Bounce Back – Making Setbacks Success
You have beautiful dreams and goals, but how often do you hold back from pursuing them because of the fear of failure?
Most of the time? Some of the time?
If this fear stops you regularly, you are not alone.
What you fear is likely one or all of these three things.
You’re afraid of what you will feel if you fail.
You’re scared about how you’ll talk to yourself if you fail.
You’re worried about what others will think about you if you fail.
I want to share some ideas that may help you think very differently about this so you learn how to fail well as you reach for those beautiful dreams and goals.
Failing well means fully accepting the experience—acknowledging that we didn’t achieve the goal and the flood of emotions that come with it, such as disappointment, rejection, or embarrassment.
Negative or painful emotions are often synonymous with failure, and when we try to deny, dodge, or suppress these emotions, we inevitably make them worse.
As challenging as it may be, we must allow these “failing” emotions to surface.
We can then move through them by acknowledging, naming, and feeling them.
The better we get at processing these “failing” negative emotions, the faster we can bounce back to uncover the hidden growth opportunities awaiting us.
When I experience a failure, my first step is to double down on my self-care.
I usually feel upset, embarrassed, and a little heartbroken, especially when I genuinely believed that I would experience more success with something I was excited about that didn’t work out.
I give myself space to process those feelings fully for as long as it takes!
I’m serious when I say that I give myself as long as it takes because I know my brain will have a hard time effectively evaluating failure if it is super distracted by my emotions.
Once the emotions have moved through me or are just lightly buzzing in the background, it’s time to assess what happened and why I didn’t get my expected result.
I ask myself:
Why do I think I got this outcome instead of what I wanted?
What did I miss along the way?
What’s here for me to learn?
What’s the best part of this failure?
This reflection exercise is crucial because it forces me to slow down, reflect, and seek answers, which helps me learn and grow from the failure experience.
Perhaps most importantly, I make sure I don’t label myself a failure.
The event or attempt may have failed, but that doesn’t mean I did.
Trying something new that doesn’t work out, being with myself as I process the accompanying negative emotions, and taking time to understand what happened is a success.
It also helps me to believe that my failures keep me humble in the best way.
When I’m failing well, I remember that I don’t have all the answers and that this failure could be a reminder I need to seek feedback, support, and advice.
When I’ve taken care of my negative emotions and myself through compassionate reflection and kind words in advance, I’m much more inclined to say to someone:
I tried this thing, and it didn’t work. Here’s what I figured out about why it failed. What other feedback do you have? What should I do differently? What am I missing?
This approach propels me ahead faster.
I am more open to hearing ideas and suggestions.
I’ll consider pivoting or completely overhauling my original idea.
Most importantly, I’ll try again quickly instead of giving up.
I want the same for you.
For you to know that you can have a plan ahead of time to fail well (when you need it).
This plan will help diminish your fear of failure before you start, so you can move ahead this week to pursue those beautiful dreams and goals.
With immense appreciation & gratitude. Always.
