A Recovering Perfectionist Response to Epic Fails.

perfectionist, epic fails, failure, recovering

Wonder what I am laughing at in this picture? Well, I am laughing at what is about to happen. Yes, I am cracking myself up – because this is what I do now, when I realize that I have just made an epic fail and my inner perfectionist is going to get her ass kicked.

Seriously. As a self-proclaimed recovering perfectionist, this is how I have learned to approach my ‘failings’.

I laugh, hard – thinking “Oh, this is going to be sooooooo good”.

Then I get to work – to make it right, to move forward and try to recover as gracefully as possible.

Here is the backstory on the epic fail that inspired this photo.

For the last several months, I have been working on a video series about how to overcome denying what you really want. I had the idea for this series about 6 months ago and had been gathering notes and ideas in a big folder for quite a while. I wrote “create video series” on my to-do list each month and slowly, I tackled the project.

But in truth, I was hiding out in my perfectionist tendencies – slightly scared to put myself out there for the world to see. Afraid that it wouldn’t be good enough. Scared of the potential judgment and scrutiny.

About six weeks ago, I got completely sick of myself.

Seriously? Was was I so stalled out? What was the worse thing that could happen?

I was sick and tired of this slow and ineffectual way of ‘trying’ to get this project done. I was sick of my scared and cautious brain holding me back and making up lame excuses. I was sick of caving into my perfectionist side.

So, I made a decision to complete the video project. And I put a completion date on the calendar. I wrote out all the steps that I needed to do. I captured each step in careful detail and then I scheduled each step on my calendar. It took exactly 3 weeks from start to finish to do the writing, recording, editing, re-recording, uploading and publishing.

There. It was done. It was live and I was thrilled.

And in that process of taking all that action, I had to literally say ‘no’ to my inner perfectionist over and over again.

Here is what I mean by that – there were so many times that I just didn’t feel like working on the videos, so many times that I was bored with myself because I thought it wasn’t good enough, so many times that I was nervous and scared. And I kept having to tell myself NO – Stay in this. Keep going and finish.

So, I did. I worked through my negative emotions (unmotivated, scared, worried, nervous, bored) and got it done. Yes, I did cave some into distraction now and again, but big picture, I was pretty impressed with myself.

Katie = 1. Perfectionist = 0.

Now the video series was out there and my real emotional work was just about to begin.

My thoughts were going into over-drive…

“Would women want this?” “Had I remembered everything?” “Was it any good?” “Was it full of mistakes that I just didn’t see?” “Maybe, I should have waited.”

My emotions were all over the place.

Pride. Fear. Worry. Anxiousness. Excitement. More Fear. Self-judgment. Nervousness.

Then I got a kind note from a woman who let me know that she had signed up for the video series, was excited to get it and was still waiting for it. The video series never arrived in her inbox. She let me know that it was NOT a great first impression so far, with frowning emojis and everything!

OUCH. Epic Fail.

More thoughts….

“See, I told you that you shouldn’t have made this.” “What were you thinking?” “This is a disaster.” “Everyone is going to know that you can’t do things right.” “This woman is going to tell everyone you are a fraud!” “I need to go back to my corporate job.”

More negative emotions…

Panic. Anxiety. Embarrassment. Fear. Worry. More panic. Dread.

Those feelings made me want to run – out of my house and down the road and never come back.

In that moment, I had a choice.

I could let those negative emotions consume me and take me down or I could decide to get back to work.

I sat back down at my computer. All those negative thoughts and emotions were still with me.

I was vibrating negativity in such a big way that I was almost visibly shaking.

Deep breath. Another deep breath. Find the mistake. You can do this. It’s just technology. Breathe. Keep going. The world is not going to end.

I found the glitch and I fixed it. It took less than 5 minutes.

I started laughing. Seriously deep laughter. Perfectionist ass kicking just happened.

I was literally ready to run away and thought the world was ending, because I had made a mistake that took only 5 minutes to fix.

That is what panic and fear and embarrassment can feel like. It can feel like the walls are closing in – the end is near and that you are going to die. It’s completely brutal. And here is the funny part – all that emotional energy is created by what we think and we allow ourselves to think some pretty crazy thoughts.

As I kept laughing at myself and the 5 minute fix, I wrote back to this super awesome woman and thanked her from the bottom of my heart for sharing her disappointment with me. I knew that there was a good chance that she could have given up on me and that was ok – she was entitled to be disappointed by her experience with me and move on.

