How Commitment Makes Your Dreams Come True

commitment

Every day, I get to talk to the most amazing women.

Hard-working. Smart. Devoted. Funny. Accomplished. Generous Women.

Who each have a desire to do big things in their lives.

They can’t wait to tell me about what they really want. They talk about their dreams in full detail. And how much happier they will be on the other side of achieving these dreams.

As they talk, their energy and excitement amplify. They have rehearsed this exact conversation about their dreams so many times.

And despite all their differences in age, marital status, professions, income, geographic location – we often arrive at the exact same place in our conversation.

I say – “Are you ready to commit to making this happen?”

They say – “Well, I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit right now…but I’m definitely really interested in pursuing it someday.”

Interested.

Oh…ok. Great.

Another dream bites the dust.

Here’s what “being interested” really means.

It means a slow surrender and the painful death of a dream.

“Interested” sounds really good. But it requires no real effort or action.

It’s like dipping your big toe in the water and never jumping in.

It’s like taking one baby step and then stopping in that place and staying there forever.

“Interested” is the same as “hoping” – and you know how I feel about “hoping”. It’s Passive. Safe. Risk-free.

Default Living.

Waiting for someday.

Keep the status quo.

At this point in our conversation, I often encourage my clients to just say no to their dream now. I explain how it is much better, in the long run, to kill it quickly and move on, then to stay “interested” and 1/2 committed forever.

Wait. What?

I know that “interested” pretends to feel like positive momentum in creating the dream, but it’s actually just a stall tactic.

We stall out when we anticipate fear, failure, risk, and change.

And yet, real dreams are born out of fear, failure, risk, and change. It’s part of the deal.

“Interested” saps energy. Creates distraction. It keeps all the options open. Nothing ever gets accomplished. Someday gets pushed out further and further into the future.

Got a big dream? I say, throw everything you’ve got at it, now.

Go all in. Move from interested to committed.

Take those baby steps towards what you want and don’t stop until you have it.

Dip all your toes in the water, then both feet, both legs, your whole body and start swimming until you reach your destination.

Yes, there will be fear and some failures – setbacks, and changes. And there is a high likelihood that you will achieve that dream. That dream will become your future reality.

Commitment makes it possible. Interest will not.

Are you a woman with an amazing dream?

Then, go get it!

Do you want to go from interested to committed? Why not, schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session and we can talk about what’s getting in your way and holding you back. This no-obligation conversation could be just what you need to set yourself free. Book your session today!

How to Overcome Old and Painful Blame.

katie pulsifer coaching, blame

A few weeks ago, I was helping a client understand blame and the subtle difference between 2 types of blaming.

With blame, there is appropriate responsibility assigning and inappropriate responsibility assigning.

One focuses on the thing that someone did or the action they took. And the other focuses on the way that action makes you feel.

Assigning responsibility to someone else based on an action they took is totally appropriate.

Assigning responsibility to someone else based on how that action made you feel is not appropriate.

My client admitted having 10-year-old blame towards her mother-in-law.

And the most interesting thing about this was that she couldn’t even remember what her mother-in-law did 10 years ago.

She could only remember how it made her feel. She was still so angry at her mother-in-law for hurting her feelings.

She had been blaming her mother-in-law for her own negative emotions for the past 10 years and she couldn’t figure out how to feel better.

I told her that the secret to feeling better is always very simple.

Take back the responsibility for your feelings.

I explained that she had inadvertently assigned the responsibility of her emotions to her mother-in-law and she was now totally dependent on her mother-in-law apologizing, changing, or doing something different so that she could feel better.

She had already invested 10 years of waiting for her mother-in-law to make the first move.

And she could keep on waiting.

Or, she could say enough is enough and decide to feel better now.

She could release the 10-year-old blame and accept responsibility for deciding how she wants to feel now based on what she chooses to think now.

She tentatively agreed to let go of the old and inappropriately assigned blame.

She was curious to see if it would make her feel better.

And was unsure, feeling somewhat exposed and uncomfortable.

This was unchartered territory. That old blame had become a dear friend of sorts.

This would be a process, I explained.

Taking responsibility for our emotions is hard work. Blaming others for our emotions is way easier.

One leaves you feeling empowered, the other does not.

She committed to the letting go of the old and painful blame. She practiced it daily.

It took about a month and then it was gone.

Every once in a while, this old blame comes back and tries to get her attention.

She gently refuses the invitation.

She genuinely feels better.

Now, what about you?

  • Is there some old blame hanging out in your life?
  • Do you want to let it go for a chance to feel better?
  • Can you separate out the blame-able action from the feelings you are experiencing as a result of that action in this situation?
  • Can you assign responsibility appropriately in this situation?

If you prefer, we can do this work together – because I know that two minds are better than one. Book a complimentary Breakthrough Session to see how letting go of old and painful blame can help you to start feeling better. Let’s take 30 minutes to talk about it. Book your session today!

The Importance of Reflection.

reflection

It is a perfect week to look back – to scan over the months and days of 2016 – a time for reflection.

To think about all the things that took place during the year.

To give our time and attention to the details of our life.

We worked hard to create every moment. To schedule every appointment. To accomplish every task.

Why not take some time to assess what it all meant and to reflect on the cumulative effect of all our hard work?

Take 30 minutes and sit down with your 2016 calendar and look back on the year.

Review each month carefully – noticing the doctor’s appointments, scheduled meetings, morning drop-offs, vacations, performances, family reunions, errands, date nights, work trips and house projects.

Think about the flow of money in and out of your life.
Think about your health throughout the year, the sick days and the well days.
Think about the love you gave and the love you received.
Think about the emotions you experienced throughout the year.

How did you feel most of the time?
Happy? Motivated? Excited? Confident? Focused? Content?
Or
Afraid? Worried? Detached? Sad? Guilty? Confused?

Make notes and observations about 2016 and then answer these questions:

  • What moments are you most proud of and why?
  • Where did you struggle and why?
  • What did you learn about yourself?
  • How did you grow and evolve?
  • Where did you hold yourself back?

Take responsibility and ownership of all of it. Every single moment was created by you.

It’s not just the events that fill the blocks of time on our calendars that matter – it is the effect of all of those events, combined with our physical and emotional well-being that determine the success of our lives.

It doesn’t matter how much we accomplished (on the calendar) in 2016, if we spent a lot of the year feeling exhausted, lonely, stressed out and broke.

This reflection exercise is so important because it encourages us to look at the whole picture of 2016 and to be honest with ourselves about our results. And here is what is really important to understand – our results are always created by our own thinking. Seriously! All of our 2016 results began with our thoughts. So all of our positive results started with positive thoughts and all of our negative results started with negative thoughts.

It is so important to really grasp this concept before moving into any goal setting for 2017 because you have the opportunity to generate different results for yourself by changing your thoughts. But before you do any 2017 planning, I really encourage you to look back in detail at 2016 and reflect on the overall outcome. Be honest with yourself about your year. Be truthful. Own it. All of it. From this place, you will be able to be much more authentic in looking ahead to what you want to accomplish next year.

Next week, I will give you some specific exercises on how to create your 2017 goals, using your most valuable and sophisticated planning tool – your mind! Here’s the link to the exercises: https://katiepulsifercoaching.com/2017/01/06/success/

Until then – Happy New Year!