The Art of Truly Seeing and Hearing
In our fast-paced world, full of distractions, multi-tasking, and hurried conversations, what does it mean to truly know another person?
David Brooks, in his powerful book How to Know a Person, reminds us that seeing, hearing, and understanding someone is one of the most profound gifts we can offer.
We are called to engage in this sacred art as coaches—or simply as people seeking to connect more deeply.
The ability to honestly know another person isn’t just a skill; it’s a way of being.
It’s about presence, curiosity, and the courage to hold space for someone else’s truth.
This week, I want to explore what it means to “know” someone and how to bring this into our coaching practice and relationships.
Knowing Is More Than Observing
David Brooks writes, “Seeing another person deeply is not just an act of perception but an act of creation.” When we listen with intention and reflect with empathy, we help the other person articulate who they are, perhaps in a way they’ve never done before.
This is especially true in coaching. When a client sits across from us, they are often confronted with questions, doubts, or dreams they haven’t yet voiced. Our role is to create a space where they feel safe enough to explore.
Here’s how:
Listen with your whole being. This goes beyond hearing words—it’s about noticing tone, body language, pauses, and emotions. As Brooks suggests, this kind of listening “pulls another person out of isolation.”
Ask expansive questions. Open-ended, thoughtful questions invite exploration, as I shared last week here. They help others see their patterns, desires, and possibilities more clearly.
Reflect on what you see. When you mirror back what a client is expressing, you validate and honor their experience and deepen their self-awareness.
In these moments, we’re not just coaches or conversational partners—we’re co-creators of compassionate insight and clarity.
The Magic of Deep Presence
Brooks describes true connection as “the ability to enter into someone else’s mind and see the world as they see it.”
This resonates deeply with the heart of effective coaching. When we set aside assumptions and truly enter the client’s world, we empower them to:
Feel seen and understood, perhaps for the first time.
Gain the confidence to explore new ideas and possibilities.
Trust themselves enough to take meaningful action.
This kind of presence isn’t always easy—it requires practice and intention. But it’s a cornerstone of what we aim to cultivate in the Golden Coaching Certification. We delve into the nuances of presence, listening, and curiosity so coaches, mentors, and leaders can guide conversations with skill and authenticity.
Bringing This to Life
Whether you’re a coach or simply someone invested in meaningful relationships, here are a few ways to practice seeing and hearing others more deeply:
Be fully present. Put aside distractions and give someone your undivided attention. Notice how this changes the energy of the interaction. Even a few minutes of attentive listening can profoundly impact what you see and hear.
Ask, “What are you most excited about right now?” This simple question invites someone to share something that lights them up and perhaps even reveals more about them that you don’t already know.
Pause before responding. Resist the urge to jump in with judgment, advice, or opinions. Instead, let your curiosity guide you to extend the conversation through more questions.
These small shifts can create profound connections—not just in coaching, but in every area of your life.
A Reflection for You
What would it look like to truly know the people in your life?
And what might it feel like to be known by someone else in this way?
As you explore these questions, remember: whether you’re a coach, a friend, a partner, or a leader, the ability to truly see, hear, and understand others is one of the most powerful gifts you can offer.
In these moments of deep presence, collaboration, creation, and transformation happen—not just for others but for ourselves, too.
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
P.S. If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to deepen your ability to hold space for others, the Golden Coaching Certification is designed to help you master these practices. I’d love for you (or someone you know) to join us on this journey of seeing and hearing others—and yourself—with greater clarity.