Regardless of what response I got back (or not), I wanted her to know how grateful I was that she had written me. Not only did it give me a chance to fix a technological issue for her and others, it gave me a chance to practice overcoming my perfectionism tendencies. And I got to kick some serious booty that day. What a gift!

Because, the more I fail and put myself out there and manage the inevitable discomfort that comes along with it, the better I get at overcoming perfectionism, once and for all.

And the better I become at overcome my limiting perfectionism, the more that I will do and learn and create and make. And a life of action is really the one I want to live.

So, a big thank you to L. for letting me know that I did not make a great first impression on you. As you can see, I got a lot from your feedback.

And in case you are wondering about the video series that inspired all of this in the first place, you can access it here. Click the link below to sign up – glitches are fixed!

How to Become an Expert at Creating What you Want – FREE 3 Part Video Series

7 Reasons We Hold Ourselves Back.

hold back

Do you have a big vision for your life and lots of ideas that you would like act upon, but you are stuck in rut wondering when life will shift for once and for all? It’s time to let go of these 7 things that cause you to hold back.

I have the honor of coaching some amazing women. What I have learned is that most women have a few things in common: They are brilliant, they work hard, take care of lots of other people, try to do the right thing and they have really amazing ideas about what they would like to accomplish in their lives.

However, these same women are almost always fearful, confused and full of self-doubt. Their ideas never really get fully implemented because they are stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated and unclear. I really relate to this because I used to be the same exact way!

All of these brilliant women have a strong desire to make a difference in their lifetime. They want to leave a legacy behind and help their kids and others by doing what they love. They want to create their lives on purpose and not by default.

It is really interesting when one of my clients gets really clear and connects to her true vision for herself – she becomes aware that if she were living this desire FULLY, she would be so happy, unstoppable, fearless and feel a complete sense of freedom.

Can you relate to this?

If we have brilliant ideas and heartfelt desires, why do we struggle with creating a life on purpose? Where’s the disconnect? Why do we default into accepting our states of weakness and stagnation and claim it to be normal?

Here are the 7 reasons that women hold themselves back from living their lives on purpose. Indecision, Procrastination, Self Doubt, Worry, Fear, Waiting and Negative Body Image.

The good news is that these 7 things are very easy to overcome with the right mindset and support. This is easier than you think, though it may not feel this way at the moment.
The only person holding you back is you. Your life, your body, and your mind can be in a state of growth and evolvement. It is possible to move past the blocks and these 7 reasons, for good.

Here are the 7 reasons women hold themselves back:

1. Indecision
Indecision means putting off making decisions or not making a decision at all. Successful women reach decisions promptly and have learned how to make their decisions “right” after they have made them. They have a deep trust and feel confident they can change course at any given time. Making quick decisions will liberate you.
People who are stuck and aren’t living the life they truly want are wishy-washy and change their mind frequently. They say yes/no/maybe over and over again. Ultimately they never come to any decision, so their life does not change – which leads to number two (see below).

2. Procrastination
Procrastination is putting off what needs to be done today until some point in the future. Your life is now and is waiting for you to fully show up in the present moment.
Understand and become aware of why you are procrastinating, instead of being unconscious to this behavior.
If you have a big dream, but you procrastinate, there is huge misalignment between what you say you want and what you do. Why is that? It is worth your time to invest and understand why you are putting off the exact things you say you desire.

3. Self-Doubt
Self-doubt shows up whenever we are ready to step out of comfort zones and do something new. It is an expected emotion and yet, we work so hard to dismiss it and fight it. Self-doubt and our resistance to experience it will cause us to make excuses or justifications for why we can’t have what we want or why it won’t work out. We will blame other people, we will say we are confused or not ready. It will give us an excuse to quit before we start.
If you are filled with self-doubt, you need more clarity about what you want to help fuel you through the discomfort of self-doubt. Connecting with your compelling reason why you want to live your life of purpose, or follow your heart’s desire, will give you the strength to lean into the self-doubt and pursue your dreams anyway.

4. Worry
Worry is one the biggest forms of distraction I know. It takes you out of the present moment and takes you into the future – the unknown – which is scary for most. However, in my experience the future is filled with wonder and possibility. And the future holds the results of your current thinking. You create everything in your life through your mind. So if your mind is filled with worry about what will happen, the negative stuff, the failures and worse-case scenarios – then those will absolutely come true for you.
Worry is a form of fear and is just an illusion about something that may happen in the future. It a form of “trying” to control an outcome.
What if you let go of worry and allowed something amazing to happen?

