See Leadership Differently Thanks to Coaching!

There’s a moment I think about often when I reflect on how coaching has reshaped the way I lead, not just in formal coaching sessions, but in life.

It was when I finally understood something that felt so obvious once I saw it: our behavior is shaped by how we feel.

Not just occasionally. Not just when we’re upset or overwhelmed. All the time.

We do—or don’t do—something because of an emotional experience we’re having underneath. That insight changed the way I approached people, especially in group or collaborative settings.

When someone delays turning in part of a team project, it’s easy to label them as disorganized, distracted, or just not a “team player”. But if you pause long enough to consider what’s underneath the surface, you might notice something entirely different. Maybe they’re nervous about how their work will be received. Or they’re unsure of how to ask for help. Perhaps they’re mentally exhausted from constantly worrying about their oldest child.

Understanding that emotions drive behavior made me a more curious leader. It ultimately made me more patient in conversations when trying to connect with those I worked with. And it helped me step back and ask more thoughtful questions—because what’s driving someone’s behavior is often invisible if you’re not looking for it.

That was the moment I realized coaching skills weren’t just helpful in the coaching conversations I had with my one-on-one coach. They were shaping how I saw people at my day job—and how I showed up in every room I was in.

The longer I’ve worked with people—coaches, leaders, teams, families-the more convinced I’ve become that coaching is also about how we understand and relate to one another, not just how we understand and relate to ourselves.

Especially when things get hard.

When someone is frustrated and resentful. Or when they feel left out. When they’re holding back from contributing or showing up in a way that’s not helpful to the group.

And coaching gave me language for something I’d always sensed but couldn’t quite articulate: so much of what we do is driven by our desire to be seen, to be understood, and to belong.

That perspective is helpful in every space I’ve ever worked in.

It’s useful when a colleague seems to be overcompensating or taking over conversations and interrupting more than usual.
It explains why someone might sit silently through a meeting when you know they have something valuable to contribute.
It even shows up in families—when we make decisions not based on what we want, but based on how safe or included we feel.

Coaching helped me recognize that these behaviors don’t always make sense at the surface. But when you understand what people are protecting—or trying to preserve—it changes how you engage with others.

You become less reactive.
More thoughtful.
Less judgmental.

One of the most generous things we can offer someone is our full attention.

But so often, that’s not what happens—especially in moments of stress or other intense emotion.

Often when we’re busy, we rush to the next thing.
If we’re uncomfortable, we try to move on quickly.
When a conversation feels heavy, we may listen with one ear while mentally prepping for our next meeting, deadline, or activity with the kids.

It’s very human of us. And it’s also something we can shift if we want to connect with others more deeply and to be more deeply understood.

When I think back to some of the most important conversations I’ve had—especially the difficult ones—the thing that made the biggest difference wasn’t my solution or a perfect response. It was simply holding space.

Being willing to stay in the conversation.
To listen fully.
To reflect back on what I was hearing.

That kind of presence doesn’t mean you’re taking on someone else’s emotional experience. It means you’re willing to respect it. To hear it without minimizing, avoiding, or redirecting.

And that small shift builds real trust between people.

I think one of the biggest misunderstandings people have about coaching is that it will feel too emotional or too vulnerable. And to be fair, that fear makes sense. Emotional awareness can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable, especially for people who haven’t had much exposure to that kind of reflection.

But emotions don’t disappear just because we ignore them. They influence how we behave, how we connect, collaborate, and lead.

There’s also the outdated idea that emotions have no place at work. That emotions are too soft, and a lot of us have been trained to believe that expressive emotions is risky to our careers.

And yet, every single one of us feels.
Every decision we make, every action we take—it’s influenced by what we’re thinking and how we’re feeling in that moment.

If I were running a team or managing a group, I’d want to understand that. I’d want to support people in a way that acknowledged the whole reality of what it means to be human, not just a productive contributor.

Some of my favorite conversations lately have been with people who aren’t coaches and don’t want to be—like my sister-in-law, who works in cybersecurity and leads large teams.

When she’s navigating a demanding boss or trying to keep the sales team aligned around a shared financial goal, our conversations always circle back to curiosity rooted in coaching principles:

What are the people working for her potentially thinking?
How might that be impacting how they feel—and what they choose to do/not do?
What might make someone feel safer or more supported on her team?

Sometimes we even role-play what a specific person on her team might be thinking and feeling. Not because we can know for sure, but because taking the time to imagine someone else’s lived experience changes how she could respond to them.

And when leaders do that?
Everything gets better because new awareness and options have opened up.

Communication becomes more honest because snap judgments have been suspended.
Collaboration becomes easier.
People feel more seen and understood—and when that happens, they show up more fully.

Next week, I’ll share specific coaching tools and questions you can use—whether you’re leading a team, running the family business, or just trying to have better conversations at the kitchen table.

But for now, I’ll offer this:

Coaching is not just for coaches. It’s a set of tools that help us be better humans.

Better listeners. Better collaborators. Better friends, parents, partners, and colleagues.

And in a world that feels increasingly quick to judge and slow to listen, those skills are more valuable than ever.

With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.