action in our lives. When you stop worrying, you are choosing to stay present – to stay calm and connected to your life in this moment – not what happened in the past or could happen in the future. Let go today of the habit of worry today and choose to focus on what you can control and take action on to bring you closer to your dreams.

Confident, strong and successful people enjoy every moment in life – even the difficult ones.

They know how to savor every part of life. They believe themselves to be strong, resourceful and creative, even in when things become difficult. They know that through challenge, there is growth.

Allow yourself to move in the flow of things and let go of resistance, even when things are most challenging. Staying connected to your calm energy, even in the most difficult moments in life, means looking for positive and creative solutions. Let go today of the habit of creating critical or negative thoughts when things get tough so you are able to find the perfect opportunity to stay calm and connected though the challenging times.

Goals. Part 2

Well, I have finally completed writing my goals for the new year. I feel like I have been doing the research on these goals for months, figuring out what is most important to me, where I want my life to be heading, and what keeps getting in my way.

When I finally sat down to write the goals out, the process was actually very quick. 12 focused, clear and achievable goals for 2016.

Will they be easy? Absolutely not.

Am I slightly scared? Most definitely.

These goals push me to get to know that future version of myself – the one who accomplishes things, commits and follows through. The one who doesn’t make excuses or shows up late. We had a interesting little chat, the two of us, during the goal writing process. She resembles me and yet, walks taller. She speaks up more often, laughs more deeply and evokes a stronger sense of self-confidence. She knows what she is talking about. She is convincing. She makes stuff happen. She is focused. And I want to be her!

As I mentioned in Goals. Part 1, I spent time with these questions to help really honor that future version of myself that I am aspiring to become. Here is 1 of my 12 goals.

The goal.

Participate in a highly acclaimed life coach training program in the first half of 2016.

Why is this goal important to me?

To expand my coaching knowledge base and skill set – to be able to effectively help more women achieve their desired style of living.

How will I feel when I have achieved it?

Immensely proud. More confident in my abilities. More experienced. More expansive and open to new ideas. More connected to others in this industry.

Who will I be after I have accomplished this goal?

A coach who has trained with one of the top master coaches in this field. A coach who is able to better serve her future clients. A woman who is able reach her financial goals to provide a freedom-based lifestyle for herself and her daughter.

What will I be capable of after I have achieved this goal?

Specializing in my field. Creating incredible coaching programs. Networking with other coaches. Reaching my full potential.

What do I need to think about myself in order to make accomplishing this goal possible?

I am capable. I am qualified. I deserve a seat at the table. I have a lot to offer. I can receive feedback about my coaching and not make it mean something negative about me or my abilities.

What am I willing to do each month, each week and each day to stay committed to this goal?

Do the homework. Show up on time. Get rest, eat well, exercise, limit wine, and take exceptional care of myself during intensive training periods. Be open to learning new things. Implement feedback and suggestions on how to improve and grow.

What am I willing to give up in order to support achieving this goal?

Procrastinating and not waiting until the last minute to do the work. Fear of speaking up in groups when I don’t know anyone. Using “I don’t know how” or “leaning new technology is so hard” as excuses.

Who will support me if I struggle to maintain focus on this goal?

My best friend, Kirstin. She know what this means to me. She knows what I have done to make this goal a reality for 2016. She knows that I do not want to fall short.

What I love about these questions, is that they help prove that I am already committed to my own success. I am already connected to how I will feel when I have accomplished the goal. I know what my distractions will be, so I can deal with them, when they come up and yes, they will come up. But, I have my own back on this goal from the very beginning. I also have a buddy in place when I need a little extra encouragement. I understand my investment and what success will feel like. This is what will motivate me, day after day and move me closer to becoming that future self that I admire so much.