5. Fear
Fear is not real. It is an illusion created in the mind by negative thinking. The negative and limiting thinking is keeping you from growing and expanding. It wants to keep you small and safe. Growth and evolution require that we step into areas of discomfort and the unknown, in pursuit of our dreams. It requires that we expand our thinking to what is possible and available to us.
Love and fear can’t exist at the same time.
Successful women experience fear but they understand they have power over it. They are willing to lean into what they are afraid of and support themselves through it with self-love.

6. Waiting
You want it now – right? So why are you waiting to go for it? It is so important to get really clear about this.
Most women wait for the right time, the right amount of money, etc. I learned how to completely love myself through choosing not to wait – to go after what I want – especially when things aren’t perfect. Waiting is stagnant energy that only creates more stagnant energy – it shows up in painful thoughts, self-sabotage, emotional eating, etc. – fueling the belief that you can’t do it. And honestly, waiting does not feel good. Waiting takes all your power away.
Creating a life on purpose requires action and deciding that now is the perfect time to take a step in the direction of creating it.

7. Negative Body Image
Yesterday, I spoke with a woman who shared her struggle with her body image. She told me she often isolates in her house. When it comes to going out to events, she gets nervous about who will be there and how they will judge her, and this often stops her from going – or if she does go, she immediately starts comparing herself to other women.
Her image of herself is completely holding her back in her life.
Body image and self-perception matter deeply when we give them the power to alter our behavior in a negative way – creating shame and wanting to hide from the world.

In our personal and professional lives, a negative body image blocks us from having deeper intimacy with others, sharing authentic experiences, meeting new people, putting ourselves out there and even, making more money – it stops us from creating the ultimate life, health, body, and even financial status, we deeply desire.

Please do yourself a big favor and commit to moving beyond these 7 things that keep you from living your life on purpose.

Stop waiting for the perfect time, let go of the need for complete certainty, the fear of scarcity, the struggle with your body weight and waiting for the right amount of money.

If you don’t, you will continue to live by default and deny your greatest gifts and talents to the world. Please do us a favor and put yourself out there – decide and commit, embrace the discomfort and uncertainty, put your brilliance to work for you.

We need you and we are waiting.

Not sure where to begin? Why not book a complimentary BREAKTHROUGH SESSION? Let’s talk about what’s holding you back and what steps you can take to move through these blocks with ease and confidence. Book your no-obligation free session today!

My New Thoughts.

katie pulsifer coaching

You know those moments when you can’t get out of your own head? When you are consumed by your negative thoughts? That endless parade of negative thinking that distorts your perception of EVERYTHING!

Everything is doom and gloom, worst case scenario, glass half empty.

It feels painful and beyond your control.

It’s happening and it feels there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it.

You just have to get through it….until something else comes along to direct your attention elsewhere.

You are helpless.

Except, you are not.

Thoughts are optional. Especially the negative ones.

Here is what I mean.

We are always going to think thoughts. And all of our thoughts are just the judgments and opinions and impressions of the world around us. We have so much freedom in our thinking. We just don’t know it. We believe that our thinking is by default…that is just happens to us. We do not know that we are the creators of everything that is going on in our minds.
As human beings, we are so blessed because we get to think about what we think about.
We are privileged to be able to influence all of our thinking.

That means that we have the ability to change our thoughts, to evolve our thoughts, especially all that negative thinking.

And you are probably wondering exactly how change your thoughts, especially the ones that we have carried around with us for such a long time. Changing negative thoughts requires creating consciousness and awareness around what you think about. Simply put – it means paying attention to what is happening in your mind. It means getting curious about what is going on in your head.

What are you thinking?

It is so important to then view the thoughts from a place of compassion and non-judgement. And once you are there, you can begin to replace the negative thoughts with new thoughts to think. And then practice the new thoughts over and over again until they become automatic – your new normal.

Now this work doesn’t just happen overnight and it can be difficult if you try and do it on your own. And if you choose to pursue the experience of learning how to shift your negative thinking, it will be the most rewarding, life-changing, freedom producing work that you can do in this life-time.

I choose to do this work, every day. And it has changed my life.
My coach taught me how and then supported me through my learning process until I masted the skill.
Mastering the skill of thinking about what I think about means that I have learned how to break old negative thought cycles, permanently.
I know how to get myself out of my head, how to stop feeling sorry for myself and how to stop focusing on negative potential outcomes.

I know how to make myself feel better, anytime I want to, regardless of my circumstances. I know how to do this because I know how to change my thoughts. And that is total freedom.

Here is my gift for you this week. It is a short list of my favorite New Thoughts to Think. It’s my go-to list that I can refer to whenever I get stuck in a negative thought loop. I have several copies taped up around my house to remind me that I always have a choice in what I think and therefore how I feel. I just look at my list and find the thought that feels most relevant and necessary in the moment. I focus on the new thought and practice thinking it as long as I need to, to feel better and break the negative thought cycle.

I am guided.
Everything is exactly as it should be.
Everything happens for my benefit.
It was meant to happen the way that it did.
I choose to unconditionally love whenever possible.
I am exactly as I should be.
Everything happens right on time.
The Universe doesn’t make mistakes.
Love is always my most favorite option.
I am responsible for everything I think and feel.
No one can cause a feeling inside of me.
People are allowed to behave the way they want and I am allowed to react the way that I want.
It’s not what I do, but who I am.
There is nothing you can do that wouldn’t be worthy of forgiveness.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I am enough.
Nothing has gone wrong here.
We are here to get to the work of ourselves.
My purpose is the life that I am living right now.
I am deeply loved.
The world longs for what I have to offer.
There is nothing that I truly want that I can’t have.
I can do hard things.
Worry serves no purpose.
Money is easy.
There is plenty of time.
Everything I do is a choice.
My past is perfect.
There is nothing they can do to make me happy – that’s my job.
What others think of me is about them, not me.
Suffering is sometimes familiar, but not necessary.

Calm And Connected.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

Part of being confident, strong, and successful means living from a place of calm and connection. It means doing away with drama, chaos, worry, self-criticism and self-doubt.
Being free from everything that is not authentic to you will give you a sense of calm so you can get clear and connected – to take action on the plans and desires that you have for yourself.

Confident, strong and successful people have no interest in interpreting the actions of others.

They let go of the need to worry, especially about what others think or meant when they did this or said that. They release the need to dwell on what happened, what you did or didn’t say or what others did or didn’t do. They let go of the drama and the gossip.
The truth is that we have no control over what others do or think, ever. When we spend time interpreting the actions of others, it depletes us and distracts us from our life; these distractions usually lead to self-sabotaging behaviors – the opposite of being calm and connected. Let go today of the habit of interpreting others’ actions and put this energy into living out your desires and creating the most meaningful life.

Confident, strong and successful people choose a life free from worry.

Worrying about the things from the past, future and things we can’t control, never provides a helpful solution or contributes productively to our goals and dreams. Worry is a big distraction, holding us back and keeping us from taking consciousness and meaningful action in our lives. When you stop worrying, you are choosing to stay present – to stay calm and connected to your life in this moment – not what happened in the past or could happen in the future. Let go today of the habit of worry today and choose to focus on what you can control and take action on to bring you closer to your dreams.

Confident, strong and successful people enjoy every moment in life – even the difficult ones.

They know how to savor every part of life. They believe themselves to be strong, resourceful and creative, even in when things become difficult. They know that through challenge, there is growth.

Allow yourself to move in the flow of things and let go of resistance, even when things are most challenging. Staying connected to your calm energy, even in the most difficult moments in life, means looking for positive and creative solutions. Let go today of the habit of creating critical or negative thoughts when things get tough so you are able to find the perfect opportunity to stay calm and connected though the challenging times.

Fully Decide.

ask yourself this question life coaching confidence self care

One of the biggest blocks to moving forward and achieving your dreams is indecision, wavering on taking the leap, living with worry and procrastinating. People who aren’t living the life they truly want are often stuck in indecision and change their mind frequently. They say yes, no, and maybe over and over. They to come to any decision, so their life does not change.

Here are some reasons for why this happens and how to learn to fully decide!

Procrastination. We all know that procrastination is putting off what needed to be done yesterday until tomorrow. It is important to become aware of why you are procrastinating, instead of being unconscious to this behavior. If you have a big dream, but you constantly procrastinate taking action to achieve it, there in an opportunity for self-reflection. It is worth your time to investigate and understand why you are putting off the exact things you say you desire.

Self-doubt. Self-doubt is a cover-up emotion that shows up in the form of feeling apathetic, making excuses or justifications for the reason why something won’t work out right now. It can be disguised as envy, jealously, and criticizing yourself or others. Waiting for the perfect time, perfect body size or right amount of money to commit to something is really just about self-doubt. If you are filled with self-doubt, you just need more clarity to develop the internal self-confidence you need. When you diminish self-doubt, you can move forward and take action on your dreams.

Worry. Worry is one the biggest forms of distraction because it takes you out of the present moment and takes you into the future, the unknown, which is scary for most people. Worry is a form of fear and is just an illusion about something that may happen in the future. It is about trying to control a specific outcome. Worry blocks us from taking action in our present moment.

Here are some tips on what you can do today to fully decide.

Think about what you wish for and turn it into a decision.

Here is my example. I wish I could finish packing, moving and remodeling my new home this year. BECOMES I have decided to finish packing, moving and remodeling my new home this year.
The difference seems subtle but when it comes to manifesting our dreams, it is vitally important to clearly align our intentions with deliberate actions to make them a reality. Fully deciding rather than wishing is the key to making all of your dreams come true.

Say to yourself – ”I deserve this, I am worthy of it, and I am going to achieve it.”
There are no longer questions about how things are going to turn out, so your focus can shift from procrastination, self-doubt, or worry to taking action to make it happen. Instead of wishing the packing, moving and remodeling on the new home would be completed, I will find myself actually making it happen.

When you fully decide, you let the universe know you’re ready and it opens up the path to your success and shows you the way to achieve it.

Worry and Letting Go

Do you spend a lot of time wondering about what other people think?
Do you spend a lot of time trying to make the ‘right decision’?
Do you spend a lot of time reflecting on the past and wishing things had turned out differently?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are spending a lot of your time in worry. Worrying about the things from the past, future and things we can’t control, never provides a helpful solution or contributes productively to our goals and dreams. Worry is a distraction, holding us back and keeping us from taking conscious and meaningful action in our lives. Worry dampens our confidence and never brings us happiness.

To move from worry towards more confidence and happiness, try these three steps:

Enjoy every moment in life – even the difficult ones.
Being confident and letting go of worry means learning to savor every bit of life, even when things become challenging. It’s knowing that through challenge, there is growth. Allow yourself to move in the flow of things and let go of resistance that things are easier. This is key even when things are most challenging. It means looking for positive and creative solutions and staying connected to your good energy. It means letting go of critical or negative thoughts so you are able to find perfect opportunities in the challenging moments.

Find connection.
This is such an important step to letting go of worry. Connect with what matters to you most, whether it is yourself, others, nature, or experiences. Go to the places and people in your life that allow you to feel love, hope and opportunity. Spend time with the people whose opinion and perspective motivates and inspires you. Walk away from those that criticize, deplete and drain you, as that will always just will create more worry.

Decide to be present.
Worry about the past and fear of what could happen in the future, stop you from being authentic and truthful in your present. This fear and worry delays decision-making and often causes us to postpone having something we really want. We get so caught up in trying to make the right decision, that we make no decision at all. The past is over and we always have a choice in how we reflect on it. It doesn’t have to negatively influence our present, unless we choose to let it. The future hasn’t happened yet, so fearing what could happen also prevents us from seeing all the opportunity in our present. To be truly present is let go of worry – to trust that we have everything we need in the moment – to have the confidence to take action and make decisions. It is deliberate choice which allows us move closer to our happiness.

Money Story.

Most people say “they can’t afford something” but the truth is they do not fully believe that they deserve to invest in what they desire. There is more than enough money for all us. We don’t have to feel stuck because of money and we are not defined by our financial circumstances.

Here is how I changed my money story in 3 easy steps.

1. Look at your money every day.
If you are not willing to look at it and manage it with confidence, you are demonstrating that you believe in lack and scarcity. How can you expect more money to flow into your life when you ignore the money that you currently have? When you decide to look at your money daily, you empower yourself and create an opportunity to have more of it in your life. Your money wants your attention. The goal is to stop ignoring your money and to start feeling good and grateful for the money that you do have.

2. Let go of money worry.
Constantly worrying and obsessing is not going to do anything positive about changing your money situation. It may feel like you are trying to do something to change your money story, but truthfully, you are not. You are just worrying. Instead, move into calm and confident energy – then make a list of 50 ways you can earn & save more money. Believe that it is possible and then challenge yourself to take action on your list every day.

3. Change your money language.
Do yourself a big favor and stop staying: “I can’t afford that” and “I don’t have enough money”. This negative language confirms the fact that you are in money struggle and creates greater chances that you will continue to be. Choose your words carefully and connect with your desired money vision. Instead, empower yourself and say “I am choosing to take new action to bring more money in” and “I am choosing to not spend my money on this right now” and “With this money, I am investing in myself”.

If you want to invest in yourself to transform your life or business, you simply have to choose your greatest vision of yourself and fully feel it. Wealth begins as a state of mind. Use these three steps to get your thoughts aligned, then you will begin to see the evidence of what is possible.